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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have said Thankyou?

25 replies

Idontlikeithere1 · 28/12/2019 14:48

Give all family and in laws presents Xmas day got a Thankyou off of everybody except for sil.
She wasn’t very well so haven’t seen her over the Xmas period at all. Not the best of friends but we are civil to each other.
Didn’t get a Thankyou for any of the presents for her or her children. Bil said nothing either. I did say Thankyou and heard nothing back. Think it’s very rude and tempted to say something when next see them.

OP posts:
navteexo · 28/12/2019 16:28

That is very rude. I would say something like 'so did the kids like the presents?' Fed up of rude in laws.

KarmaStar · 28/12/2019 17:23

Agree it is very impolite to not acknowledge gifts.
Depends how ill she is,maybe she hasn't been up to opening gifts yet?,you specifically mentioned your sil in your heading,so has it upset you more that she hasn't thanked you than bil?are their dc old enough to thank you themselves in a card?

EC22 · 28/12/2019 17:24

They were rude but the time to say something has gone.

MRex · 28/12/2019 17:57

Perhaps she's more ill than you realise, have you asked how she is? It can be very hard to keep up with people's expectations if you're unwell.

DelftChina · 28/12/2019 17:59

You refer to them both as SIL and BIL. Perhaps it's time to let DP deal with his/her siblings?

FreedomfromPE · 28/12/2019 18:04

It is indeed polite to thank someone for the gifts but are you sure that thanks hasn't come to your family, just not to you?
Plus you need to sort it out. Whilst thanks might be the polite thing there is absolutely no point in expecting demanding or chasing them up. Be polite enough to give without expectation Hmm. Plus maybe your gifts weren't appreciated

HugoSpritz · 28/12/2019 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Decidewhattobeandgobeit · 28/12/2019 18:34

YANBU but it’s not worth mentioning next time

littlekerry8 · 28/12/2019 18:34

People aren't perfect ...being poorly.... having a family.... busy Christmas period ... sometimes people just forget , she is human. Unless it was done on purpose it's not rude it's just a mistake

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 28/12/2019 18:35

I'm torn a thank you is obviously polite but if she was ill and normally isn't rude I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and assume it was forgotten and not deliberate.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 28/12/2019 18:36

It's only Saturday,give them time to thank you,we haven't done our thank yous yet eitherConfused

Perhaps she's really poorly?

WatchingTheMoon · 28/12/2019 18:36

I give stuff in order to make the other person happy, not to sit there waiting for a thank you in return.

Give or don't give, but giving with expectations is just bullshit.

Ragwort · 28/12/2019 18:38

Not clear if you gave them in person or not? If you physically handed the, to her and she didn’t say thank you that is rude, but if you had left them at her house to open then surely there’s still time to thank you? Confused. I received a gift from my DB the previous weekend, opened it on Boxing Day but haven’t phoned him to thank him, nor has he called me to thank me for his presents .. there is plenty of time.

mrsed1987 · 28/12/2019 18:38

My sil opened her present from us infront of us and we didnt get a thank you. Infact she seemed really unimpressed. I dont think ill bother with much in the future. Its just so rude.

Winter2020 · 28/12/2019 18:40

In my family I might have said to my husband "have you thanked your mum/dad/sisters for our (kids) presents?" and if he said "of course" I would consider them thanked. Particularly if it was mostly kids presents and say chocs/biscuits for us and particularly If we had also bought for them. If they had spent a lot on me personally I would text or thank them personally too.

MostlyChocolate · 28/12/2019 18:43

I hate rude people at Christmas....sad thing is it's becoming the norm in my experience.

WatchingTheMoon · 28/12/2019 18:44

@mostlychocolate Personally I find it rude to expect a card or whatever in return for a present, especially, what, 3 days after Christmas when the person is sick?

That's far ruder imo.

Angie6868 · 28/12/2019 18:46

Maybe she's still poorly?

MostlyChocolate · 28/12/2019 18:58

@WatchingTheMoon in no way would I ever expect a ty card at all but DEFINITELY a text or WhatsApp, of phone call. Especially in today's modern world. I remember being brought up properly with thank you and pleases. I didn't like ringing round aunties and uncles when little but bloody hell I understand why now I'm older and living away. Takes 2 seconds to WhatsApp.

MostlyChocolate · 28/12/2019 18:59

And @WatchingTheMoon I've had a shit Xmas with a chest infection and still managed to WhatsApp my TY's.

BackforGood · 28/12/2019 21:07

AIBU to not have said thank you

Give all family and in laws presents Xmas day

She wasn’t very well so haven’t seen her over the Xmas period at all.

got a Thankyou off of everybody except for sil

Didn’t get a Thankyou for any of the presents for her or her children. Bil said nothing either.

This is very confusing.

  1. Why didn't you say thank you ? (as in, you AIBU title) ?
  1. Did you or did you not give her her present on Christmas day, as you say you did and say you didn't in your opening post
  1. Is she the only one -(as you say in your opening post) or was it also your BiL and dns (as you also say in your opening post)
BloggersBlog · 28/12/2019 21:13

YANBU - rude. It isnt an expectation to get a thank you. It is basic manners, ill or not.

Whatisafrond · 28/12/2019 21:14

I'm confused about whether she was there or not, as you say you haven't seen her over the Xmas period. Does that include Xmas Day?

If she was there on Xmas Day, and you gave her the present there and then, I do think it's rude not to say thank you.

If not, given that a few days have gone by, I think it's rude that neither BIL or SIL have said thank you.

However, given that BIL was there, perhaps she was expecting him to have said thank you for her? Maybe she'd left a message with him and he didn't pass it on?

danishkids · 28/12/2019 21:22

my family and I have been sick since the 21st , we have used all our extra energy to try and give the kids a good Christmas despite the vomiting etc.

I haven’t written thanks to any of my family or friends yet despite them giving our kids presents, not because we are ungrateful, but because we are sick.

Maybe just wait a few days? It can take
Time and effort to write to everyone in your family to say thanks, or maybe they are making thank you cards.

I hope
My family aren’t annoyed...

MostlyChocolate · 28/12/2019 22:42

@danishkids they probably do think you're rude. It's takes 2 seconds to txt or WhatsApp. If you can spend time in front of the TV you can txt.

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