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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is work colleague/friend loop the bloody loop

45 replies

Loopdaloops · 27/12/2019 18:56

I’m single. For two years.

She’s in a (bad) relationship and 3 months pregnant.

She fancies a colleague at work. Nobody else knows except me. She’s fancied him for a while. But again, she is IN a relationship and pregnant.

The man she fancies has asked me out and I accepted. I told her straight away thinking she’d be a bit “oh you lucky cow” about the whole thing.

Nope. She’s bloody furious. Now only talking to me in clipped tones. We were relatively good friends at work.

To me this just seems nuts. Have I broken some sister code here?! Or is she loopy (hormones fair enough)!

OP posts:
Vanhi · 27/12/2019 19:45

Cut her some slack, she's in a bad place.

This, really. She probably feels trapped in a shitty relationship and worried for the future. Her crush may well have been her escape fantasy. Now you're living her fantasy. So maybe she's being childish and a bit daft but I would make allowances for her situation.

mintyroller · 27/12/2019 19:53

I was channeling Shirley

Thought so! Well if he offers to take you out on his brother's boat tread carefully, next he'll be saying he won't try to make fuck with you in a dreadful accent.

YouretheChristmasCarcass · 27/12/2019 20:02

If she was single I'd say there was a 'sister code' broken. I wouldn't date someone a friend fancied without talking to them about it first. But she is NOT available. Her relationship may be 'bad' but it's still a relationship until she leaves it.

I'd let her just get on with sounding shirty. She'll either get over it or she won't. But you can't 'bagsy' someone on the off chances that you may decide to break up with someone at some point in the future.

ButtercupGirI · 27/12/2019 20:03

She probably knows she is being unreasonable to get upset, I think she is jealous and in a bad place. Try not to rub it in to make her feel worst...

Loveislandaddict · 27/12/2019 20:10

Maybe when she said she fancied him, you could have mentioned that you did to. Then it wouldn’t have been so much of a shock to her. Maybe she considered him to be her escape route from her unhappy marriage.

zasknbg · 27/12/2019 20:19

You should have said, oh I didn't realise you wanted TWO blokes!

AugustFalls · 27/12/2019 20:23

Did you actually tell her you fancied him too at the time?

Lifeisabeach09 · 27/12/2019 20:27

Your friend is an entitled nut!

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 27/12/2019 20:28

I think YAB a bit U for referring to her as a loop the bloody loop. She's obviously jealous, in a bad place and in a bad relationship. You are not in the wrong in any other way, but try to cut her a little bit of slack. x

Grumpelstilskin · 27/12/2019 20:28

Mmmmh, she sounds bonkers. I'd dry-hump that dude in front of her if she continued to behave like this. Might as well be hung for a sheep and all that jazz Grin

Mummyshark2018 · 27/12/2019 20:30

As long as you're doing it because you actually like him yanbu.

SarahNade · 27/12/2019 20:30

Tbh I think you've been pretty insensitive, rubbing it in her face like that. She really likes him (I cannot stand the term 'fancy') and you knew that, so it was rather insensitive of you to just....laugh and be happy with you. Especially if she's had the hots for him for awhile. Even though she is in a relationship, and pregnant (add in pregnancy hormones), she is not happy and clearly wants to be with the colleague. While you technically didn't do anything wrong, you really didn't put any thought into how you'd break it to her. You were delusional to think she'd be all happy and making jokes.

It sounds like she likes him far more than you actually even realised, and you've really hurt her.

SarahNade · 27/12/2019 20:32

*of you to just.... expect her to laugh and be happy with you

UnaCorda · 27/12/2019 20:37

It would have been polite to talk to her once you'd accepted but nah you're fine.

From the OP: The man she fancies has asked me out and I accepted. I told her straight away... Hmm

TheBigFatMermaid · 27/12/2019 20:43

You're protecting her from herself!

paranoidmum2 · 27/12/2019 20:54

I'd dry-hump that dude in front of her if she continued to behave like this. Might as well be hung for a sheep and all that jazz

I read the last word with an i not a Blush

AloneLonelyLoner · 27/12/2019 22:53

@paranoidmum2 HAHAHAHAHAHA Me too!

She's a total butter. Enjoy your hot date and all
The jizz you can get! Send her pics!

AloneLonelyLoner · 27/12/2019 22:54

Nutter!! Sweet mercy!

Leflic · 28/12/2019 07:19

She's been open to you about fancying him, but you've not said you were interested in him yourself?

I suspect she might feel aggrieved at your deceit, and perhaps vulnerable that you know she fancies him, you might talk to him about it & laugh at her. And you've taken away her fantasy.

It’s feelings. People are entitled to them She hasn’t acted on any, so she’s done nothing wrong.
You should have had a word first.

Talkingmouse · 28/12/2019 07:26

Just smile and keep talking to her about her exciting pregnancy and bf..

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