To think this is beyond weird

[ScoobyCan]

XH is emotionally inert. Chucked him out @ 3 yrs ago after marriage hit rocks several years before, 2 DC, messy messy divorce - all finally over but neither XH nor I can be civil - I hope in time things will heal but he did a real number on me and DC. Betrayal deceit financial and emotional abuse - just horrific.

DP has become a very big part of my and DC lives over past year (we were dating for a good year prior to introducing DC). DC adore him, he is involved in many aspects of their lives (sport, school, social activities etc) and he takes his role very seriously.

XH has never mentioned / asked directly about DP, not sure XH would even know what "normal" looks like in a relationship. He is a Narc (Sociopath?) incapable of love / empathy / compassion. Even towards his DC, instead he bullies and belittles.

DP has just had a friend request on FB from XH.

DP is obviously never going to accept, but AIBU to think if XH wants to understand who is hanging out with his DC, and dating his XW, perhaps it would be more adult to approach me about it directly?? Both me and DP find it beyond weird that it's taken XH this long to start asking questions, and can only imagine it is malicious...

I know this isn't the point of the thread but why on earth are you letting him have contact with DC if he bullies and belittles them?

I think just doing the metaphoric smile and nod would be best. Let him be nice to your D.C. this is better than a traumatic relationship which is full of conflict. Just keep a healthy distance. Fire (the pleasantries) and forget. Don't waste too much brain space on it. Everybody (I think) knows a dysfunctional family member, the best you can do is damage limitation. Part of life.

@sprite25 - believe me I've been trying to limit if not entirely stop all contact and he only sees them EOW. Sadly until they have physical marks nobody will do anything about it from a legal standpoint. It is a failure in the system which makes me hugely frustrated - mentally they are and will be for a very long time, scarred.

@veryvery thank you - giving XH any of my time or headspace is something I've got to work on. Trauma bond. I try so hard to go NC but it's "pokes" like this which get me riled. Currently he's writing to me through his solicitor about contents division and arguing about a coffee pot and a painting. He is an absolute child and loves messing with anyone's head - including our DC....