Getting married

[Gettingtoomuch1]

Apologies but I’m shamelessly posting for traffic.

I have been engaged to my DP for 5 years (been together 7) and we have decided that next year we will tie the knot.

We are saving for a mortgage so we want a very low key / low stress wedding (ideas welcome!) Only family and very close friends for ceremony.

We thought of having the ceremony in a registry office and then I was looking at hiring a place overlooking the beach for the reception. (Very reasonably priced) My DP then said that we should just stick with having a ceremony and no reception (his point is that we want to keep costs down and the only ‘important’ bit is the ceremony.

I get what he’s saying but isn’t it the ‘done thing’ to have a reception, feed the people kind enough to come etc or is it reasonable to do what he is saying? I said if he wants to do that then maybe we should do it on our own and then hire a hall at some point after we have bought the house and celebrate both with family and friends but he understandably wants his parents at the wedding.

We want to get married so that’s not the AIBU bit. I guess WIBU to not have a reception?

Sorry for rambling!

Don't have a reception because it's the 'done thing'! Have one if you want to and don't if you don't want to. It's for you and your DP to discuss and decide.

Stop! The pair of you are on different pages. Sit down and talk it through. What do you want? What can you afford? How much if what you want is based on the expectation of others? How much do you agree on? What can you compromise on?

What does your wedding look like now? Do you both like it?

You don’t have to hire anywhere. Depending on your numbers why not book a table at a pub instead to keep costs down?

You don’t have to hire anywhere. Depending on your numbers why not book a table at a pub instead to keep costs down?

That's what we did. We had a carvery which was lovely, then after the guests went home we spent the night in the honeymoon suite at a local hotel.

Very relaxed and a lovely day.

I like your thinking but dont be pressured into the "done thing" have as low key as you both want

I think it would be a bit odd to invite people to a ceremony and then everyone just goes home. Depending on your numbers, what about booking a restaurant for a meal, doesn't need to be fancy, just somewhere to meet with your guests after the ceremony and have something to eat and drink.

Thank you all for your replies.

The booking a restaurant sounds like a good idea - hadn’t thought of that.

We both don’t want a huge wedding. We are happy with the ceremony, he doesn’t feel like spending extra money on hiring a room / DJ (although I’m happy with an iPad and a decent playlist) and having a few drinks / food with family and friends. He then added that we would then need to decorate it etc.

I will mention the restaurant idea to him. I think he would like that too.

Thanks again

We had 6 wedding guests and just booked a big table at a local restaurant after. In the end our parents insisted on picking up the bill so that bit was free!

How about an afternoon tea with sparkling wine, in the classiest venue available.
I recently went to an afternoon tea celebration for about 25 people, in a very exclusive hotel. It was fantastic, cost less than a dinner and the guests took remaining sandwiches and cakes home in fancy boxes. ( apparently for the children!)

Thanks.

For those that did have a smaller wedding / had lunch / food at restaurants or afternoon tea, did you wear a wedding dress or was it similar to one? Or like a classy dress?

We struggled to book anywhere for our reception that ticks all the boxes.
I was happy to just have the ceremony and be done, as that is the important bit.
As it is we found a venue and will be doing the whole shebang in about 6 months!

Book a mid December wedding as all venues will already be decorated for Christmas. You can also save a fortune by having a late afternoon ceremony so you only have one set of catering costs. You can have a restaurant meal straight in the evening & won't have to pay for an evening reception.

Restaurant is decided. Both really pleased so thank you all.

I’m guessing I would need to let them know that it’s for a wedding? Would be for about 20 of us.

Hooray.
Yes let them know it’s for a wedding. Most restaurants will let you bring a wedding cake, drop it off and after you do the cut the cake bit, the staff will take it away, cut slices and serve it on restaurant plates to your guests either for free or a small extra fee.

Fab - thank you!

Going to do it a couple of days before my mums birthday as she passed away some few years ago.

Would it be weird if I wore the wedding dress she wore to a restaurant? I want to try and ‘incorporate’ her as much as possible. My DP will be wearing a suit obviously but don’t know whether to keep it low key on the outfit?

It will be your wedding day, you should absolutely wear your wedding dress, xXx

Sounds lovely 💗

Thank you everyone

Very exciting!