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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to leave him now

14 replies

Hadenough4565 · 27/12/2019 00:30

Hi I've name changed. Would I be unreasonable to leave my do now ? Was really wanting to do it before Christmas but put It off due to dc.

Thing's that have made me come to the decision is mainly alcohol . He drinks nearly every day most week days having maybe maximum of 4 beers. But at weekend has well over 16 cans a night.

Being drunk every weekend means I'm stuck in the house and can't go out in the evening as I can't leave the DC in the care of their dad. So I feel very trapped and being in the same house with someone that listens to the same songs every weekend very loud while shouting at me about stuff from his youth really annoys me.

And all the other stuff that comes with it like the hangovers so he isn't doing his fair share with the children . And I'm having to clean up his mess every Saturday and Sunday.

I've reached the end of my tether now he's off for the 2 weeks that the school is and he's been drinking every day. He didn't even. Want to come to my mums boxing day buffet today as he was wanting to drink in the house . 😔

So I know I'm not unreasonable but how will it work I don't know where he wil go he pays the rent on the place we are in now.

Has anyone been in this situation that can help? I'm miserable and can't bear this any more for my children.

Thanks for reading sorry it's long

OP posts:
BillHadersNewWife · 27/12/2019 00:35

YANBU. How would he take it though if you told him to get out? Would he just leave without trouble? Your life will improve a lot if he goes OP...sooner the better.

Original poster
Hadenough4565 · 27/12/2019 00:45

I think he would be heart broken but I think he would leave but I worry where to and would it make his drinking worse ? I wouldn't be able to trust him to have the DC over night .

OP posts:
RoseyOldCrow · 27/12/2019 00:57

Does he have any idea how you feel about his drinking & his unhelpful behaviour?
Have you asked him to change, and told him what will happen if he doesn't?
YABU to end the relationship without him being aware of the situation.
YANBU if you've explained & he is ignoring you.

HomeAlone39 · 27/12/2019 01:01

I'm so sorry. He needs to find help as he is an alcoholic but that needs to be his decision. I think it would be fair enough to ask him to do this first, and if he refuses, then to split up. And then you can't be responsible or feel guilty for his choices or for whether the breakup makes him worse

Mrsmurp2be · 27/12/2019 01:03

Talk to him first, make sure he knows exactly how u feel about it all then see where things go

Fieldofgreycorn · 27/12/2019 01:10

Totally agree RoseyOldCrow

Heismyopendoor · 27/12/2019 01:13

I take it you’ve spoken to him about the drinking?

Sounds like an alcoholic to me. People think you need to be drinking bottles and bottles of alcohol every day to be an alcoholic, but even if it’s one drink a day and they can’t go without, that’s an alcoholic right there.

I wouldn’t stay with him, sounds like he has no consideration for you and the kids and you aren’t spending any time with him or living your life.

Leave him. What he does with his life or drinking is not your problem. I certainly wouldn’t be letting him have the kids overnight.

Wereallsquare · 27/12/2019 01:17

He needs to hit his rock bottom before he admits and agrees to do something about his abuse of alcohol. Maybe your leaving right away will be the impetus he needs to get help.

overnightangel · 27/12/2019 01:23

This is no kind of life.
One chance to sort himself out or you’re gone.
If he’s already had that chance and is still doing this, it’s bye bye.
Simple

justilou1 · 27/12/2019 01:29

Go... he has chosen alcohol over you anyway.

Original poster
Hadenough4565 · 27/12/2019 09:58

Yes I've spoke to him about it numerous times . We have been together for over 11 years . I even needed up badly depressed a few years ago because of his drinking . Which he then finally took notice to and stopped not completely cold turkey but stopped binge drinking.

Now we are back to the same and I am not mentally prepared to go through that again.

I feel like he has picked drink over me and DC .

But obviously it's still worries me about me not being there to watch him. Or leaving the dc with him .

OP posts:
NomNomNomNom · 27/12/2019 10:04

Leave now for the kid's sake as well as your own. You've given him every chance to change but he slips back so you need to leave. It also sends a message to the kids that this level of drinking isn't acceptable or normal.

recklessruby · 27/12/2019 15:20

Yanbu to leave.
Yabu to feel it s your duty to "watch" him and put up with these weekends.
Dc will be so much happier without the stress.
As to where he goes/how heartbroken he is? Not your fault, not your problem.
He chose to drink, chose to continue despite how it affects you and dc.
I understand he s probably addicted now but using it to medicate himself over unresolved issues isnt the answer.
If you weren't there to clean up he might just see what he s lost and get help.
I m sorry you and dc are in this crappy situation.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 27/12/2019 15:43

He'll never change.
Leave him now.

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