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Wedding boundaries

4 replies

nutcrackered · 28/12/2019 11:23

We have sorted our wedding in the last few weeks. Not a big deal or a big fuss made but dp mentioned it at a gathering. Somebody asked when it would be and he said we would send invites out in the next few weeks and the details will all be on them then.
The reason for this is that dp,s ex can be very difficult & controlling and we would like to make sure date is ok with her for his dc to be able to come first before we tell anybody else and she finds out second hand. This could take a few weeks as she can be very "no I'm refusing that unless you do this" and it takes a lot of negotiation. But we would like that arranged first it just feels right.
One of his sisters has asked him for all of the information and he said he will get an invite to her asap but she keeps pushing and pushing saying she won't be able to get time off ect. It's not an imminent wedding by any means so waiting a few weeks to find out won't make any difference. AIBU In not telling her the date until we have sorted with his ex or is she for pushing? She's quite close with the ex and I don't want her to find out like that. For what it's worth we have been engaged for 4 years and have our own child together too.

OP posts:

OwlinaTree · 28/12/2019 11:26

I'd be honest. 'We want to discuss the date with ex first so we know it fits in with her plans and that the children will be able to come. No point telling you the date until we know it's definitely going to be then'

Sounds like the sister is stirring a bit tbh.


turnthebiglightoff · 28/12/2019 11:31

I had to submit my feb2020 - feb 2021 holidays by early oct last year with work. Maybe it's that?


NailsNeedDoing · 28/12/2019 11:37

Does she even know what month you’re planning on? If you know it’s not until summer 2021 or thereabouts then you are secure in knowing that there’s plenty of time for people, but if she’s imaging that it might be in six months time then I can see why she’d need to know. People start planning and booking their holidays in January, and might need to give lots of notice for work.

I’d be honest with your reasons for not telling just yet because it’s a fair and understandable reason, but bear in mind that it genuinely does help people to know as soon a possible when it will be.


OldEvilOwl · 28/12/2019 13:22

Just tell her it hasn't been confirmed yet

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