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AIBU?

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Original poster

Help DD with her future please!

151 replies

archivesofrome · 27/12/2019 13:14

DD is in Y11 and has to give in her preferences for A Levels over Xmas online. The deadline is Jan 1st for her school and she has had countless talks at school and support but she still has little knowledge of what she would like to do and what would facilitate her future etc.

She is toying with these subjects but will have to narrow them down to three.
-History
-Geography
-Spanish
-English Literature
-Drama
-Biology

Biology is the odd one out in a sea of humanities/arts Grin

She also isn’t sure what she would like to do after University and thinks something to do with languages (she also does French but not as keen) might be good at University but she wouldn’t want to just do languages and isn't sure that she would be academically inclined enough to do something to challenging at University.

DH and I are little help as DH is in Politics but had a very maths/IT based career beforehand, which she isn’t interested in and I’m in the art world, but again she doesn’t enjoy art.

Honestly we are desperately running out of time and I can’t believe we have let her ignore the deadline for so long but have dealt with a very traumatic bereavement on DH’s side before the Xmas holidays so this was understandably not at the front of our minds.

Do you need to see her predicted GCSE grades/mock grades to help? I wasn’t sure.

This just feels terrible and poor DD is so overwhelmed.

OP posts:
Thethiniceofanewday · 27/12/2019 13:48

Hope she finds it helpful Smile

Devereux1 · 27/12/2019 13:48

Honestly we are desperately running out of time and I can’t believe we have let her ignore the deadline for so long but have dealt with a very traumatic bereavement on DH’s side before the Xmas holidays so this was understandably not at the front of our minds.

I'm sorry for the bereavement but... this is your daughter's choice and responsibility.

I chose my own A level subjects and my parents found out about it when I told them. As did all my friends. We attended the odd talk here and there and did our research. That's what students are supposed to do.

Your daughter choosing to ignore the deadline is very foolish on her part. For someone with high aspirations this doesn't strike me as very aspirational, sensible or responsible.

Pinkbonbon · 27/12/2019 13:49

Yeah I guess she'd feel a bit left out if everyone else went to uni first. Not that they'd be at her uni anyway. Has she maybe spoken to her uni preferences about their requirements for any courses she likes? Probably the fastest way to find out what she should take.

I'm just remembering vetting used to require physics and biology (?) if I remember right so yeah I guess sometimes it matters.

But maybe just sitting down with her and telling her that it's all good, she'll be fine ect and that it might seem like a huge deal now but she has her whole life ahead of her and it'll all work out in time, is the best course of action. I think you stressing out too won't help things.

Original poster
archivesofrome · 27/12/2019 13:51

@Devereux1

Meh. DD had this shortlist by December and was planning on narrowing it down through more research but then when a family member dies with little notice and DD is distraught, she forgets about her A Levels and GCSES for just a minute.

OP posts:
totallyradllama · 27/12/2019 13:52

Maybe ask her to think about what type of academic work & skills she enjoys rather than just the subject matter.
and find out what the subjects are like at A level: eg if she picks English French and Spanish will that be a lot of reading literature and essay writing? And does she enjoy that?

Berthatydfil · 27/12/2019 13:54

if she’s not sure what she wants to do then any a levels will do. Obviously if she wants to to drama or languages she will need those subjects.

Can she research the syllabus for those subjects and the exam /assessment structures plus what strands are taught in the school.
My dd loved RS at gcse but when she looked into A level she found it very different, history was also different areas than she had studied at a level and also with English you have the choices of books, poets and plays. Also the choice of teacher will have an effect.
It’s better to study a subject/ areas you like/ enjoy with a teacher you like.

Peccary · 27/12/2019 13:56

Most RG unis for biological sciences require a second science. I'd advise to keep a language so she would have the option to do a combined degree with a year abroad.

Thethiniceofanewday · 27/12/2019 13:56

Good point from llama - some subjects change a lot from GCSE to A-level.

I also agree very much with pink that a bit of reassurance that (within reason!) whatever she chooses things will work out fine. Does DH maybe need to give a bit of reassurance that he wants her to follow her own path and not feel obliged to follow her step-sibs?

Devereux1 · 27/12/2019 13:57

This reply has been deleted

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Thethiniceofanewday · 27/12/2019 13:58

“Any a levels will do”

No, they really won’t. Not for selective unis.

jenthehen · 27/12/2019 13:59

My husband and I both did geography degrees. He now works in IT (very well paid) and I teach in a primary school. Scraping a French A level has helped me get all of my teaching jobs. Hope that helps a little.

MrsMozartMkII · 27/12/2019 14:00

I understand that Biology is quite a tough one, so she'd need a love of it as well as an aptitude to help her through.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 27/12/2019 14:03

If she too is very upset by your family bereavement can't the school exceptionally let her have some more time to decide.

Decisions made under trauma are rarely good ones... Or if they are, it's just coincidental.

Re your questions... I would choose which she enjoys/is good at /give her the best range of future degrees. Also the most academic subjects...

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 27/12/2019 14:06

@deneraux1....
Im glad I'm not your kid.... Are you always this kind to people who are bereaved??!

MaryBerrysBomberJacket · 27/12/2019 14:07

Can recommend she seriously thinks about the Biology before choosing it. I teach A level Biology and those students who don't do Chemistry or Maths (or are naturally very talented at maths) struggle immensely, more so with the newer linear A Levels. The A level includes statistical tests that some students have difficulty with and this year any of my non-chemists have had real issues with biochemistry modules.

AliMonkey · 27/12/2019 14:07

Given she thinks she might want to do something with languages then definitely Spanish. Then at least one of History or Geography as they are both subjects that provide you with transferable skills (eg research, analysis, problem-solving, essay writing). If Geography then Biology might work as there's some common ground, but otherwise suggest doing both History or Geography or maybe one of them and English Lit (though I'm told English Lit A level is quite intense so you need to really love that sort of thing). But definitely need to take into account how good she is at each subject - really need to be getting a 6 or higher in the A level subjects and preferably 7-9.

Thesuzle · 27/12/2019 14:08

Keep the geography and do some sort of geography degree, its a fantastical broad subject.

boomboom1234 · 27/12/2019 14:08

My advice is to always do the things that come easily and naturally to you as you want to work to your strengths not set yourself up for a hard life!

Original poster
archivesofrome · 27/12/2019 14:08

@Devereux1
It is most definitely not an excuse. But even if it was, what do you expect me to do about that? Right; she’s left it to the last minute. That is why I’m trying to help her to minimise the damage? I don’t see the issue.

@Thethiniceofanewday DH needs to help to reassure her definitely. Her sister and brother are both wonderful and DSD especially has been sending us all links to websites, asking friends who were in similar positions to DD what they did etc. So I see why DD wants to be like them but DH and I really do need to reiterate to her that she has her own path to follow.

OP posts:
Ifixbrokenthings · 27/12/2019 14:14

Spanish, geography and biology if she has no genuine idea.
Reasons :
Spanish... Some universities require a foreign language entry. Either way, if she likes languages, she is as well off to have one. It also counts as a humanities subject.
Biology : if she chooses something science, then she has a solid science subject behind her.
Geography : the secret weapon. It's a science /social science/economics subject. I didn't take it at A level but I read it in University and its just such a flexible subject.
Obviously it's up to your DD what she takes, but I think these cover a few bases.

Original poster
archivesofrome · 27/12/2019 14:15

@AliMonkey
Yeah I agree 100%. In Geog and Bio she got 9s in her mocks. She also got one in French but really dislikes it for some reason Grin

I think this is partially why she wants to
do biology as like you said, it complements geog quite well, which she loves. Although she may struggle with the maths as PP have noted- she got a 6 in maths and is happy with it but has no desire to take it to A level.

She does really, really love English lit but got a 6+ in her mocks and her teachers told us with a lot of work she could do it as they can tell she has the passion for it but her HoY said it would be a waste when other subjects come more naturally to DD.

OP posts:
Original poster
archivesofrome · 27/12/2019 14:16

@Ifixbrokenthings
Yeah I’m pretty sure she’s probably going
to lean towards Geography as she seems to have a real aptitude for it and throughly enjoys it. It’s just tricky as she feels the same about History and worries that they’re too similar to take both.

OP posts:
Devereux1 · 27/12/2019 14:18

@Devereux1
It is most definitely not an excuse. But even if it was, what do you expect me to do about that? Right; she’s left it to the last minute. That is why I’m trying to help her to minimise the damage? I don’t see the issue.

She's in this predicament because she knows you'll swoop in and rescue her. I'd bet you do this a lot for her. And look what you're doing. She sits back and lets you sort out of her life. It's no way to behave.

She has the deadline. Tell her to step up, act her age, and sort herself out. Problem solved.

snowball28 · 27/12/2019 14:19

History, geography and Spanish for me.

Ifixbrokenthings · 27/12/2019 14:20

I'm very sorry to hear about your traumatic bereavement.
Its not too late to think about subjects. Your daughter will do just fine, and even if she doesn't like what she reads at undergraduate level, or she likes it but wants to change tack to something more employable or in another field, that's what postgraduate studies are for! As long as she is happy that's it.