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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Xmas eve meal

21 replies

BusyBB · 26/12/2019 22:58

So DH had to work on Xmas day until 10 at night. we decided to do a special Xmas eve meal at ours as it's nice to do a bit of hosting and to make up for DH missing Xmas day.

it was meant to be me, dh, brother, mother and step dad. had been arranged for ages, and we'd planned to exchange gifts then also.

10 mins before the 3 guests were due, I got a text from my mum saying they hadn't left yet and were going to be late (it's 20 mins drive). I couldn't do anything about the food as it was already in the oven nearly ready.

I have not been having a great time recently which perhaps impacted on my patience.... 45 mins late my mum and brother arrive without my step dad. I let them know I was annoyed. brother joked the food would be better if it was hot.

Anyway, mum said step dad had been waiting for a package, then it arrived at which point he said he was too busy to come anyway. He hasn't said sorry to me, or even commented on the fact he didn't come.

He also pulled out last minute when I put on a birthday dinner for my mum this year.

Is it normal to feel annoyed and that he doesn't like us?

OP posts:
Cantdoleft · 26/12/2019 23:02

Why would the food be due to be ready at the time the guests arrived? I don’t get it. Surely you invite people for at least an hour before you plan to eat.

Peoples plans change. I couldn’t get wound up about it. More food for you to eat

Heismyopendoor · 26/12/2019 23:05

Peoples plans change? Repeatedly cancelling last minute is just plain rude!!

Op, what does your mum say about him cancelling? And they were rude to be late like that and then moan about the food not being hot.

ElluesPichulobu · 26/12/2019 23:06

you're probably right that he doesn't like you. so what? you don't have to be universally liked, especially not by selfish arseholes.

in future make a meal that won't be spoiled by being kept warm for an extra hour and don't bother setting a place for him unless he turns up.

Geometricprince · 26/12/2019 23:08

Your step dad is very rude but I wouldn't make a meal to be ready at exactly the time I expected people to arrive. That's just asking for trouble.

Original poster
BusyBB · 26/12/2019 23:08

@Cantdoleft
My mum had told me they wouldn't be able to stay long, max of 2 hours, so had food ready for time of arrival.

OP posts:
Original poster
BusyBB · 26/12/2019 23:11

@Heismyopendoor Mum said she was annoyed at him. and they blamed being late on him too.

OP posts:
AIBUToday · 26/12/2019 23:13

brother joked the food would be better if it was hot after arriving 45 minutes late. That's just plain rude, I would also be annoyed.

He hasn't said sorry to me, or even commented on the fact he didn't come YANBU to be annoyed by this, very rude

Heismyopendoor · 26/12/2019 23:14

I would stop inviting him. It doesn’t seem like you would be missing out by doing so.

In future just address things to your DM. If she asks if step dad is invited too, just say something like ‘he’s more than welcome, but from all the cancellations I didn’t think he’d want to come’.

Does he go out to other places, with his friends, your DM or his other family members?

CherryPavlova · 26/12/2019 23:15

Food ready at point of arrival is just plain rude unless it’s a takeaway and people are waiting.
I think this time of year you just have to accept a degree of flex in your plans. One less isn’t a big deal, surely?

Original poster
BusyBB · 26/12/2019 23:19

@ElluesPichulobu I get you in theory, but the man is married to my mum, so it just feels awkward. we've been invited over to theirs for dinner on Saturday (by mum), and I now feel like I'm intruding on his space and unwelcome, which is wierd as it's the house I grew up in.

OP posts:
dognamedspot · 26/12/2019 23:20

@CherryPavlova, maybe read the thread?

Singletomingle · 26/12/2019 23:23

Given the history and the limited time frame I'm not sure I'd bother inviting them again. You are clearly not a priority to them.

Original poster
BusyBB · 26/12/2019 23:26

@CherryPavlova @ElluesPichulobu @Geometricprince
next time I'll make something to keep warm if there is a next time, bitter mumbling
I should have said in the OP that I'd been asked to make it a quick meal, that they wouldn't have been able to stay all evening.

I don't understand how it's rude to have food ready, especially in the circumstances. Never considered it to be rude...

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 26/12/2019 23:27

dognamedspot I read the thread. It’s sad. Trivial nonsense made into an issue. Serving a meal at the point of arrival is rude. It allows no time for flex in the arrangements. That’s silly regardless.

Original poster
BusyBB · 26/12/2019 23:31

@Heismyopendoor thanks. yes he does go out.

OP posts:
jellycatspyjamas · 26/12/2019 23:35

To be honest, it sounds like they really didn’t have time to spare - 2 hours for a family/celebration meal isn’t a lot at the best of time never mind at Christmas. If their time window was so tight I’d probably have taken the hint and suggested a different day it time.

Geometricprince · 26/12/2019 23:49

@BusyBB I don't think you were rude having the meal ready, just that there are always factors that might make people late so just for your own peace of mind aim to have it ready a little later. Anyway, I wouldn't invite your stepdad again, address any invites to your DM. Hope you enjoyed the rest of Christmas Xmas Smile

Expressedways · 26/12/2019 23:49

It was a nice thought but if your family only had 2 hours to spare then they were not free for dinner. It’s a shame they couldn’t just say as much. A low key drinks and nibbles would have been better under the circumstances but to be honest, your brother and your step dad are so rude that I question if even opening a pack of premade dips and breadsticks would have been worth the effort. You were silly to cook a full meal but YANBU to be annoyed at the rudeness.

Original poster
BusyBB · 26/12/2019 23:56

@jellycatspyjamas

@expressedways
my mum told me they would only have 2 hours the day before. I'd already bought ingredients etc. unfortunately we couldn't have changed the day as my brother was only visiting for a few days.

OP posts:
Daisydrum · 27/12/2019 00:06

How long has he been your stepdad?
He doesn’t seem to value your time and effort.
You want to see your family at Christmas, especially if your brother will only be in town for a few days. So why did the dinner only have to be 2 hours? What did they need to get back for.
Stand your ground.

Expressedways · 27/12/2019 00:08

my mum told me they would only have 2 hours the day before. I'd already bought ingredients etc.
They get worse with every update. I wouldn’t be going to any effort for them again.

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