To feel very let down

[MaitlandGirl]

So we rent from my BIL, he actually asked us to live into this property (giving up a secure tenancy with a real estate agent) as he was having problems with his previous tenants.

I don’t work as I’m my DWs full time carer.

Today BIL dropped a bombshell - he’s getting the house appraised with a view to selling. MIL knew this yesterday but chose not to say anything as she didn’t want to get involved. BIL didn’t even have the decency to come up and tell us face to face, he phoned us instead.

I get that it’s his house and he can do what the he’ll he wants with it, but where the hell are we supposed to live? The private rental market is non existent here and as neither of us are working we can’t rent through a real estate agent.

I’m quite honestly terrified, in 2 months we could be homeless with no chance of finding anywhere. DW already has poor mental health and this is going to push her into another breakdown.

I just feel so let down as we only moved in here because we were promised that it was a long term investment that he would never sell.

I would be fuming with BIL in your situation. He didn't have to get involved in your housing but chose to - and he has let you down. Not through no fault of his own but through greed. I agree with a previous poster that if you can possibly find something (perhaps draw on the expertise of any housing officers for schemes/suitable landlords) then it would be great to move out ASAP and leave BIL with no rent while he sells.

There’s been some progress with this. It’s all so confusing and dramatic and it all sounds so ridiculous but this is the family I married into.

We had a formal lease when we moved on, now expired so onto a periodic lease. We will be changing that ASAP if we’re able to convince BIL not to sell. 12 mths ago he mentioned to MIL that he wanted to increase the rent and she told him we couldn’t afford it so not to, so since then he’s been struggling financially (he had some other financial hits too).

The house is being valued this week to see if selling is a viable option or not. If it is we’re totally fucked, it’ll sell within a week of being on the market in this area. If not then I need to talk to him about a new lease and rent increase (that we can afford and will happily pay).

We’re desperately hoping for a poorish valuation this week so BIL doesn’t sell, but it’s brought home to us how utterly vulnerable we are and we’re looking at ways to improve our situation with a view to relocating at the beginning of 2021.

Whatever happens I’ll make sure it’s all done according to the law. I know my rights as a tenant, but I doubt BIL knows them or his obligations as a landlord. Full notice periods will be enforced for everything and the fact we’ve never had working smoke alarms, the boiler checked or our bond legally deposited will all be brought to the attention of the tribunal if he gets awkward.

Also, MIL is firmly blocked on all social media and can’t contact DW or I by phone. We’re done with her shit.

"it’ll sell within a week of being on the market in this area"
Not with sitting tenants it won't. Most people need a mortgage and a mortgage company won't allow completion without vacant possession. A buyer would be foolish to even start to spend money on surveys without vacant possession.

We had the valuation today and a face to face discussion with BIL.

Upshot is he wants to sell, doesn’t need to but wants to. He had no idea how difficult it would be for us to find alternative suitable accommodation and honestly thought giving us 2mths notice was being very generous.

I think we’ve managed to convince him we need 12mths to find somewhere else. 12mths through an actual real estate agent so we can use a formal rent ledger to convince another real estate agent that we can afford to pay rent and we’re good tenants. Financially that won’t help him but it will (hopefully) help us.

No idea what will happen after 12 mths but at least 1 of the kids will have moved out by then which makes things a little easier in terms of relocating.

MIL is now on everyone’s shit list and hasn’t spoken to anyone in days.

So we’ve got 12 mths to try and save as much money as possible, while paying an increased rent, so that we can at least afford to move even if no one will take us. Not great, but a better situation than we were in last week.

Hi OP,
Have you agreed with BIL that you can move at any point in the 12 months (or are you signing a new 12 month tenancy?) If you are committed for 12 months then you will likely find yourself in the same predicament as you will only be able to afford to move in the last couple of months if you also will owe rent on your old place as well as the new.

If you can move whenever you like with say 1 months notice then that is good.

Contact some housing associations/ask for advice /get your name down.

I can't quite understand why you have cut off MIL. As I understand it when NIL said he would put the rent up she asked him not to. It might have not worked out well but surely she meant well. It is BIL trying to evict you not MIL. Sounds like you might be directing your anger at the wrong person. Personally he sounds like a greedy bastard who has messed with the lives of his family members to suit himself.

You do have a lot more power than you realise. You are trying to "convince him" not to sell. Just don't move out and he won't be able to sell - easy. Move out when you find somewhere - Don't sign a new tenancy! Yes he can evict you but that will take ages and he probably hasn't met the criteria to even start the clock ticking (no section 21?) Don't tell him any of your plans or what he needs to do to evict you legally as him figuring that out for himself is some of the time that you need.

To anyone that thinks this is a bad way to behave I think the BIL is behaving badly and putting himself first and deserves a taste of his own medicine.

Tbh, your Mil screwed you over when he wanted to up the rent and she said you couldn't afford it. So he's taken the financial hit when you could have afforded to pay more.

He doesn't sound like he has behaved that badly tbh. Last year he talked to mil (why?) about increasing the rent because he was struggling financially, they pay under market rent anyway. MIL said they couldn't afford it (when they could have done) so the BIL didn't increase the rent and struggled on. Now he doesn't want to any more and he is in the wrong?

If you don't find anywhere in a year then ensure he does have to formally evict you so at least the council have an obligation to house you somewhere.

Do not make yourself unintentionally homeless by moving out

We’re currently paying market rent for the area and when he puts the rent up we will be paying over rent for the area. I don’t have any issue with paying market rate but overpaying sticks in my throat a lot.

My MIL likes to think she’s a co-owner if this house and sticks her nose into every decision that we (DW, myself and BIL) make. BIL was overseas when the house was being built so MIL was far too involved in the build process, and now feels it’s partly her house. It’s not and never has been but that doesn’t stop her from getting over involved. Her latest interference is the latest in a long line of her being a pain and is (for us) the final straw. She wasn’t trying to help, she was interfering and she’s screwed us all over.

We discussed with BIL today that our finances are none of MILs business and he needs to start being a proper landlord for as long as we’ve got left here. He admitted he’s gotten lazy as we’re family and hasn’t done any of his landlords duties as he finds it hard to remember he’s the owner when he comes up to see us.

I’m going to talk to a property lawyer next week and find out the best way to get a break lease clause into the new lease (assuming we can get one). Ideally I want it to be 1mths notice at any time during the lease but I’m not sure that’s legal.

For now, we’re putting it aside for a few days. It’s been a really hard time and DW is really sick again and needs sometime where she doesn’t have to worry about family drama and potential homelessness.

Also, I’ve absolutely no intention of screwing BIL over and making him take me to court to get me out. DW can’t cope with that and it’s not fair on anyone.

may I ask OP how you pay your rent currently if both not working?

I am not recommending you screw BIL over but if you can't find a suitable property then he needs to serve you appropriate notice etc so you are not making yourself "intentionally" homeless.

I would speak to Shelter to ask what is the process for BIL "evicting" you so that you qualify for council support. It will give you a higher banding when this process is ongoing and with ill health etc you may find that you are a priority for social housing.

Please seek advice for the worst case scenarios, plus many councils can assist with rent deposit schemes etc.

You can assure BIL that you will look after the property and you are actively searching so that you can move out but if you can't find anywhere he will need to follow the process to "evict" you in order that qualify for assurance.

So what happens in Australia with benefits etc?

Neither of you ‘work’-if you hadn’t been offered this rental, what would you had done instead? I say ‘work’ like that as it’s not bringing any money for bills/rent in but obviously caring is work.

If social housing has a 7 year waiting list-what other options are there?

DW is on a full disability payment and I am her full time permanent carer.

We were previously renting through a real estate agent (I was working full time when we got that house as DW wasn’t as sick as she is now) but that’s not an option for us now. For those asking about social housing, we’re not in the UK and the housing stock isn’t available.

This has all gotten very off track - my AIBU was “AIBU to feel very let down?”. Things have been handled very badly and lots of unnecessary harm and distress has been caused but at least we know e definitely have to move, it’s just a case of when and where to.

This has all gotten very off track - my AIBU was “AIBU to feel very let down?”

The thing is, people’s situations change; it’s not like you’ve moved in and been asked to leave 6 weeks later. You’ve had 3.5 years there.

@fedup21 we had a house already, we were convinced to give up that house and move into this one as BIL swore blind he wasn’t ever going to sell. It was in effect a guaranteed life time tenancy, just without the actual guarantee. He promised us a life time in the house as a thank you for us moving in and looking after the house as if it were our own as he’d had awful tenants previously.

Same still applies though. He thought that was possible at the time and now it isn't.

Why did you move? I mean, if you had a secure tenancy where you were anyway.