To be annoyed at OH

[meandmycoffeecup]

2 of my friends organised a joint birthday party. The party will cater for both adults and kids, with organised activities for both - brilliant idea. Was looking forward to it, i bought the gifts and made a dessert to bring to the party.

Unfortunately on the day of the event DC was unwell so told OH that one of us should stay at home and the other can go to the party for a short period of time to drop the presents and the dessert. He immediately said i should stay with DC and he will go to the party “just to drop the gifts and say hi”.

Aside from notifying me that he arrived at the party i did not hear from him until i tried to call him more than 6 hours later. I was so exhausted as DC required constant attention that day. It was late at night and he did not even bother to check on us. When i called him he said he was about to go and when he arrived he said he was the first one to leave the party which i felt like he was trying to make me feel guilty and sounded annoyed at me.

I was just hoping that he would have left the party earlier to help me with DC but staying more than 6 hours i think is a bit too much.

I was so exhausted and i am really annoyed. Am i being unreasonable here?

So you shopped and made pudding, how did he get to be the one who went to the party?

I’d be angry too OP.

@pollywobble exactly and on top of that staying there until late. I was fuming but he can’t seem to get what’s annoying about what he has done!

Why did you agree to it? Especially since they're your friends?

Nope, they were your friends and you did the prep. Your mistake was giving him the opportunity to grab the best option!

No way would you have been gone that long nor stayed out of touch with him and your sick DC. I'd be checking with your friends how he behaved and when he left... Did he help entertain the children who were there and serve your dessert, for instance? Did all the children stay 6 hours?!

He sounds selfish, greedy and inconsiderate, not to mention dishonest, as he said he'd stay 'a short time'. Did he in fact drop off the presents and then take off on his own somewhere?

Next time, it would be wiser not to offer the possibility but just tell him you're going and he's in sole charge of his DC.

What would happen if you told him you were popping out to say hi to someone briefly, then stayed out six hours with no message? Would he have reported you missing and sent hundreds of texts?

Why not try it and see? Because apparently 6 hours+ is 'a short time' when he takes it. 😉

To be fair I am a piss head. If it was my friends I would have gone, got drunk and had a fabulous time. 6 hours is not that long. However, my husband is perfectly capable of looking after our children when they are ill ( and when I say piss head I mean I like a glass of wine-not I have an addiction). I don’t see the problem but if my husband had been struggling we would have agreed a time in advance (and I’d have ignored it (possibly)).

They are our common friends. I did not protest to me staying at home as i was worried about DC. I was expecting him to at least offer for me to go but he didn’t. If I went i would have probably stayed only an hour or two.

@NearlyGranny good idea! If i am gone 6 hours I’m sure i will get a barrage of texts of when I will be home!

@superram i could have been more explicit about the time i expect him to be home as i need help with DC but i thought dropping the presents will not take 6 hours. I Did not want to message him after an hour as i don’t want him to feel rushed but i guess that was not a smart move on my part!

Your SO behaved very selfishly IMO.

If he said he was going to drop off the food and gift when he left, then staying for the party was a complete change of plans. Especially selfish given you had put in all the prep work for the party.

I'd be annoyed and telling him exactly why.

You gave him the opportunity and he took it. This can’t be the only act of him not seeing past his own wants.

I understand your annoyance and disappointment but he clearly isn’t one to own up to being selfish. Next time you’ll know not to offer the choice because he’ll always choose himself.