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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

.... to feel unreasonable fury this morning?

72 replies

albertatrilogy · 29/12/2019 09:57

So it's not been the best Christmas. No major tragedies, illnesses, houseful of badly behaved relatives.

Me. Husband. Return of daughter who moved away in September to start first 'proper' adult job.

Since mid-December Husband has been ill. He got a urine infection after having some tests for surgery that he will need to have in the New Year. The infection has been unpleasant for him. He's been feverish. The first lot of antibiotics didn't clear the infection, so I had to take him to a primary care place just before Xmas for a second lot. On Xmas Day he insisted on contributing to making dinner, and promptly cut his thumb badly tried to deal with the wound himself and bled all over the fresh towels I'd put down. On Boxing Day he came down with a heavy cold.

My daughter has been quite helpful with cooking and clearing up, so it's not been as hard work as it might have been. But I've been the one dealing with buying fresh sticking plasters and fresh supplies of herb tea - he decided to abstain from caffeine as well as alcohol - while on batch 2 of tablets. My husband has wanted to talk a lot about his physical symptoms, and while I've tried to be supportive it's not the liveliest form of conversation.

This morning he's been a bit better and so wanted to make breakfast. But when he's not 100% he does this bizarre ultra-fussy not listening thing. So the conversation went as follows.

Me: Just make whatever you fancy making for breakfast.
Him: Yes, but what do you want?
Me: I said just make what you want.
Him: starts to recite long list of possible breakfast ingredients in stock.
Me: (to try and bring recitation to close) You could use the egg yolk. The one from that cracked egg yesterday.
Him: Right. (Nods. pause, while he does some more thinking. Then in helpful enthusiastic tone) Okay. Do you want me to use the cracked egg from yesterday as well....?

It was the straw that broke my camel's back. Fortunately I'm off out in a bit.

OP posts:
Apackoflips · 29/12/2019 11:13

YADNBU .
Of course its not just about buying herbal teabags or supplying plasters!
Its all of the things you have to do because hes either not doing it or doing it badly leading to even more things for you to do. The reason for him being in this position is beside the point just now. Its the fact that you have more things to do even if they are tiny in comparison to others major woes. At the moment they are your major woes.

You know of course that its not reasonable in the long term but just for today allow yourself that moment of righteous fury. Put on your coat and get out of the house. Hopefully time and space will work its magic and peace will be restored to your spirit .

diddl · 29/12/2019 11:35

So neither of you could decide what you wanted for breakfast?

I think I get it Op, he's doing something, but you also have to think about it.

Why couldn't he say that he was making eg bacon & eggs & did you want some?

FinallyHere · 29/12/2019 11:52

I hear you @albertatrilogy It's good that you look after a partner who needs your help but really, remember that you can't pour from an empty jug.

You need some time for you to recharge.

Take that time and use it. You will be a better support for looking after yourself first.

Cohle · 29/12/2019 11:55

Oh my god, you had to buy plasters?!

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 29/12/2019 11:55

Why the hell did you keep an egg yolk???

Oysterbabe · 29/12/2019 11:56

Yabu.
'I'll l just have what you're having' are so fucking annoying. He wanted you to help him decide what to make, which is perfectly reasonable seeing as he was going to make it for you.

Butchyrestingface · 29/12/2019 11:58

I hear you @albertatrilogy* It's good that you look after a partner who needs your help but really, remember that you can't pour from an empty jug

**

There is nothing like the occasional trip to Asda for plasters and tea to utterly drain the life out of even the most energetic tough mudder types.

Bluetrews25 · 29/12/2019 12:24

OP, your DH sounds like he's about 80. Is he?

TheBigFatMermaid · 29/12/2019 12:58

Get a grip!
It sounds like you have a lovely, helpful daughter. Focus on enjoying the time with her and try to tune out your DH moaning, while making sympathetic noises!

ChristmasFluff · 29/12/2019 13:09

Well I don't think you are as bad as everyone is making out.

The endless man-flu moaning can really get a person down. And then the faffing in the kitchen palaver too. When you just wanted a nice Christmas.

You even accept your fury is unreasonable.

You are fine as you are OP, and I think now he;s feeling better, a nice day out with your daughter will cheer you up - do something you'd like.
And try to remember, he's being a pain in the arse, but he's your pain in the arse, and marriage is about both of you being able to be a pain in the arse now and again. It's just his turn right now. Flowers

SoleBizzz · 29/12/2019 13:18

You are abusive and controlling. He sounds scared of you

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2019 13:21

The endless man-flu moaning can really get a person down. And then the faffing in the kitchen palaver too. When you just wanted a nice Christmas.

WTF? Have you even read the OP?

On Boxing Day he came down with a heavy cold. - Not a single mention of 'man flu'?

On Xmas Day he insisted on contributing to making dinner - No mention of 'faffing' or 'palaver'?

For goodness sake. Some men are damned if they do and damned if they don't Confused

PerfectionistProcrastinator · 29/12/2019 13:27
Xmas Biscuit
DavetheCat2001 · 29/12/2019 13:30

Will OP be back I wonder.. 🤔🤔🤔

Thetellyisjelly · 29/12/2019 13:37

It’s just the whole thing about yesterday’s egg yolk that gets me. I mean I don’t know why. It just seems so boring that you’re keeping track of a single cracked egg🤯

PhilCornwall1 · 29/12/2019 13:37

Honestly it’s not that bad. At least you have a husband 😂

Until he reads this and the OP will be back saying "he's left me!!"

KarmaStar · 29/12/2019 14:10

Hope you are both feeling better by this evening and can relax and a romantic evening together.WineWine

easythere · 29/12/2019 14:53

You kept a cracked egg?

That's the only issue I can find? Hmmisn't that a bit unhygienic?

mingebags · 29/12/2019 22:44

This reply has been deleted

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gamerchick · 29/12/2019 22:50

I get it OP, sometimes it takes a little thing before you feel like you want to explode.

Someone always brings up a death on these threads. So you got a full house as well. I hope you enjoyed your break away from the misery and illness.

midnightmisssuki · 29/12/2019 23:02

Ltb 😂

Kidding. YABU.

user1471517900 · 02/01/2020 11:02

I want to know about the camel the OP owns

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