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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to PIL tonight

25 replies

StarryEyed88 · 26/12/2019 14:13

I’m 26 weeks pregnant and so tired today. We’ve had a full house the last few days and although DH did most of the cooking it still felt like a lot with us hosting. We have my family coming to visit tomorrow and friends on Saturday so I’d like to stay home tonight. PIL have invited the family round tonight for a buffet, drinks, games etc. Is it rude not to go? I wouldn’t mind if it was only going to be an hour or so, but it’ll be more like 5/6 hours and I just can’t face it.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 26/12/2019 14:17

Will this be the first time you’re seeing PIL over Christmas or did you host them already? Why does it have to 5 be or 6 hours?

Original poster
StarryEyed88 · 26/12/2019 14:19

They were at our house yesterday for about 8 hours so yes seen them already. It’s just always that way when we go, by the time they get the food ready, everyone chats, we eat, play games. I do get on well with them all but just don’t feel like it today.

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 26/12/2019 14:21

If it were me, I would go. Unless you hosted PIL on Christmas Eve and/or Christmas Day. You don't have to stay for such a long time, just leave when you have had enough.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/12/2019 14:21

If you’ve already seen them then definitely stay home!

Newbie1981 · 26/12/2019 14:21

These things are always much better than you think once you get the there. I wouldn't say you were being rude of just seems a bit miserable over Xmas

boomboom1234 · 26/12/2019 14:21

I would stay home but your husband should go.

Marlouse · 26/12/2019 14:29

Well, to be honest, if think that would be very rude. You have made the choice to make these days very busy for yourself. And now that you won’t be able to handle it, you want to cancel on your PIL?
Why not cancel any other activity? Surely having your family over tomorrow or the friends on saturday must be very tiring as well. Why not cancel one of those activities?
Why not call the PIL beforehand and explain that you are very tired but are still coming but ask to be pampered a little bit. And then maybe stay for 3 hours.

I’ve seen this with my lovely neighbours. They are always the first ones to get canceled on by their DILs. Very, very sad.

Original poster
StarryEyed88 · 26/12/2019 14:34

@marlouse the reason is that I’ve seen them on Xmas eve and all day yesterday. My family live 200 miles away and I haven’t seen them since October, and the friends are visiting from another country, so are here for 1 week over Xmas.

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 26/12/2019 14:37

Stay home and enjoy a peaceful evening. If Dh wants to go let him off. Just say you are too tired. No need to make any other excuses. Sod them if they are offended - not your problem.

BlueSuffragette · 26/12/2019 14:47

I would say you are tired and feel a bit poorly so need to rest. You have lready spent time with them. Time to put yourself first. Ask DH to go. You can have a really restful night in.

Marlouse · 26/12/2019 14:48

I’m very sorry, I missed the part where you said that they were at your house for eight hours yesterday. I jumped to the conclusion that tonight would be the only visit with them.
As you’ve already spend a lot of time with them yanbu to get some rest today and stay in.

2Rebecca · 26/12/2019 15:02

I think people try cramming too much socialising in to Christmas and Hogmanay and lots of people end up tired and stressed. I think if Christmas day is an extended family socialising day it's good to have boxing day as a chill out day. As you are pregnant I think you have a good excuse not to go. Next year ensure you plan more chill out days in to the festive period.

DragonUdders · 26/12/2019 15:07

Chill at home. It sounds like you need it.

ASimpleLampoon · 26/12/2019 18:07

Stay home. You've already seen them and you need a rest

ButtonandPickle19 · 26/12/2019 18:15

Stay home if you want to, or maybe if you’re close with them ask if they have a room you could go and lie down in if you get over tired. I was always exhausted when pregnant

LightDrizzle · 26/12/2019 18:18

Stay at home but make it clear you are happy for your DH to go without you.

YANBU

Pancakeflipper · 26/12/2019 18:32

Send DH and lay on the sofa.

NoSauce · 26/12/2019 18:48

Just say you’ve got a headache and that you’re going to have an early night. It’s not like you haven’t seen them over Christmas.

Limensoda · 26/12/2019 19:01

Your DH could go and you stay home. You are pregnant and should do what feels right for you.
There's no problem....so don't make it one by feeling guilty.

Harriett123 · 26/12/2019 20:53

Send DH and have an evening with Netflix and some left over Christmas chocolates.

bigchris · 26/12/2019 20:56

Definitely stay home, this time of year is exhausting even if you're not pregnant !

livefornaps · 26/12/2019 20:59

Egg their windows

Tonz · 26/12/2019 21:04

Send DH and you stay home and rest. I was always exhausted when pregnant. Your PIL should understand

Rottnest · 27/12/2019 04:27

You are more than entitled to look after yourself during your pregnancy, if you cannot put your needs first at this time, when can you?
I'm sure your h can manage to go with out you, while you rest and recuperate. Look after yourself

Homebird8 · 27/12/2019 05:41

@livefornaps

Egg their windows A little out there but I’m sure there must be a story.

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