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AIBU?

Allow contact or not?

7 replies

libertysilk · 28/12/2019 23:01

My daughter’s father contacted me via text on 20th December asking what he can get her for Christmas. Again on Christmas Day saying I’ve been an awesome woman and mother and he can’t understand why I’m ignoring his messages.
Our daughter is almost 2. He’s seen her a handful of times. He pays no maintenance, always making excuses. Threatening that I shouldn’t contact child maintenance department. I’m too frightened as to what he’d do, and the money isn’t worth the drama he’d cause. He’s been extremely rude face to face and via text. Said being pretty doesn’t gain his respect. He’s accused me of certain things, and when I prove him wrong, no apology is forthcoming. He misinterprets what I say, and snaps and gets angry, and stomps off.very quickly.

I’m at a loss as to what to do. He seems to think seeing her every 3 months or so is ok. He’s very rude, disrespectful, controlling and manipulative, but also extremely charming. He’s lied on numerous occasions.
A friend I’ve known for years says I can’t and shouldn’t block him from seeing our daughter.
Believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve tried every approach, and he remains the same.
Would appreciate some advice.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

9 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
33%
You are NOT being unreasonable
67%
BlackeyedSusan · 28/12/2019 23:04

Contact CMS. Offer supervised contact little and often to build up he relationship. Don't chase him for contact.

Shoxfordian · 28/12/2019 23:05

Block him
No maintenance, no contact
Let him go to court for contact if he's that bothered; but it doesn't seem like he would be

Louise91417 · 28/12/2019 23:12

Dont really understand these fathers emerging at christmas time. I personally think there is usually an alternative motive hidden behind the emotional blackmail card. The decision is quite simple..do you want a father for your child who is there consistantly, dependable and supportive in a parental role..a father who is a good example, will teach good morals and work with you to parent your child together..or...are you happy for an undependable prick to walk in and out of your childs life when it suits them, using xmas as the emotional blackmail card and who does not believe it is his moral duty to support his child financially and emotionally through out their life and only pops his head up when he feels a twinge of guilt...i really believe pricks like this do more damage to a child...im perhaps being a bit cynical due to my own experienceHmm

Louise91417 · 28/12/2019 23:14

Just to add my ds has nc with his "father"

libertysilk · 29/12/2019 07:51

On our daughters 1st birthday, he wasn't listening to what I was saying and behaved appallingly. He sent me a barrage of verbal abuse afterwards.
He has other children from a previous relationship, and lied that he'd told them they have a sister. He professes to be the perfect father and man.
Embarrassingly, he has private videos of me. I'm scared if I went to CMS he'd do something with them. I've not seen his worse behaviour as I moderate my behaviour around him. What would going to the CMS do?
He's told me I shouldn't dictate how to be a father as he is great.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 29/12/2019 08:00

Go to the CSA and report that he has these photos to the Police. If he does anything with them, he'll get a prison sentence.

Or live your life being verbally abused and threatened and have your child emotionally abused.

He isn't going to change, you have the choice of either doing what you are supposed to, or allowing it to continue.

libertysilk · 29/12/2019 09:16

I hear what you are saying to those responding. But, I'm scared. What is he capable of. I live a drama free life. And I'd be opening up a can of worms. Yes, we struggle financially, every month. I work part-time to allow time for my children and do 80% school pick ups.
Would he go for contact to spite me? Would he get contact. I'm thinking of all of these factors.
The easiest solution seems move away, then he wouldn't know where we were. But, he's fond of saying he has a friend who is a police detective. Like he's got something on me? I don't have a criminal record.

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