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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is DP? RE hangovers!!

16 replies

FoxysFolkFace · 27/12/2019 18:49

Long time lurker first time poster..

My DP went to watch his favourite football team play yesterday with his brothers & friends while I stayed at my DF with our DD1 3 & DD2 5mths to have a little Christmas.
I had a rough night with the girls, DD1 was really unsettled (she has night terrors and has never been a good sleeper) she was up every hour or so until I left her in bed with me at 3.30am. DD2 Is usually a good sleeper but decided 2am was play time last night. I had to be up and out at 7.30am this morning with DD2 for her last vaccinations.
DP decided it was appropriate to go our at 1pn and stay out until 3am.. I told him I was shattered because I'd had a rough night with the girls etc..
He has spent the entire day asleep on the sofa while I have cooked/cleaned/laundry etc.
I have said to him I would never leave him to do everything even if I was hanging out my arse, you just can't do that when you have young kids. He's now got a face on with me for being annoyed at him (this is a massive bug bear of mine.. just say "yes you're right sorry I've been a useless twat I'll make it up tomorrow!)

For background to avoid drip feeding .. he goes out locally a couple of times a month, and is usually home for 11-12pm ish. He doesn't usually have a big bender like this.

My AIBU... Am I wrong to be pissed off with him for doing nothing all day when he doesn't usually go out like this?
Or
Am I right to be pissed off and he should have had some self control when he went out early doors. Or at least held it together today after I had told him that I didn't get much sleep because of a rough night with the girls and would have liked a break?

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 27/12/2019 18:50

YANBU.

bloodywhitecat · 27/12/2019 18:52

He can go out and get as drunk as he likes but it is not a Get Out of Parenting card so he still gets to pull his weight the next day.

puds11 · 27/12/2019 18:53

I don’t expect people to be useful the day after theyve been drinking. Plus it’s Christmas. As it’s not regular then no I wouldn’t be annoyed.

puds11 · 27/12/2019 18:54

I wouldn’t want a really hungover person looking after my children.

MorganKitten · 27/12/2019 19:14

He goes out once a month and it’s the Xmas holidays, I’d let it pass.

YouTheCat · 27/12/2019 19:36

He goes out twice a month and you have young children that wake a lot in the night. When do you get your chance to sleep all day and do what you want?

He sounds like a selfish twat.

Selfsettling3 · 27/12/2019 19:38

I have children the same age. No way would DH try and pull that shit.

Selfsettling3 · 27/12/2019 19:39

And apart from the awful 5 days when he had to go away for work he is responsible for the 3 year old over night.

Lollypop701 · 27/12/2019 19:43

I have no issue with an occasional hungover dad lying on couch... but then he would do the same. Tbh it depends on your relationship

millymoo1202 · 27/12/2019 19:45

When do you get to go out and do sod all the next day? Oh, silly me you are a Mum and that doesn’t happen! 😂

Originalusernameunavailable · 27/12/2019 19:52

Why didn’t you just leave the chores and take to the sofa with him?

Original poster
FoxysFolkFace · 27/12/2019 19:59

Since having DD2 I find it hard to do nothing all day. This isn't me being a martyr I was really very good at lazy days pre children! We have been a way at family over Christmas so there was LOADS of washing to do etc.. and of course we did need feeding today so that's why I didn't just lay on the sofa.
The vote is pretty mixed, I think I'll just leave it tonight. See what tomorrow brings, he's just suggested going for a nice walk with the kids and DDog tomorrow (it's usually me that's suggests this) so I think he knows I'm not happy. hopefully tomorrow he will pull his share of the weight.
The PP that say it's not a regular thing & it's Christmas etc..you're right it's just frustrating when I know I wouldn't leave him to do everything if I knew he had a shit night.
I don't go out drinking very often, DD2 was a little prem and wasn't well when she was a couple of weeks old so I'm quite clingy with her (this is all me I know, she's absolutely fine and healthy now!)

OP posts:
damnthatanxiety · 27/12/2019 20:14

puds11 I don't expect people to be useful when they had a crap night sleep and were up all night with 2 DC. But hey, someone has to be a parent. Why do you feel alcohol is a valid excuse for slacking but lack of sleep isn't. If the OP hadn't sucked it up, the DC would have missed vaccinations and marauded about like feral DC for the day.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 27/12/2019 20:26

It's different if it's a one off and he generally pulls his weight I'd try and let it go (mainly because I'm out rarely but get terrible hangovers). However I'd be more annoyed by his attitude. My husband was hungover after his Christmas party (it's almost a tear since he was last hungover so very rare) and disappeared back to bed. But he was very apologetic, said he hadn't realised how much hed drank and was very sorry as he knew it hadn't been easy as one of the kids was ill. He took himself off to bed, had a proper sleep and then took over in the middle of the afternoon when he felt better and said he would entertain both kids while I had a rest. I was still a bit pissed off as I was really knackered but in hindsight, I've probably done worse

Marmitepasta · 27/12/2019 20:34

Having been annoyed by this before, this is now the kind of thing dp and I will discuss beforehand. So for example on one of the rare occasions he is going out, we will agree that he can stay in bed til midday but will then be hands on for the rest on the day. Stops me feeling resentful as pre agreed and I know from when I can count on him.

McCanne · 27/12/2019 20:40

YANBU. I would be furious. It’s ok to be annoyed.

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