Husband right or am I bu??

[Feedmylambs]

Husband arranging courier to deliver heavy furniture, I’m currently on mat leave with our 5mo dd. Asked if he could try to arrange delivery for when he’s off, his response was to start shouting swearing at me (in front of Dd) saying I’m awkward and ungrateful. Have taken delivery of furniture before with the baby and honestly it’s easier if he’s home To deal with it. Was I being awkward and unreasonable? He frequently shouts in front of dd over the smallest thing and I’m getting tired of it as it’s no good for us and certainly no good for her.

I suspect he is shouting because he is annoyed by your request because he is deliberately trying to organise it for when he is not there...

He wants to be able to get home and walk into a room that has the new - to you - furniture in the right place with no effort to him (in case they want him to help move it) and if there’s a problem then he can shout at you for being the idiot that signed for it and missed whatever problem it is when inspecting it on delivery. If there’s a big obvious problem he doesn’t want to be the one that has to say he doesn’t accept it and so on.

Making you accept the delivery means that anything negative happens with the furniture makes this all your fault for ever more and he likes that. He certainly doesn’t want to give that controlling power up.

That’s why he is being angry at you - because attack is the best form of defence and it’s easier to shout at you rather than explain his real motives and reasons as that would make him look unreasonable...

Doesn’t make it right at all - and I certainly don’t agree with it - but reckon this is why he has reacted as he has.

I'd be curious as to his side. On the face of what you've said he is totally unreasonable. But if this was th straw that broke the camels back and you're always wanting him to take responsibility he may have just snapped. Getting furniture delivered with a five month old in the house isn't a big deal, you just say where you wish it.or leave it packed up for when he is back.

In my experience there are two sides to every story, yours, his and then the truth. I'm friends with a couple splitting, as I have been before, and it's astonishing how they both tell the same stories, but in each version the one telling is totally innocent, and the other highly unreasonable. And they both do it very convincingly too. I've started to think this is actually very common, and as such, if he was to post his side, it would be the same story but with a totally different slant on it.

@Bluntness100 that's three sides...

With regards to Bluntness' comment - when I gave my husband's ultimatum, I asked him whether there was anything about me or my behaviour he didn't like or thought was unreasonable. He said there wasn't. He hadn't realised how much his behaviour had upset me and was horrified it had got to the point I thought the only answer was him moving out.

All adults know how it is acceptable to act and treat people, we all choose whether to treat each other with respect or not.

I wonder whether the OP's husband treats everyone who upsets him with such contempt, or if it's just his family he thinks deserve to be abused in this way.

Even if he was annoyed, there are respectful anf adult ways to convey such emotion.

Not nice if he's swearing at you but I do agree with him that you should take delivery. Did you want him to book a day off work? That seems unreasonable when you're off. Can't you put baby in pushchair/ highchair/ playpen/ cot for a few minutes?
Seems a bit of a non issue to me. On the surface your husband sounds unreasonable but perhaps your behaviour is a little precious since having a baby.

If he’s like my exh wibdib will be right.

I think when you have a baby you can feel a bit vulnerable about people coming into your house when you’re alone- and they’ll have to come in if it’s heavy. Plus if he’s a critical type he might well have a go at OP for getting it wrong, and again this might well happen if there’s a LO distracting her.

So I think there are valid reasons for wanting him to be there as well as it being always wrong to shout at you as a reaction.

Husband needs anger management classes and might as well end him to parenting classes too. His reaction was way too unreasonable.

But you’re a bit unreasonable asking him to take the day off work for a simple delivery. We once moved to a new home and I had a 8wk old and just turned 2yr old still in nappies to handle plus all the movers delivering our household furniture and boxes while my husband was at work. And it was raining.

It’s stressful, but sometimes you have to woman up and realise you CAN take care of babies AND supervise deliveries at the same time.

She didn't ask him to take a day off.

She asked if he could arrange the delivery for a day when he would be there.

Totally different and hardly unreasonable imo.