Control, control, control.
Abusive men don't see women as being on a level with them. They see (all) women (but especially "their" woman) as being a kind of "step" lower on the hierarchy, much as children are below their parents/teachers, employees are below their employer, dogs/horses are below their owners. And in fact I think the dog comparison is an easy one to understand.
Imagine you have a dog. (Maybe you do). You probably treat the dog nicely, it has a warm comfortable bed, enough food, even gets treated a bit at Christmas, lots of fuss and cuddles, you take it for walks. You would never hurt the dog or shut it outside in the cold. You feel angry when you read about people who mistreat their dogs - you would never do that. You are a good dog owner. You love and adore your dog - you would do anything for it.
But at the same time, you know that it's a dog. You buy its food in a can (and it is trained not to touch your food), you leave it at home alone when you go out, you don't expect it to participate in an intellectual conversation, and it is expected to be obedient, come when it's called and go to the toilet where you specify, not where it likes. This is all perfectly reasonable and fair because it is a dog, not a person.
Abusive men feel fairly similar about their wives/girlfriends. I'm not saying that they consider them to be as low down in the hierarchy as animals, they tend to put "woman" somewhere between "man" and "child" IME, but it's a quick way to get your head into that mindset. So for example, the abusive man most likely believes himself to be a good husband. He's not like those other husbands that really mistreat their wives. But a little e.g. (porn, drug use, gambling) that she doesn't know about won't hurt her. She isn't really welcome on those boys' nights out because it's not like she would be able to understand our humour anyway. You humour her waffling on about the housework but it isn't really important. And occasionally, well, if she's out of line it's not unreasonable to let her know about it.
Now, think about a situation with your kids that really winds you up - for me it's when we need to hurry up and leave the house but they are moving like treacle and/or fighting every instruction, or it could be when they are really pushing a safety issue and scare you. Or it could be a lippy teen/preteen who thinks they are the world's authority on whichever issue. I'm sure everyone has those trigger moments. You know, the things which just make you boil over and shout, or threaten something you wouldn't normally, or get the urge to hit them (even if you wouldn't actually do it). And then later you calm down and you feel sort of guilty but you also know that they were being out of line and on some level they deserved it. Also, even if you think you could have handled the situation better, you still recognise that you needed to make them stop whatever it is they were doing - that IS your responsibility and it comes down to you. Imagine how you might react if, after/during your meltdown towards the DC about their behaviour, instead of actually going "Oh shit mum means it" they looked you in the eye, ramped it up a gear, and got worse?
Pull those together and that's what an abuser is thinking/feeling when they engage in abusive behaviour - threats, verbal abuse, name calling, control, whatever it is. They believe they are a higher authority to their partners and that their partners ought to abide by their rules. On some level, they believe that it's their responsibility to keep her in line. There will be countless tiny everyday occurances inside the relationship where she makes some "infraction" and he subtly nudges her towards the "right" thing (in his mind). For example, she might spend time chatting with her mother - and he will be quick to check up that she isn't "discussing our private matters" ie that she is not reporting on him. She probably won't notice that this is a tool of control, just think he is insecure. A lot of control comes across as insecurity, and a lot of abuse victims are chosen because of empathy that makes them sensitive to and mindful of this kind of thing. So she will end up changing her behaviour to accomodate his preferences. But occasionally he will decide she has gone too far and you get that moment where he is the angry "parent" who explodes. She doesn't usually see herself in a subservient role, so doesn't react in the expected way leading to more explosion/threat/force being used until she submits purely from fear or exhaustion with the situation. The abuser then believes he was correct to do that and is pleased that it worked, even if he feels guilty about the outburst and starts the grovelling apology cycle.