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Original poster

To think he's not really into me?

25 replies

lottiedelavega · 26/12/2019 19:46

We were friends when we were teens and recently got into contact again. He lives around a two hour drive away, his family live in the same town as me.

We went on a date in the middle of November when he was last home. On our date he said he was looking for a serious relationship. Made plans to see each other when he came home. But since then we only message sparingly- like three or four messages a week!

He's been home since Saturday. Only messaged last night (and before that he messaged a week ago) That added to the fact of barley messaging says to me he's not really looking for a serious relationship with me. Does it sound like he's just looking for hook ups when he comes home?

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 26/12/2019 19:48

He might be looking for a serious relationship but it doesn't sound as though he's looking for a serious relationship with you.

Palavah · 26/12/2019 19:49

Yep, and/or dipping his toe in.

Sorry. Move on up.

Josette77 · 26/12/2019 19:50

He's not into you.

Merryoldgoat · 26/12/2019 19:51

Yeah, move on OP. He’s not feeling it.

PositiveVibez · 26/12/2019 19:53

Yeah. Let this one go. His actions are speaking for themselves.

Mummadeeze · 26/12/2019 19:54

Could you ask him where you stand? That is what I would do.

Original poster
lottiedelavega · 26/12/2019 19:55

Your all echoing my thoughts, but my friend seems to think otherwise. She bumped into him on a night out Saturday night, and told me how lovely he is, and how I havnt messaged him much either and to give him a chance.

I just see no point in going on a date with someone who I barley talk to and will see again in two months time! Her thoughts are that I need to give it a chance, and a few more dates will cement it.

The message he sent yesterday was him wishing me a merry Xmas, and how busy he's been and how he's not been on his phone as he's had a tough time. Yet he had time to arrange a boys night out.

I'm 29 and feeling I havnt got time to be wasting.

OP posts:
Original poster
lottiedelavega · 26/12/2019 19:56

@Mummadeeze how do I do this, without looking like I'm needy?

OP posts:
Mimithemouse · 26/12/2019 19:57

I would just write him off and make no more effort.

Original poster
lottiedelavega · 26/12/2019 20:11

I think so too @Mimithemouse

OP posts:
PerfectPretender · 26/12/2019 20:13

No need to get in touch, just be busy next time he messages you.

Original poster
lottiedelavega · 26/12/2019 20:18

Sad still disgustingly single then.

OP posts:
dancemom · 26/12/2019 20:30

If someone really wants to see you / date you / message you they would.

It takes 2 seconds to send a text, you can do it while you pee! So there are no excuses.

I really need to learn to take my own advice 🙄

Original poster
lottiedelavega · 26/12/2019 20:44

It true isn't it. No matter how 'nice' they guy is, (and he is nice!). If he was serious, I'd know.

OP posts:
Inanothertime · 26/12/2019 20:50

Does it sound like he's just looking for hook ups when he comes home?

I think so.
As others have said, it takes seconds to text.
He's been home since Saturday and you haven't met up? Ok, so he's been with (A) family & (B) friends.
He's got you on his C list - Don't waste your time on him.

Original poster
lottiedelavega · 26/12/2019 20:57

Ok so do I tell him why I'm not interested when he messaged next? Or shall I just ignore.

OP posts:
Inanothertime · 26/12/2019 21:03

Detach emotionally. Be busy, make plans for the rest of the week with friends or on your own.
If he suggests meeting and it fits in with you, meet him. If not, don't.
Get back onto 'friends' territory.

Inanothertime · 26/12/2019 21:05

Or, if you feel like he's messing with your head, just ignore.

Raphael34 · 26/12/2019 21:06

If he wanted you he’d be all over you. He’s not feeling it. I’d let this one go

Napmum · 26/12/2019 21:46

I'm with inanothertime just stay busy and don't reply quickly. Go back to the just friends territory, it's possible that he's feeling the pressure from you to "let you know where you stand" after one date.

However if this is messing with your head then do move on. 29 is not that old to be single and you need to feel happy with being on your own (not forever but just happy to have fun before you meet mr right). That way 1 you'll not risk settling for the someone just because they're available and 2 you'll become much more desirable if you seem like you're not easily obtainable.

This works both ways my now husband was too keen on me at first. But when we met up again 6months later and he was happy being single I was all over him, I even knew enough psychology at the time to know why I had changed my mind but it still worked.

Original poster
lottiedelavega · 26/12/2019 22:08

I've been happy with being on my own for years now. Sad I'm very casual and maybe that's the problem

OP posts:
Sn0tnose · 26/12/2019 22:50

I'm very casual and maybe that's the problem This isn’t a problem. It sounds like you’re almost blaming yourself for him not chasing after you. Don’t do that to yourself. If he isn’t making an effort, that’s on him, not you.

1Morewineplease · 26/12/2019 23:00

I’d cast your net a bit wider. If he was into you, he’d be making more of an effort. The fact that he has said that he isn’t looking for a serious relationship with you should be enough to block him and move on to be honest.

Original poster
lottiedelavega · 26/12/2019 23:03

He hasn't said he isn't looking for a serious relationship with me. He said the opposite. That he doesn't want games and he's looking to settle down.

Just don't know how you can settle down with someone you barely speak to.

OP posts:
Myheadisamess31 · 27/12/2019 07:21

Maybe he likes you but the distance is worrying him. If he's looking for something serious and you being a 2 hour drive away might be putting him off especially as you say you'd only see each other every couple of months. Whilst he's home i would message him see if he fancies a a drink and a catch up make it sound casual and see what response you get

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