To think some posts are very ungrateful?

[EMacCoffee]

I've seen about 4 threads tonight all talking about rubbish Christmas presents.

Do people not realise people have actually spent time and put thought into these gifts? I personally think then going to rant about it on the internet is very ungrateful.

I can't be the only one who hates seeing thsese threads at Christmas? I see it on other social media as well like Twitter and Facebook.

Gift giving is part of life as a grown up. People need to knuckle down and learn how to do it well.

Bollocks. Gift giving is manufactured by our consumerist capitalist society. It’s no wonder that it’s hard to buy gifts cos most adult people buy what the want for themselves anyway. If they don’t, it’s because they live in poverty and can’t afford to exchange gifts anyway. More and more stuff. More and more stress.

Kids fair enough but adult gift buying has just got ridiculous. Bah humbug!

My DH gave me something that is not remotely my kind of thing and looks like something you would pick up last minute in boots for a secret santa. (He did pick it up last minute in boots!)
I will ask for the receipt and take it back. My D uncle often buys us chocolates and other things we dont like but he is v disabled and cant get out much so I'm grateful he went to the effort. We usually put the edible things in the food bank.

Do people not realise people have actually spent time and put thought into these gifts?

But sometimes time and thought should have been put into it but hasn't been. No one put time and thought into buying chocolate for someone who is lactose intolerant or a teapot for the wife who doesn't drink tea.

On the contrary OP I think the point is that people often haven't put time or thought into the gift.
This creates a huge amount of waste and adds to the huge consumerism of Christmas which a lot of people don't want. It's not always a case of being ungrateful.

I agree with PP that among some adults it would be easier not to buy gifts for each other. M cousins and I don't know each other that well and will always end up getting pressies wrong (we could just ask each other but then we might as well just exchange £15). I'm going to suggest we just exchange cards next year.

I try to get presents I genuinely think the recipient will like. And not generic ones. But I’ve probably got it wrong on occasion. I am a bit autistic.

Do people not realise people have actually spent time and put thought into these gifts?

My complaint is that they haven't. My inlaws can't be arsed shopping or putting in any thought whatsoever so just transfer money into our bank account. How festive. And my other complaint was about the ubiquitous Baylis and Harding gift set which can be grabbed off the shelves of any supermarket. It's not "Oh what would Pineapple really like, maybe a toiletry set" it's "Oh that will do and even better it's on a 3 for 2.".

Agree with others. No time or thought given to buying a gift..just generic shit bought.
If you resort to doing that, don't bother.

Do people not realise people have actually spent time and put thought into these gifts?

if it's the posters who are shopping NOW in the sales for next year, clearly no effort and thought are put in the gifts!

so just transfer money into our bank account. How festive.

actually, it's very nice of them. You don't end up with crap, you can treat yourself to whatever you like.
You can get the "surprise" element from your own family and DH if you are missing it.

I would’ve never understood the ungrateful ness of this who don’t like their gifts until I met my mil...

She does her passive aggressive crap through gifting for sure and if I didn’t meet her I would’ve not beleives it

Example “daddy’s little girl” bibs for my son! A massively oversized size 20 dress for me who is a size 10 and just recovered from birth and tells me she thinks it won’t fit me ( that as well as patting my stomach asking if I have a baby there on a seperate occasion). She then notes that she gifted the same dress to HER mil who is in her 90s.

She claims I’m ungrateful. I claim she is gifting me to tick a box and use kindness to prove to her son that she is thoughtful and loving and that I have no grounds to not like her.

Believe me, toxic gift giving is a thing which I discovered recently.

YABU. Use your noggin OP and be empathetic.

I would love to have some friends and family to buy me stuff. Full stop. I would be so happy to receive a crap from my AWOL father. I'd love to get something, anything from my late mother.
People don't realise what they've got til it's gone.

Yabvu
My mum sent me a bar of almond chocolate and 2 size 18 tops. All sounds good except for the fact that I'm deathly allergic to almonds and I'm a size 8!
So when I complain about my presents from her and ask if she's trying to kill me its justified

Storm I feel the same about my parents who died too young, but it’s the people I miss. In fact they used to bung me a cheque and write it (and the card) in front of me on Xmas day, so they weren’t the best gift givers!

It shouldn’t be about stuff, it should be about family and friends

@39PineappleDanish I hope you're not my daughter-in-law or son-in-law!

I always give a monetary gift by bank transfer for Christmas and birthdays. I don't want to waste money on something they neither want nor need. When they want something, they buy it for themselves. Anything that I would buy them, however nice it is, would be unwanted and therefore "junk". I'm not into buying junk. I'd rather give a few hundred pounds that they can spend on whatever they want. It doesn't matter to me if they spend it on groceries in the supermarket or buy themselves a new bottle of perfume or put it into their savings account. What matters to me is that it isn't wasted on something that they don't want.

I’m in the ‘best gift of all is an agreement not to exchange gifts’ camp. Even with good will and effort, a lot of presents will be unwanted or ‘near misses’. You get the stress of trying to work out what other people would like and you’ll never know if they do like it or are just being polite. And then you have to be polite in turn about their present which isn’t something you really wanted. You could spend less money on yourself, get something you actually want/need and have some left over to give to a good cause.

Yeah I agree OP, I found it a bit weird that four adult females were whinging about presents. I always got crap for Christmas growing up, it’s half the fun, laughing at the crap gifts. it’s not about the gifts really ... it’s about the celebration and family time. I find it a bit cringing when a grown woman is despairing over having a teapot for Christmas.... And how evil and thoughtless her spouse is for ‘not knowing’ the perfect gift just makes me think some children won’t get anything at all for Christmas have some perspective please.... isn’t it a bit materialistic to ruin a Christmas over a gift?

it’s half the fun, laughing at the crap gifts. it’s not about the gifts really ... it’s about the celebration and family time.

Yes it’s really fun and laugh worthy when you spend £160 on presents for your DH that he lives and gets you nothing in return. Hilarious.

I posted on the 'rubbish gift' threads.

My XP bought me a book that I'd already read. I had discussed the reading of said book with him, at some length. I'd mentioned the problems that I'd had with it. I'd told him that I would have liked the book to have gone into more depth on some matters. It's by an author that he also likes.

He forgot the entire conversation ever took place and bought me the book. That I already had.

Symptomatic of our entire relationship. He never fucking took on board a word I said. He could have bought me practically anything else and I would have been grateful. I smiled and said 'how lovely' and waited for him to ask if I hadn't already read it, it being by an author we both like and having been out for years....

It all comes down to expectations. I don't expect anything, so anything I get I am thankful for. I got some that I will never use due to an allergy, that the people know about, but so what, they forgot, it happens.

A good Xmas for me is one where there is no conflict. Bliss!

I actually like when people do bank transfers for gifts.

An Aunt of mine still does it for me and my sisters, and her suggestion a couple of years ago was that we used the money to order in pizza, have a few drinks and spend the night as a family. So we've done that ever since (the plan for tonight actually haha). I agree with some PPs that it's more about the family time. If you don't like a gift it's ok because it's not all about the gifts imo.

@90schic

I completely agree with this as someone who believes Christmas is about family, friends, kindness etc rather than just materialistic things.

Far many children don't get anything and don't have much in the way of family either (think children in care for an example). There was a campaign in my area before Christmas which was designed to raise money and buy small gifts for these disadvantaged children. It would seem that many of the adults on here would see the gifts that people bought for the campaign as a bit rubbish (I had a volunteer role in the campaign wrapping presents last year).

I don't know it just seems odd to complain about it.

For context to my post above, I live in an area where 1 in 2 children live in poverty.

You’re not being entirely unreasonable. There are some posts along the lines of ‘I know he spent £400 on me, but it wasn’t the exact Pandora bracelet/Michael Kors bag I wanted - it’s Christmas and I just wanted to feel special ’ that make me want to say ‘Bloody hell, get a grip and learn some gratitude’. However, the majority of the posts I’ve seen have been about genuine thoughtlessness, or have otherwise been jokey and a much healthier alternative to expressing this disappointment in real life.

Being thoughtful doesn’t have to mean spending a lot. For example, my mother buys everyone in the family a box of Lindor truffles every Christmas. She could easily just click on the standard milk variety in an online shop and change the quantity (and we’d all be perfectly happy). However, she sought out a limited edition box she knew I’d really like, and got my dad a flavour no one else in the family likes - meaning it felt like they were specifically for us and wouldn’t just get thrown in the big bowl of chocolates we all pick from while watching the telly. That kind of little touch is all most people want.