There is a massive backstory to this which will add context to the story. I won't give too much detail but basically my mother has always been a complete let down. When I was 14 she failed to pick me up from a school residential leaving me to live with my alcoholic, emotionally abusive father (who didn't pick me up either). That was pretty much the theme from then on. She is very damaged herself. I don't know why but it has left her completely emotionally unavailable.
Over time I have learnt that the only given is that she can not be relied upon. I have so many instances of this. When 2 of my dc were little we'd often drop in on her for a cup of tea (she lived 8 doors down). Her house is a disgusting hovel and one day I made a comment. I offered to help her get on top of things in a gentle way. I was met with a barrage of abuse and told she didn't need to keep her house clean and tidy just so I could offload the kids on her (she had never actually looked after them). I didnt speak to her for nearly a year after that and 11 years on we have never been back to her house. My 2 youngest dc have never been to her house despite the fact she lives just down the road.
When my dd2 was 6 weeks old I broke my leg. My dh had to go away for 1 night so i asked if she could help me with bath and bedtime as it would be hard by myself (ds 1 was 2.3 at the time). She turned up at 9 pm well after they'd gone to bed, apparently the tv aerial was broken and she needed to fix it.
Normally she is abroard for Christmas but this year she stayed at home. I invited her for Christmas breakfast along with my dh's family. There were 13 in total. I had told her in advance that we'd be eating at 11. At 10 20 I got a message saying Merry Christmas see you in an hour. I replied saying actually we're eating at 11 and she needed to get here earlier. She said not to wait for her and rocked up late anyway. It's only her and her partner. It's not fucking hard just to be somewhere on time when someone is making the effort to cook for you.
Today is my birthday. We have been staying at my sister's for the last couple of days. My mother volunteered to look after our dogs whilst we were away. We had an alternative for them but one is old and i thought actually it would be better for him to stay at home and she likes to spend time with them (apparently). We have cameras on our house. We can see when she has come and gone. She has done a terrible job. She didn't even go and see them until 11 today. She was going to stay at ours but clearly didn't. I'm so upset. If I'd known she was going to neglect them so much I'd have taken them elsewhere. We are leaving my sister's today. My mother is supposed to meet us here for lunch knowing that we need to get off home. We have prepared lunch for half 12. She knew this yet she hadn't left our home town at 11 30 despite it being over 2 hours drive. We will have left by the time she gets here.
She is the most selfish person i know. She can never do anything unless it is completely on her terms. I thought I'd learnt to not let it bother me but she never fails to let you down. I'm done with her. She offers nothing positive to our lives. She gives nothing. Everything is always about what she wants, never a thought for anyone else. This is not exclusive to me, it's the same for everyone. She has no-one close left in her life and she seems perfectly happy with that.
AIBU to just cut her off from now on?