Reasonable or just a spoil sport?

[TheEighthHorcrux]

Looking for a bit of perspective, as I'm not sure if I'm just a horrible mean old wife or whether he is really the shitty one.

DH works nights. Has worked all over Christmas. We have 1 DC.

Christmas Day he went to bed at around 10am (after watching DC open presents) and then woke again at around 5pm, not staying for any dinner and leaving 2.5 hours early for work.

Boxing Day, he gets in at just after 7am. Wakes at 11:30. Goes off to watch the football at midday (kick off at 3), returns home at 6:30 and then goes to work at 7pm.

I feel very hurt that he couldn't get up and spend more time with us on Christmas Day, yet found the will to get up so early to watch the football yesterday. AIBU?

He's also insisted we shouldn't go to a family do on Saturday night because he will be coming off a week of nights and it will be no fun for him. He doesn't seem to understand that Christmas alone with only 4 year old DC for company isn't exactly a barrel of laughs for me.

I have said I will go alone but he says he doesn't want to be by himself as he hasn't seen us all week

If hes going to be "adjusting" after working mights then point out how considerate you are being taking the DC out so he can get uninterrupted sleep.....

spoke to him this morning and he said he didn't want to get in the way, so he went to work and got himself a dinner from the canteen. I've told him I don't understand why he wouldn't make the most of every minute with us and playing with DC. He had no answer.

He didn’t want to get in the way?! He couldn’t have played with the kids whilst you did dinner? It’s fine to leave you to do dinner and do Christmas whilst he sits in a canteen?!

He is being a selfish arse and he knows it.

Why is he trying to stop you going to the family do though when he clearly likes doing his own thing and isn’t that interested in being with his family-that’s more interesting.

I’d have absolutely no issue with the football season ticket given he works 80 hours of shifts to provide not only for himself but a wife and child. He deserves some down time. Given you don’t mention work, presumably you get a lot of time to do things you want to.

Him staying home from a Christmas do is fine, telling you not to go if you want to isn’t. I’d find that controlling just as much as saying he can’t go to football.

This is not a serious suggestion, I'm just trying to show him how "dog in the manger" he's being; but if he wants to stay at home on his terms, with company - why not go to the family do on your own, and leave the beloved fruit of his loins to keep Daddy company?
Of course that is a ridiculous suggestion (if not potentially downright dangerous!) but it might give him some idea of the reality that he is not the only one working hard, and that he has some responsibility for the other little person in the house?

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss the OP mentions work in a reply on the first page - she works full time. But don’t let that ruin your assumption she should be happy to be provided for!

OP personally I would be going to the party whether DH wants to or not, your DC will see family and you’ve been alone while he’s worked/slept. YANBU to not sit about at home waiting for him! Go to the do. The choice here is his not yours - either he goes with you or he stays at home.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

I work full time. I am also self employed, so work at home too in the evenings to provide for my family. It is not a case of me reaping all the benefits while he goes to work. Not at all.

You're right. It's his choice and I should be stronger. We are going to the family party, it is up to him what he chooses to do from there.

I also don't stop him from going to the football. I'm not going to lie, I don't love it because it means whether he's working or not it's a full day out of the house.

I don't do half of the things I want to do because I balance caring for my child with spending time with my family. I certainly can't make a solid commitment to anything weekly, and yes I am kind of bitter about it.

Mostly because it I decide there is something I want to do it has to be planned in advance and I can't rely on him to be there/be awake enough for it to be safe.

I cant believe he thought fucking off early and buying a canteen dinner on Christmas Day was a wise choice, it seems like he doesn't wnat to spend time as a family

I worked 12-hour shifts at night immediately after graduating college but I never behaved so selfishly! Your husband has a lot of damn nerve to be checking out of family life so spectacularly at Christmas. To be honest this would be a deal breaker for me and I'd consider ending the supposed "relationship"

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

OP does work full time! Even if she didn't it's bloody Christmas day and Boxing day that's not the days you take some down time. It's not even about OP what about the 4 year old child who might want to see his dad over Christmas!