Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I end the friendship

17 replies

Glitterbug76 · 27/12/2019 18:07

I really don’t know what to do and it’s making me so upset I would love your help. A close friend in our friendship group had an affair that lasted a year with some one that she was very close with. The affair ended , we all vowed not to say anything as their was a child involved. I did confront them both and her lover said he hoped the marriage would end and they would be together. Any eat fast forward a few years later we went away with the girls and low and behold she ends up sleeping with a stranger. I did tell a few people in our friendship group this but every one just turned a blind eye. Our relationship is now very false and strained , all my friends outside of this group think I should just walk away and not speak to her. What’s bought this to a head Is that my sister in law become estranged from us and become very unwell , I found out that she new this but never told us knowing that we were worried sick. I just don’t know how she can be so blasé about everything, she’s so sure that everybody is so scared to tell her husband that she’s totally arrogant about it I don’t know what to do. We have gotalot of mutual friends some know some don’t. I have started not going to things now when she’s there.

OP posts:
ShinyMe · 27/12/2019 18:12

So you promised not to say anything about her affair, but did anyway? And then you told a load of people about something else she did? And you're angry with her because she didn't tell you a secret about someone she was friends with but you aren't in contact with? Have I got that right?

Jupiters · 27/12/2019 18:20

@ShinyMe post sums up all my questions here!

You're not obligated to be friends with anyone. It doesn't seem like you like her much, so no need to carry on this friendship.

IckyIsAFuckingStupidWord · 27/12/2019 18:21

That’s really confusing.

TheHootiestChristmasOwl · 27/12/2019 18:24

I’m confused. What’s your SIL got to do with it?

Glitterbug76 · 27/12/2019 18:29

Sorry no ! I am dyslexic so when I’m upset it comes out A bit mixed up !
No we were on a night out with 15 of my girl friends some of who were also her friends some not she got drunk and told Us about the affair.
One of our mutual friends told her friends who was also a friend they went round her house an she said that she would deny the affair if it got out.
It wasn’t a secret my sister in law went missing we were all beside our self , she is a vulnerable adult an she new where she was but never told us.

OP posts:
GrannyBags · 27/12/2019 18:33

So you are basically saying that you don’t like the way this person chooses to live their life - so don’t spend time with her. I’m not sure what you mean by ‘end the friendship’? How would you achieve this apart from just not seeing her any more?

Glitterbug76 · 27/12/2019 18:35

The first affair was with her ex best friends ex husband. They had spit up and she and her hubby still saw him he came round their house ect.

OP posts:
Kitchendiscodiva · 27/12/2019 18:41

This makes no sense !

Kitchendiscodiva · 27/12/2019 18:42

Sorry, just seen post re dyslexia.

Glitterbug76 · 27/12/2019 18:44

I think it’s because we have so many mutual friends, and i love her husband and daughter. Before her and her hubby were married she also cheated on him many times. Just an example my friend who is not really her friend shared a room with her told that she walked in on her having sex with another man , I rang her and said that I can’t believe she’s doing it again. I was so annoyed we ended up having an argument and I put the phone down. Her husband walked in and must of heard it and he went round telling everybody I was horrible for putting the phone down ! He obviously didn’t know I was trying to defend him !
Another one of her friends at the time it all came out couldn’t bring her self to invite her to a dinner party for a special birthday her hubby found out and said her friends had left her out ! Every one always looks the bad guy x

OP posts:
Kitchendiscodiva · 27/12/2019 18:44

I think you should cut ties. All sounds quite bonkers.

puds11 · 27/12/2019 18:46

I’m confused as to how the sister in law fits in here.

Stop being friends if you don’t like how she behaves.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 27/12/2019 18:49

She regularly cheats on her husband (with whom she has a child) and expects no-one to tell him. When your vulnerable sister in law went missing, this 'friend' knew where she was but didn't tell you.

I'd give this 'friend' a wide berth, she doesn't seem very nice!

CareBear50 · 27/12/2019 18:49

Sorry OP I know you have dyslexia which makes things trickier, but I don't fully understand the post.

Based on what I've read.. if you don't like your friend or her behaviour you should spend less time with her.

bubblesforlife · 27/12/2019 18:52

Phase her out if you don’t agree with how she lives her life (fair I think it’s disgusting too), so there is no need to be her friend.
Having aligned values is a big part of a friendship. Yours don’t align.
Stand back and let some else (if she can find anyone) to keep her dirty secrets.

Glitterbug76 · 27/12/2019 18:54

I am sorry for the rambling guys, I just feel that I probably should have walked away a long time ago when I first new even before she got married when she was cheating on him. I suppose that I hoped when she got married she would change. I think for me it’s what her husband will think of the reasons why we don’t speak if it was to end the friend ship. I just wandered if any one else has experience of knowing some one who cheats and what they do ?

OP posts:
Glitterbug76 · 27/12/2019 19:07

I think it just annoys me as now because of the friendship group the things that are being organised I’m just not attending now. But what you’ve just said bubbles has actually really made me tear up ! You’ve got it so spot on my values are different from there’s and I need move on now x

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page