to wonder if I can stop these panic attacks or if they’ll just go away on their own?

[ACupOfTeaSolvesEverything]

I’ve been having panic attacks every night in bed for about the last month, it’s horrible. I try to breath calmly and focus on what I can hear/see etc to be mindful and calm myself down but every night it happens and I’m wiped out afterwards. Is there something I can do in the day to help stop these happening? Do I just muscle through it and they’ll stop eventually?

For context and to not drip feed.

1. My mum died 4 months ago after a long illness and my panic each night centres around dying early and leaving my son.
2. I’m about 4 stone overweight which feeds in to my panic. The official NHS verdict is that my cortisol is high due to chronic stress and sleep deprivation and this has caused me to gain/retain weight. I was advised to get better sleep and relax then discharged.
3. DS has slight SEN and started taking melatonin a few months ago, until then I’d had 8 years of shocking sleep.
4. DH and I have had a rocky year due to his mental health issues, he is now medicated for this and his talking therapy starts in January. Things are much better.

I don’t smoke, rarely drink alcohol, eat my 5 a day, don’t have a sweet tooth and only have one caffeinated drink a day (morning coffee) yet am full on can’t breathe panicking every night about dying too young.

AIBU to think there’s something else I can do to stop these panic attacks?

Didn’t mean to enable voting. Stupid phone.

How do you feel about medication?
There's a beta blocker called propranolol which can be good for the physical symptoms of anxiety. And there are also traditional ssri antidepressants that work well too.

After giving birth I had a panic attack at the same time every night, I used propranolol for a few months just at the onset of an attack.

Speak to your GP about the options if you're not opposed to medication.

Feel better soon

I don’t think I need anti-depressants, I had depression many years ago and don’t feel anything like I did then. Apart from missing my mum, obviously, I’m feeling quite positive most of the time, things are looking up on several levels and I’m the kind of person who is generally content with the simple pleasures in life, playing with my son, walking the dogs on the beach etc. It’s this nightly panic that’s the problem

Oh you poor thing. I'd imagine it's become a self-fulfilling prophecy now too, where you're outing in bed waiting and expecting the panic to start?

What about meditation audios?

Sorry, voted yanbu then saw you didn't want voting! Anyway, you're not unreasonable. I use an app called calm but there are lots of others I think to help you get control of your thoughts. I'm sorry you're having a tough time. It really will pass although it might not feel like it.

This book is a very practical approach to panic attacks: www.amazon.co.uk/Flagging-Anxiety-Reshape-Anxious-Brain/dp/1910742325?tag=mumsnetforu03-21 the author, Harry Barry also has a lot of stuff on YouTube about anxiety and panic, particularly the physical aspects of what's happening in your body when a panic attack starts. He uses really simple techniques to help you recognise what's happening and to shorten and eventually stop them completely. You've had a lot going on so your alarm system is stuck on high alert and gets triggered easily, a bit like a dodgy thermostat on your central heating that keeps your house a degree or two too warm. The techniques he uses will help you to damp down the anxious/panicky reactions and get back a less reactive response to triggers. I hope it helps you and that life gets a bit easier for you.

How old are you? I got this when I was perimenopausal. When I knew what was causing them they stopped becoming so severe.

Look in to getting some CBT. Really helped me.
Agree it's becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy and you are expecting these awful attacks.
In the meantime could you totally 'change' bedtime for a while. Try to reset it. Break the cycle.
Go to sleep in a different room?
May sound crazy but spend a night not going to bed at all ( nap on sofa)?
Spend a night with a friend?
I know it sounds like avoidant behaviour but I think I'd try breaking the cycle and see what happens.
Definitely book CBT.

Calm app as a pp suggested is great.

I would recommend considering going to the doctors for beta blockers. These simply manage the physical symptoms and a course should give you the breathing space to address the underlying causes / refocus on yourself / practicing good self care

I’ve downloaded the calm app thanks will have a look at it later.

Swinesinsleepingbags I’m 42, but I don’t think it’s likely to be hormone related as I’ve had a lot of IVF and had migraines with that but never any panic attacks or anything with all the hormones going in/out...

Ludog I’ve downloaded a sample of that book thank you, will have a look at it later.

address the underlying causes / refocus on yourself / practicing good self care
I feel like I’ve done this as much as I can though. The underlying causes won’t all go away (DS won’t magically stop having SEN and my mum isn’t going to spring back to life). I eat proper food, get fresh air and exercise every day, took up colouring when mum was ill which helped to “zone me out” from stuff. I’d love to lose weight but that’s not happening due to the chronic stress/sleep dep over the years.

I’ve had anti-depressants that are good for anxiety. I can’t take propanolol because of my asthma but I know people who have found it helpful. I find when my anxiety is peaked (at stressful times) that a combination of counselling and medication are the most helpful. It’s worth seeing your GP because other underlying medical conditions can make these symptoms worse.

Have you seen your GP?

Medication can help panic attacks. I was prescribed propranolol for the physical symptoms and diazepam for the racing thoughts when I was having panic attacks. They helped and enabled me to get some sleep and respite from them.

Panic attacks and anxiety are not something you just have to live with, it is definitely worth speaking to your GP and seeing if there is a short course of medication that can be prescribed to help. Your bereavement is still very recent and the grief must still be quite raw so it’s understandable you’re struggling right now. Perhaps also look at some talking therapy for yourself to talk about the underlying worries (your health, your DS’s SEN, your DP’s mental health, losing your Mum, who would look after your DS) and see if you can work through them.

My GP is a pompous twit. Told a then suicidal DH to look on the bright side and do a bit of gardening (in winter). I went with a broken toe and he told me I had high blood pressure (I don’t, but it was high after he mansplained basic anatomy to my fluffy little self). GP utterly useless and we are in a little village.

sorry about your mum.
and sorry that your life is hard at the moment.

I agree with other posters. go to your gp. medication is not the devil. it can help break the cycle and a good night's sleep will make everything seem not as bad.

good luck!

I know medication is not the devil DH is on meds and I’ve taken anti-Ds myself in the past, plus DS is on prescription melatonin... but I don’t feel depressed and my GP is a w@nker anyway.

Definitely go to GP and ask for Propanalol. I had debilitating panic attacks some years ago, day in, day out, constantly (I couldn't leave the house in case I had one outside) and propanalol really helped. I still get rare random ones completely out of the blue, no obvious stressors, just have to ride them out. Personally I do think there is also a hormonal link.

They are awful and only people who have had them can understand the horror, the racing heart, racing thoughts. You have a lot of stress in your life right now, it's going to manifest in some way.

Also agree with trying to break the cycle. If it's part of your routine to expect one then this heightens your body's responses and can be a self fulfilling prophecy.

There's a good video on Youtube of a breathing triangle (search "Triangle breathing, 1 minute" on Youtube) it really helps you to focus on your breathing when you're in the middle of an attack.

If you've done everything practical you can,. take the AD's. Your GP being a wanker is not a good enough reason to put yourself through panic attacks.
AD's may not be specific for panic attacks but they do help.

Just on the hormone thing, I had ivf and it didn't trigger panic attacks but in the last 6 months they've returned (had some as a teen but then years and years free of them despite some really bad times).

I am 45 with no other peri symptoms but at my drs suggestion have been tracking them and they do seem to coincide with my periods - I get horribly anxious the couple of days before then calm down when I come on and that then seems to trigger one of the buggers.

Caffeine reduction massively helped me as did being outside (I increased my running). I have propranolol but I don't get on brilliantly with it.

You have my sympathy though - they are awful things

You’ve had a rough time with ongoing stress which you can’t change so you have to learn coping tactics.
Ensure you get time to yourself to do the things that help you to relax and unwind.
Nap when you need to.
When you are panicking and your thoughts are racing count back from 1000 in your head, it’s not as easy as it sounds and it distracts your brain from panic mode. I haven’t found any calming apps useful.
Exercise, get outside as much as you can, going to the gym doesn’t help, being outside does.
My gp told me to run, when I first started I couldn’t run to the end of the road, now I can run halfway round my village, it puts me on a natural high.
Consider getting a non demanding pet like a rabbit, so relaxing to watch and stroke.
Take the AD’s and ask for Propranolol, I don’t have depression but do have constant stress in my life that I cannot change which is turn causes extreme anxiety and panic attacks. Both meds have changed my life considerably.

Thanks for all the suggestions. I do 4/7/8 breathing I’ll look up triangle breathing and give that a go too.

Non-demanding pet already on hand, two snuggly pussy cats 🐱🐱

Definitely going to try counting backwards from 1000!

@ACupOfTeaSolvesEverything I appreciate what you say but I wouldn't rule out being perimenopausal. My friend that had IVF is the one that suffered the worst, I don't know if her already shot hormones made it worse. I'd speak to GP (do you have more than one if not change practice)

Used the calm app yesterday daytime then again at bedtime and no panic attack - yay!! Thanks to all who recommended it x

i managed to get my panic attacks under control without medication. the key piece of advice for me was the knowledge that adrenaline is the driving force of panic attacks and that once its released there is nothing that can be done for at least twenty minutes until the adrenaline has been processed by the body. once i knew this and therefore accepted that once an attack started i was going to feel rubbish for at least twenty minutes I was able to reduce the length and frequency of them over time with relaxation and breathing .techniques.

I had a similar issue, and found energetic aerobic exercise was the key to breaking the chain. I did running, with some sprints late in the evening, and would then sleep well that night. My theory is it burnt up some of the adrenaline I had sloshing about all day so I was more relaxed at night.