I've been recovering (slowly) from a serious health issue mid year, my best friend passed away suddenly and unexpectedly at the end of November and i then miscarried what would have been mine and OH's third baby the week before Christmas. It has been a shitty year and as such, my DM has been keeping us close and being motherly.
My DM (63, fit and active) has wanted to provide emotional support so has been spending more time with me than she usually would at her own insistence, never requested by me and we will now see each other multiple times a week as opposed to just the once. Mum dotes on the children and gets great joy from being around them, however she is never asked or expected to participate in childcare I must add.
We go for coffee, I cook her tea, she will invite us round for Sunday lunch etc. It's also relevant to add that mum is always the one who initiates these things, she will call and say how are you today would you like a visitor, can I pop round or do you fancy taking a walk to the park with the children. Etc.
DM's sister Mary (not her real name) has taken umbrage with this for no reason other than the fact she's less available for her as the pair are close. Mary is very possessive of mum and will call her 3-5 times during the duration of our visits, inviting mum to her place or wanting to know when she would next be seeing her. She is - I think - lonely, despite having friends, and would prefer to spend her spare time with mum.
I'm not overly close with Mary myself in part due to her overbearing nature but I see her once in a while and we exchange pleasantries over a cup of tea. I don't see why I should include an aunt in the time I spend with my DM or the time my DM spends with her GC.
Today I've woken up to a text from Mary saying she has spoken to Jane (another aunt, but one I have no contact with) and after "raising concerns" with Jane over the phone they have concluded that mum must be feeling pressured to spend so much time with us and they don't think that she should be doing because she needs "time to herself"
It's not about mum having time to herself, it's about mum having more time for her.
I haven't spoken to Jane in over a decade, mum barely hears from her and they will see one another once a year - if that - but Mary and Jane are close. I don't know why Mary has gotten Jane involved to be completely honest.
I immediately called mum and asked whether all was ok and if she knew anything about what Mary was saying and mum was clearly annoyed - saying she vehemently refutes the "rubbish" Jane was spouting and she will be "having strong words" with her today for having the "cheek" to interfere with her agency to choose how she spends her time. She said she has never said a word that would indicate she feels pressurised to spend time with me and does so because she wants to, and wants to see her grandchildren.
My OH was privy to the exchange and said Mary is behaving like a jealous, petulant child. However, I cannot be doing with drama or being demonized at the minute when I've done nothing wrong so I'm at a loss as to how to proceed to limit additional stress.
WIBU to tell the aunt to go and F off or should I stop spending as much time with my DM to keep the peace? WWYD?