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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how long you felt tearful for after baby?

26 replies

1plus2equalstrouble · 29/12/2019 01:35

I know it's all meant to peak at about day 3 or 4 and then hormones are meant to settle but just wondering how long most people felt tearful for after they had baby?
I'm struggling with anxiety over their health as despite everyone saying they're fine I don't think they are. I think thry both have silent reflux but no one believes me and I'm worried they're not as content as they should be but I'm not sure if that's just normal new mum stuff or I should be over it by now and need to pull myself together. They're 16 days

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 29/12/2019 01:39

I had good days and teary days for a couple of months, I think as the hormones start to settle the sleep deprivation takes over and that makes you teary too. But please listen to your mothers instinct about thinking something isnt quite right.... keep advocating for your little one. Maybe post one here about why/what you are concerned about, MN is full of mothers who have seen it all and have very good advice

Also if you need a good cry, a hot shower is a good place to let it all out, it hides the noise and washes away the snot 🤣

EmmaGrundyForPM · 29/12/2019 01:45

I cried every day for 3 months. I had bad PND though.

When I had ds2 I didn't cry at all and I remember feeling amazed that I could actually enjoy being the mum of a small baby.

If you think you've got PND please do seek some help. My HV was amazing and so supportive.

I hope you feel better soon and congratulations on your baby

Elindab · 29/12/2019 01:45

About 3 years. Sad

Ineedcoffee2345 · 29/12/2019 01:52

Dd1 I cried on 3rd day for 2 days
Dd2 (6weeks old now) I cries every day for about 2 weeks from the 3rd day post Birth.
Trust your mother's instinct on the silent reflux

YellowJellyfish · 29/12/2019 01:53

22 years ..... still tearful!!

HateIsNotGood · 29/12/2019 01:57

Never - he's 18 now - and still makes me tearful, moreso tears of joy now.

Original poster
1plus2equalstrouble · 29/12/2019 01:59

I don't think it's PND, I'm ok in tbe day it's just when people ask how I am and I have to actually think about it, or when I'm alone awake listening to their breathing and wondering what's wrong with them. Twin1 is a really cryey baby so if he's awake and not being fed he's crying to be held which makes me feel like he's always sad because I'm not doing something right.

The babies both make lots of wet burp noises and you look exoe ting to see a posset but there's rarely anything there which is why I thought silent reflux, T1 randomly screams mid feed too and is constantly throwing himself sideways as if he can't get comfortable elsewise. He also gets frequent hiccups. But then I know I'm paranoid so I'm constantly talking myself few down

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ParkheadParadise · 29/12/2019 02:03

With dd1, I felt ok and never cried (that was 27yrs ago)

With dd2(4yrs ago) I had suffered a bereavement 2mths before she was born. I cried everyday before she was born and for months after. My DH didn't know what to do , he had me in one arm dd2 in the other both crying.

Honeybee85 · 29/12/2019 02:08

For a month or 3/4.
Baby blues didn’t disappear and became PND.

I heard baby blues are very common and should disappear by themselves after 2-3 weeks.

HateIsNotGood · 29/12/2019 02:11

And 1plus, none of them do what they are 'meant' to do, they just do; and in the early days, you just respond and do too. Just go with the flow.

Sounds like you might have 2? Not easy at all, just go with it, if you have any concerns about your babies' health, raise it with the nearest source of advice you trust. And the professionals too when they are available.

Early days...hard days and nights...your tears are natural, don't worry about them Flowers.

Nat6999 · 29/12/2019 02:54

I had horrific PND, it took me a good 6 months to start to recover.

Cornyplaster · 29/12/2019 04:06

Twins is utterly overwhelming, and exponentially harder than a singleton. If you’re even fed and dressed you’re doing well. Have you joined TAMBA, and your local twins club? And spoken to your HV? PND is much more common in multiples. Hang in there! X x

Cornyplaster · 29/12/2019 04:11

Re reflux, one of mine had CMPI and the other had ordinary reflux. They both ended up on prescription formula and things did get better then. But T1 was always a whiner, nothing was ever quite right somehow, and he’d scream the place down for hours! Turned out he has ADHD and is still very noisy! Sometimes you just get a tricky baby. In fact I think that was the biggest surprise of motherhood - you get fully formed little people, not blank canvasses. It does get better, honest. Mine are quite nice now! Grin

Bluewavescrashing · 29/12/2019 04:18

About a week.

As soon as I stopped breastfeeding and changed to formula I felt much better

Babynumber2dueNov · 29/12/2019 04:44

I’ve got an 8 week old and am only just starting to feel ok. This time round I could notice a rush of hormones and realised it was related. Almost like a sinking feeling every evening between 5-7pm. Everything felt helpless and hopeless. I also worried myself stupid about her health which culminated in one day me convincing myself she was epileptic (eyerolling and breathing odd), autistic (didn’t want to be held? She was 5 weeks at the time! I was clearly loosing my shit at this point!) and she had a sever tummy infection (because she’d never pooed properly). I decided to ring the gp about the poo and they popped her on some laxatives and now she’s fine. Go to your GP about the reflux, switch bottles/milk if need be. Your boy who cries to be held has just come out of your beautiful tummy where he was comfy and safe and warm for his whole little existence, he just wants to be close to you- you’re not doing anything wrong! I promise! He may be grumpy and not content but it’s nothing you’ve done! Please don’t put that on yourself! With the throwing sideways my newborn gave me a partial black eye at about 5 weeks throwing herself sideways as I was trying to burp her, it’s just a reaction, then learning to control their core. You are doing absolutely everything you can. You love them and they love you and that’s all you need right now. Have you heard of Stacey Solomon’s podcasts on being a new mum? She’s not everyone’s cup of tea but my god it’s lovely to hear someone talk about how awful it is sometimes and how your hormones make you crazy! I really hope you’ve got another new mum to be chatting to as this makes a huge difference. If you ever need a moan or just want to chat during night feeds drop me a message. I’ve realised this time round with n2 the term its takes a village’ is so bloody true! Thinking of you, it will pass and if it doesn’t then just pop to the drs xxxxx

thundernlightning · 29/12/2019 05:10

Every day for a full year, for all kinds of different reasons (sleep deprivation, depression, pain from tongue tie and breastfeeding, poverty, fear, you name it). Everyone is different, and everyone’s circumstances are different. Give yourself time.

Glowbuggy · 29/12/2019 05:17

About 6 weeks of tears. He struggled to feed, was jaundice and had reflux. It all clicked in to place after that 6 week period. Totally normal - and congratulations Smile

99bb · 29/12/2019 07:14

Make sure you get out to baby groups etc. Babies are weird and it’s always helpful to see all the other babies doing the same weird stuff

GiveHerHellFromUs · 29/12/2019 07:22

About 6 weeks. It's hard in the early days x

jaseyraex · 29/12/2019 07:36

With DS1 I was never tearful. Sailed through the early years. Then came DS2 and I cried almost every day and night for about 6 months. DS2 had CMPA and terrible eczema which went undiagnosed until he was 6 months, he was miserable all the time and I had PND. Things improved with neocate prescription formula and steroid creams but even now at 18 months, he's never entirely happy. I suspect he'll be on the spectrum like DS1, it was around this age I noticed it with DS1 and DS2 is presenting a lot of similarities atm.

Anyway, if you think your twins have reflux/any other ailments, please do keep on at your GP if things don't improve. Don't be fobbed off. Also if you ever feel like it's more than the usual baby blues, speak to your HV or GP asap. Dont suffer along with potential PND.

Bipbipbipbip · 29/12/2019 07:49

About 6 weeks. And then one day I realised I hadn't cried all day and then cried because I hadn't cried! Ah the hormones!

foxatthewindow · 29/12/2019 07:53

For me, both times, the first 8 weeks were really tough, and that was with significant PND (DC1) and without (DC2). Everything is changing so quickly at that time that I felt adrift for weeks. Once babies get a bit bigger they become more predictable and it doesn’t feel like such a huge onslaught. Twins will obviously be much harder work, the nappies alone must be never ending! So I guess I want to say is that feeling overwhelmed might be normal, but it also might not. Do have a chat with your HV/GP about it if you need x

JingleBelle27 · 29/12/2019 08:06

I have a 5 month old and I still have days where everything feels overwhelming and I cry a little.

If you have twins then it must be even more overwhelming for you. Just take your time with it all so you can take it all in. Trust your instincts (I know about anxiety with their health, my DC was in NICU for a while and I’m still anxious about his health now that he’s home and well).

Soon all those “how are you doing?” Questions will slope off as it becomes less ‘new’ and if that’s what triggers your crying then hopefully the tears will slope off too.

It’s hard work, so much harder than I thought it would be but you’ll find you’re rhythm and get used to it all.

Good luck OP 😊

AnnaBegins · 29/12/2019 08:30

I don't have twins but did have one with silent reflux who cried all the time and would only be upright. HV told me one thing to suggest reflux rather than standard "colic" is arching the back rather than curling up into a ball.

A sling was a life saver. If you can get to a sling library many do free stretchy wrap hire for newborns, you can actually put both twins in one stretchy wrap and there are also specific twin carriers.

Original poster
1plus2equalstrouble · 29/12/2019 11:43

Thank you ladies, I thinly ill see how I'm going by the 6 week check then and allow myself to just be until then.
Ds1 was so poorly for long that my hormones had a natural vent as I was crying so much anyway / took a back to everything else Tbh. Sat up half the night listening to T1 breathe and cry, finally dozed him besides me in bed.
They're not even meant to be out my tummy yet I get why T1 is clingy but that just makes me paranoid about T2 for being so chill. DH is home so it's letting me sleep of a morning whilst he does first feed but means by body clock is whacked. Midwife is due tomorrow, I know I can talk to her but I know I'll cry and she's already worried about me

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