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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend could have waited.

58 replies

Doggyperson · 29/12/2019 16:35

My friend has been having marriage problems for many years, her husband has suffered with ill health which has made him depressed and difficult to live with, friend often posts stuff about him on Facebook which some of us find very sad and disrespectful to him, as he was a lovely man.

Anyway she's decided to leave him and posted this on Facebook saying 'shes done her best but she believes her husband has mental health problems which need sorting' we were Hmm very unfair as her husband isn't on facebook so has no idea what she's putting. She also tagged her new fella in the post saying he's been her saviour since Autumn.

This morning she posted a selfie of herself and new fella saying ",my one true love" now surely out of respect to her husband she shouldn't have posted this and secondly if she's only been with him a few months it's too early to be saying he's her 'true love'

She's 56 and quite needy on Facebook, always after attention.
Aibu to think she could have waited for a few months before posting a selfie of her and new fella if only in respect of her husband who she's been married to for over 25 years.

OP posts:
BlueJava · 29/12/2019 17:38

YANBU, I think out of respect she shouldn't have posted. However, why on earth haven't you blocked her so you don't see her posts? The more "friends" that more people like this are encouraged!

Bluerussian · 29/12/2019 17:39

I think she is appalling to be posting stuff about her husband on facebook, she is also behaving in an extremely immature fashion for a woman well in her 50s. Does she have grown up children who might read her FB posts?

Not much you can do about it though I'm afraid.

ohwheniknow · 29/12/2019 17:43

You have no idea what he's like behind closed doors. Your ignorance is breathtaking.

Wind your neck in.

TimeForPlentyIn2020 · 29/12/2019 17:43

What is the point of your post?

Funguy · 29/12/2019 17:45

' her husband has suffered with ill health which has made him depressed and difficult to live with'. So why are you saying he is lovely? He may be really abusive for all you know!
You know abusers hide behind the term 'depression'?It's like saying 'sorry I was drunk'. It makes no effing difference to the victim.
Everyone said my husband was a lovely gentle man- he was truly vile, foul mouthed, violent and a truly revolting human being.He also had been shagging someone else and the guilt turned him into a complete idiot.
The Police were involved but because he was from a 'good' religious family, people believed in him. They actually told me so.Can you imagine how that felt?
And yes I met someone else and he has loved me ever since and we go on together having escaped this bloody horrible person.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 29/12/2019 17:49

My sister in law is similar (early 50s). She separated from her husband and then posted a string of various fellas who were all her "true love". Passive aggressive digs at her husband etc. How she know knew what it was like to be treated right etc.

Then her husband was found dead in his house after his family (siblings) couldn't get in contact with him. He'd been dead 'a while'. She, and 3 of their 4 children, hadn't spoken to him for months. Suddenly she was chief mourner. They "loved him with all their hearts", "best dad", "would do anything for them" etc...

Most people knew the actual story. Loads more commented "XOXO hun" etc.

Just hide her from your news feed. It's easier when you don't have to see the attention seeking.

Legomanships · 29/12/2019 17:52

I understand your confusion...but unless you’ve lived her life you probably have no idea what it’s actually like. I have had first hand experience of a relationship where someone was ill and it was a secret hell behind closed doors. A really persuasive man to the outside world. Be supportive of her if you are her friend...otherwise delete her from your social media and just move on

onanothertrain · 29/12/2019 18:05

Some absolute dicks on this thread. None of us have any idea what went on behind closed doors but going on the info in the OP your friend sounds horrible.

Bluntness100 · 29/12/2019 18:10

No one knows what goes on in a marriage, and you should not pretend you know what he was like to live with, she could have been to hell and back.

You sound like you dislike her, and now you've People on here calling her a cunt and all manner of vile insults based on what you've said about her.

Not really my idea Of friendship but you do you.

ragged · 29/12/2019 18:13

It's crass to drag her private life details out for all to see & belittle him in the process, but I think you knew that before today's FBk post.

HideYourBabiesAndYourBeadwork · 29/12/2019 18:18

Cringeworthy behaviour but you don’t know what was going on in her marriage and if she was that unhappy she’s done the right thing leaving her husband.

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 29/12/2019 18:22

It is wrong to mention his MH issues on FB, but it is very frustrating to live with someone with a mental health problems, you don't know how it has truely been for her.

Snowman123 · 29/12/2019 18:23

I wouldn't choose to post this on Facebook.

But her Facebook, her life, her choice. We are all different about how private we keep our lives.

YouretheChristmasCarcass · 29/12/2019 18:25

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

On the face of it, it's rude and uncaring. But on the other hand, do you really know how he's treated her in the past? He could have been vile and abusive (and illness is no excuse for that) in private for years. What's the saying "Street angel, house devil?".

Don't judge. But if you are that upset about her actions, then just back out of her life. But let others make that decision for themselves. Don't go gossiping and trying to get others to side with you.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 29/12/2019 18:29

She’s “needy on Facebook, always after attention”.
You posted on social media inviting strangers, who do not have the full story, to pile in and join your criticism of her.

YouokHun · 29/12/2019 18:31

Why continue to follow her unless you’re enjoying the show? Who knows the truth of their relationship? I’d block her and if she asks just say that it’s not your business and you don’t want to read about it. She may come to regret being so public.

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2019 18:33

Not sure how a thread full of people slagging your 'friend' off is going to help you here OP? Confused

saraclara · 29/12/2019 18:35

Her behaviour is disrespectful, cruel and really, pathetically juvenile.

I couldn't put it better. Whatever her marriage was like, you don't a) post your husband's mental health problems all over FB and b) you don't leave someone (who will presumably be distraught) and announce it on FB immediately while flaunting your new bloke.

Seriously, I can't believe that people are defending her. If a bloke did this MN would be baying for his blood.

Cryalot2 · 29/12/2019 18:35

Mh does change people and makes them difficult to live with, no all health issues can affect people and make them difficult.
But what she has done is most disrespectful.
There are people who over share on social media and clearly she is one, and those who know her must know what she is like.

saraclara · 29/12/2019 18:37

I also don't know why OP is getting it in the neck. People post here about things their friends do, that they disagree with ALL THE TIME. I don't get what makes this different.

ForalltheSaints · 29/12/2019 18:38

As you are offended, why not stop looking at her posts?

Jellybeansincognito · 29/12/2019 18:42

It sounds miserable and yes she sounds horrible but let’s be honest, what does waiting do?

saraclara · 29/12/2019 18:44

let’s be honest, what does waiting do?

Would you be as sanguine if your partner left you when you were vulnerable and immediately posted photos and soppy words about his new love?

Jellybeansincognito · 29/12/2019 18:45

I wouldn’t be looking!
It wouldn’t bother me how long it took him to move on, once you break up that is irrelevant to you. It doesn’t change an ounce of your past.

CoffeeCoinneseur · 29/12/2019 18:46

Wow - I think we may know the same person.

If it is the same person then yes, the way she's treated her husband is pretty appalling.