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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Twins Christmas Present

24 replies

doodlejump1980 · 27/12/2019 22:38

Posted on a local twin group, a friend has 3 kids. DD6 and DTS4. The twins only got joint presents for Christmas from family! Their DD got Christmas presents too. How out of order Is that? They might be identical twins but they are 2 separate little humans and should be treated individually and not as a single entity. Feel so sorry for their little ones. (And before anyone says, there are no money issues from the relatives giving the presents.) As a twin Mum myself I just find it so sad!

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 27/12/2019 22:41

Do you mean stuff like two identical toys or one game for both to play with?

CokeAndCrispsAndDip · 27/12/2019 22:41

That's appalling. Really thoughtless. I feel for them as someone who's birthday is on Christmas Day and has many times had 1 gift for both. To me its lazy and cheap.

MorganKitten · 27/12/2019 22:42

My best friend is a twin, in her 30s still loves dressing the same as her twin, and they didn’t mind joint gifts then or now.

NearlyGranny · 27/12/2019 22:44

Good grief! The only acceptable joint present for twins would be something like a climbing frame or paddling pool, I think. Even birthday cards should not be joint.

It's on a par with giving the Christmas birthday child one present for both, or pretending the slippers are one for Christmas, one for birthday.

We had three (all grown up now) and those were the issues!

Original poster

doodlejump1980 · 27/12/2019 22:46

The general advice on our group was to turn it around, so when their cousins birthdays come up to only give one gift to cover both birthdays and see how they like it!
Yes, @PurpleDaisies one toy to share.

OP posts:

Danni12 · 27/12/2019 22:46

That's just not ok

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 27/12/2019 22:49

Think it depends what they are tbh.

A games console with 2 handsets, maybe - a boardgame they could play together - okay.

A single doll between two, no.

My twins "cunningly" stole each other's presents and ran away with them!

Dutchesss · 27/12/2019 22:51

That's crap. I'd have to tell the givers outright that it's crap and if it continued I'd make a point of getting an extra gift each time for one of the missed out children and tell the givers what I was doing.
There's no point taking it out on other children, that's just as mean.

bettybattenburg · 27/12/2019 22:52

That's not on. We have twins in the family, when they were little we would get them a gift each but it would be something for two people to play together.

YouTheCat · 27/12/2019 22:55

As a mother of twins (25 years old today) I would have been mightily pissed off with that being as I always made sure all the kids in the family had individual presents and that the ones with Christmas birthdays (many of them) had separate birthday presents too.

ViaSacra · 27/12/2019 22:56

I think in some circumstances giving a joint present for two kids is acceptable. If it’s something that they’ll both use but a family only needs one of like a video game. Buying a joint present also allows you to get something more expensive.

We have some family friends with a daughter and two sons - the sons aren’t twins but are very close in age but there’s a five year gap between them and their sister.

On occasion, at Christmas I have bought an expensive video game that I know both the boys will both love - for them to share.

I would get their sister a separate present, that costs about half the price of the game.

ViaSacra · 27/12/2019 22:58

My own two girls - two years apart in age - often received joint presents growing up, typically a board game, or something else they can play together.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/12/2019 22:58

I wouldn’t do it but plenty of people buy joint Christmas presents for siblings.

ViaSacra · 27/12/2019 22:58

(And I never took offence at that)

TheCanyon · 27/12/2019 23:04

I don't quite get your point. Shock horror, twins get a joint present? My twins b/g got joint presents, and some presents exactly the same and some separate. My two so tend to like the same thing so I could see us buying joint or two of the same

Pixxie7 · 27/12/2019 23:07

Your right they should be treated separately but agree depends on the gift.

Original poster

doodlejump1980 · 27/12/2019 23:09

@TheCanyon it’s the seeing them as one and not as two separate people. See-saw = good joint present. Single jumper and outfit... not so good

OP posts:

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 27/12/2019 23:10

That's not ok for me either. They should be getting one present each not one to share or all children get a joint present.

ActualHornist · 27/12/2019 23:16

It’s ok if it’s actually a sharing toy though?

I have twins, they’re nearly 11. They have been bought shared stuff before - especially at 4 when there’s so many great games they can play.

Sure I’d be miffed if it was all toys but as you’re not actually saying whether or not the children were bothered or even what the toys were I guess we just have to take your word for it.

NorthernLightsInWinter · 27/12/2019 23:16

It does depend on the gift. But if the other sibling go their own present, then the twins will start to notice that and someone should point out how it's actually not very nice for them to not be treated as individuals, too.

BackforGood · 27/12/2019 23:17

I agree with @JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff and @ViaSacra - it does depend, to some extent what the gift is.

One doll or one bike between them is no good, but being able to then get a whole brio trainset with trains, track, bridges and everything, between two people, is fine. Same with board games through to climbing frames.

My dc (who aren't twins) have had joint presents sometimes over the years. Not because they aren't individual people, but because they could both use the 'thing' together, and it was more expensive than we'd spend on one, or was something there was only room for one of in the house / garden, etc.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/12/2019 23:28

Of course it depends on the present amd their likes. If they both want a kitchen for example surely one kitchen from one person, food from another and so on makes sense rather than doubles or extra presents that wont get played with.

DeRigueurMortis · 27/12/2019 23:31

I think it depends on the present and the intention....

My birthday is just before Christmas and I had (still have) family buying joint presents...for some it was clearly a ploy to save money (whilst still expecting me/my parents to buy Birthday/Xmas present for their children). Basically being CF's.

However for others it was because they knew I would like/wanted something "bigger" than a reasonable budget for just one occasion. This was lovely, thoughtful and usually discussed in advance.

So I think the situation is similar. If buying a single present is a way to avoid buying two it's shit - they are twins but still individuals.

However if it's a way to buy something they can both enjoy simultaneously that would be out of budget for a single present then I think the intention is obviously good.

Yesterdayallmyfish · 27/12/2019 23:33

If I gave a present to a child or to twin children and their parent was engaged by my gift I would explain how they could shove the gift up their rude hole.

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