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To go NC with DF family

3 replies

BellatrixLeStrangest · 28/12/2019 08:35

I don't wish to drip feed but I also don't want to write every small detail in here as it would take ages, you'd get bored and I probably wouldn't get the advice I need.
I'm already NC with my DF pretty much. I last saw him at a funeral almost 5 years ago. He's never met my kids (4&5). He never really wanted a relationship with me from being young, wanted me adopted, was very flaky, quite abusive etc. In his slight defence he was very young when he had me (19).
Even so I've always had a relationship with his parents (my grandparents) apart from around 3 years when I was aged between 11 and 14, I went NC with them also due to it being too painful to see them as my dad didn't want much to do with me.
Fast forward to now, grandad has been gone for some time now. My grandmother is on her own. Her sons go and see her almost every day, she's never on her own and has help from a neighbour also.
Just before Christmas I go and see her with some cards (for the family that I don't really see) and a present for her and my dads partner (even though I have NC with my dad I still speak to her most weeks).
We have a nice catch up, reminisce about grandad etc.
I don't go and see her as much as I should do. She's around 40 mins away from me. However I have terrible and traumatic memories of the place where she lives and it takes me a while to have to gear myself up to go.
I hand over the gifts and cards and leave with a bag of cards and presents for me and the kids. All is well. Until I ring on Boxing Day to see if she's had a nice time.
Now my grandmother has always been very nice to me. My mum has told me tales of times when she's not been nice to her however I just brushed that aside as that wasn't my experience.
When I ring she answers the phone and sounds really pissed off. I ask how her Christmas was and she says it was very quiet. She's unusually quiet on the phone so I ask her what's wrong. She says she's disappointed in me and rages about the card I got for her (not the correct wording and not special enough) and the handbag I bought her isn't suitable for her, she doesn't like it etc etc. She sounds so angry when she's speaking to me and I'm pretty much speechless. The handbag I got for her wasn't cheap. I spent ages finding it for her, thinking about the weight, colour etc.
She pretty much puts the phone down on me and pretends someone's at the door.
I'm then in tears on/ off for the rest of the day. It pretty much ruins my Boxing Day. I'm having to hold it together for the kids so they don't see me upset.
She does not have any form of dementia and she hadn't had a drink. I checked. If it was either of those things I probably would still be very hurt but would be more understanding and wouldn't have taken it to heart.
AIBU to just go NC with her now as well? All that family has done since I was born is cause me pain and quite frankly I'm done.

OP posts:
custardbear · 28/12/2019 08:52

She's either really horrible, or you may be wrong about dementia? Early stage, revert to type etc
I I take it you haven't done something else she may have caught wind of? Is it your dads mum? Wondered if she's getting the grumps there was nothing for your DF?

BellatrixLeStrangest · 28/12/2019 09:12

She is my dads mum but she never refers to him as my dad. It's like the elephant in the room basically. It's quite complicated. She never mentions him and neither do I. But I know he's there most days.

OP posts:
LilyMumsnet · 29/12/2019 09:26

We're just moving this thread over to aibu for the OP. Flowers

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