To think it's cheeky to give Christmas cards to people to pass onto others

[PriscillaTheHun]

This year several people gave me Christmas cards to pass onto other people. I've just found a couple in my handbag which I'd forgotten about.

My mum has also just messaged me that she'd forgotten to give me one from my Aunt so she's going to post it to me! I told her not to bother but she says the stamp is already on it.

I'm feeling particularly annoyed about it this year because I didn't do Christmas cards this year partly for environmental reasons but mainly because I just can't be bothered with everything else I have to do every year (always the host of 12 people every year - but that's a different AIBU altogether)

But I'm still stressing about remembering to pass on other people's cards because they're too tight to post them!

So AIBU or am I being a miserable git?

Hmmm, on the fence here. People occasionally do this to me, and I do it too now and again...

However, if someone was asking me to pass one on and they'd not got me one, I'd say no.

I used to have a great aunt (who moved 50 miles away from the town she/my mum/nan/ extended family grew up.) She used to send around TWENTY cards in a package to my nan, (my great aunt's sister,) for her pass on to my aunts and uncles and cousins and the whole extended family... (And 3 or 4 neighbours too!)

I thought THAT was a bit cheeky, coz there was so many to distribute .. But giving someone 2 or 3 isn't too bad.

Not really cheeky but pointless, in my experience. I always seem to get a couple of passed on cards in the second week of January, by which time my cards have long since gone to be recycled. Unless you can be certain they'll be passed on before Christmas day, I would either post them or not bother.

Surely you could have said no to the person or people who gave you cards to pass onto others?

I would just say that I wouldn't be seeing them before Christmas, sorry. If you are going to see them then I probably would accept the card but say "I'll try to remember, but with everything else I have to remember I don't want any fallout if I forget."

@ScreamingValalalalahLalalalah

Yeah you have a point. We gave someone a couple of cards to pass on before, as we knew they were seeing these particular 2 people before Christmas (when we gave them theirs, like 15th December.)

But when we went to their house Boxing day, or the 27th of December, the cards we gave to pass on were still there - on a shelf in the hall.

So after that happened once, we decided to go a different way home and post them through the door ourselves - or pop a stamp on it and post them. It was annoying as we knew the person we gave the cards(s) to were seeing the other people that evening (or the next evening,) and they just forgot to take them. Nevertheless, my problem/responsibility not theirs, so as I said, I started posting them/delivering them myself.

I don't think it's a big deal but if they forget you can't blame them. It's a busy time of year.

I can't see why it's cheeky. If you are seeing the person anyway it's hardly a big deal to pass on a Christmas card.

It it's not convenient/you won't see the person until after Christmas/you don't want the hassle of having to remember to pass it on - presumably there is no issue with you saying you won't be able to do it?

Just when it looks like we cannot get any more insular and disconnected from the world we live in, any more inward looking, something comes along to take it even further.

Asking someone to pass along a card wishing someone a happy Christmas is not cheeky.

I wonder if we'll only be happy once we all live in our own little houses and never see or speak to anyone else....

Not a big issue, surely? I don't bother posting if I can deliver in person so why not do that for other people?

I'm in two minds about this. On the one hand, it isn't outrageous to ask one person to hand over a couple of cards if you know for sure that they'll be seeing the people.

On the other, if this happens a lot to this person, they are being asked to add to their mental load. At Christmas there's a lot to do and remember and it may be that doing this pushes this person from fairly cheerful into "for heaven's sake, I've got enough to do".

People have enough of their own stuff to remember don’t ask them to do your jobs also.

I don't think it's a big deal but if they forget you can't blame them. It's a busy time of year.

Exactly this.

I think it is cheeky, particularly if is isn't too much of an inconvenience for the passer on to actually take a different route home from work (or whatever) and deliver the cards themselves. That's part of doing cards, the legwork in getting them to the necessary people.

My mother got cards for her to pass on to extended family through her letterbox, she wasn't even asked! That stopped this year after she'd pointed out that she might not even see the people concerned.

And I agree with PP that Christmas is busy enough without having to remember to take other people cards for them.

I don’t think it’s a big deal at all. Often family and friends are spread out across the country or even world so it can make sense to give cards and gifts to a relation who will be seeing the other person around Christmas time. For example, my Grandad visits my Mum on her birthday which is just before Christmas and he will leave our gifts with her which I really don’t mind at all. We don’t live in the same city so it saves him traipsing all over like Santa Claus.

No, I don’t think it’s cheeky. I think it’s sensible and I would do this gladly if I were seeing the recipients and the senders weren’t.

I have a cousin with three adult children, spouses and their own children. They all get together over Christmas so I put four cards in a big envelope and send to my cousin to distribute. She doesn't think it's cheeky, it makes sense. I also receive cards here addressed to my son and pass them on. Why not?

It's ok if you know the person will definitely see the person. For example my grandma sees my late uncle's wife quite often but I don't. Also if you do ask someone to pass on a card you really can't be bothered if they forget!
But not ok if the person you've passed the card onto has to go out of their way.

Yanbu, I hate this too, I my be in the minority in that I enjoy sending and receiving cards but I really don't want the hassle of having to remember to drop other people's cards off for them !
MIL has just given us presents for SIL and BIL , we have plans to see them in near future and they live 2 hours away!! Would have liked to say no but DH said yes to keep his DM happy

Happens every single year to me...in that all my relatives give my cards to my 84 year old Alzheimer's suffering mum! I live 200 miles away and will visit either a week before Christmas or between Christmas and New Year (depends on what mum is doing with other family members as we all take turns). I rarely get the cards! She's either opened them herself and they are hanging on her 'string' (so of course I can't really take them off her!) or she's thrown them out...because they don't have her name on and she's forgotten who 'Northerknickers' is most days 🤷‍♀️

I've asked them not to put mum in this position (they know she's ill) and said either post to me directly (as I do to them ffs!) or just not send any...I really wouldn't mind at all. But they carry on.

I don't think it's rude, exactly, but in circumstances like this, it's definitely inappropriate.

Ah - christmas homework.
tell them to post it to the person concerned themselves.

I might give a card to pass on of it was a friend to their mother, or post a card to a parent with cards inside for their still at home kids, but otherwise no way. I have offered if with someone is handing out cards if it was for someone I knew I was going to see, but basically I don't give cards to people I see all the time more to people I don't so I can write a little catch up. The people I see alot I wish them a verbal happy Christmas.

“Ah, no thanks, I don’t work for Royal Mail.”

Agree it ads to someone else’s mental load at a time of year when most feel overloaded already.

Also understand many happily do it for others, and that’s lovely.

Ultimately it’s about people who can’t be bothered to address an envelope and splash out on a stamp. Not really my responsibility.

If it were someone who didn’t have the wherewithal to do it themselves, I would happily do so.

I think it’s fine as long as they’re giving you one too and it’s to someone you would reasonably be expected to see rather than have to go out of your way.