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The deleted "things could be much worse" thread

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DeathStare · 26/12/2019 10:57

I suspect this may also get deleted because it's a thread about a deleted thread. And I certainly don't want to restart the "things could be worse" debate/discussion/jumping on the OP - so if this does stay up please could nobody do that? If anyone remembers the OP's username could they tag her in a reply?

I nipped out and came back wanting to say something to the OP, and found that the thread had gone, so I am hoping she is reading this. What I wanted to say is that that I'm sorry if I was a bit harsh. You are clearly going through an awful time right now and have very little support. I think I was hit by what seemed like your lack of compassion for others and in turn had a lack of compassion for you in that moment, forgetting that when people are overwhelmed compassion for others is hard to find.

In one of your posts you mentioned phoning the Samaritans. Please do call them. That is what they are there for and they will be glad to give you some support especially over this time when other services are closed.

If you vomit blood again please do go to A&E. And if you do end up there please do tell them how down you are feeling and ask them if they can refer you for some support.

When your GP reopens please do go and talk to them about how you are feeling.

I think the reason a lot of people seemed angry at you is that a lot of the things you mention are in your control even though they might not feel like it right now. Also a lot of people (myself included) have had some experience of being close to alcoholics and know that this sense of "poor me" is part of the problem. You CAN change this if you want to. No it won't be easy. There will be times when the pain will seen unbearable and you will be desperate for a drink, but you CAN get through those times if you really want to, if you really want your life to be better.

You said that AA nearly killed you and I'm not sure what you meant. The AA approach isn't the only approach to dealing with addiction and maybe it isn't the right one for you. But it is probably the most accessible (it is probably one you can access in the next day or two if you want to). What I would say is take from it what you need to get on top of your addiction and leave the parts that don't work for you. Some people go to church even though they don't believe in god because they need a sense of community and belonging. That's OK, and it's OK to do the same with AA.

Please bear in mind though that no method of dealing with alcoholism can make it easy. There is no method you can use where there aren't times that will be incredibly painful and where you will be desperate to have a drink and which will feel (at the time) to last forever. No programme can get rid of that, unfortunately that is just something you have to go through if you want life to get better.

But the good news is that it CAN get better. This is something that is in your control, that you can change. I know you are desperately lonely right now and that makes alcoholism (and depression) even harder to deal with. Is there anyone you can reach out to? You might be surprised that there is someone who would be there to give some support if they knew you were ready and committed to change, or even if they knew how low you were feeling.

It might be that right now there is nobody. Please try to understand that this isn't because they hate you - it's because dealing with an alcoholic is emotionally and physically draining and they have had to put up boundaries to protect themselves. Please remember that the people who have gone right now are not necessarily gone forever. If you can make changes and they can see that they may be back. And there will be new friendships, new relationships you make along the way.

I know making those changes when you seem so alone and when the loneliness and grief is eating you up seems unbearable right now, but you CAN do it. I believe in you. Next Christmas can be different if you start now. And this is where the Samaritans and people at groups like AA can provide some support, at least until you do have a tribe around you.

In the meantime please try not to judge other people's problems. I know how hard that is. I know you are wishing that the only problems you had were lumpy gravy or rude in laws. I get that and I feel for you. But you don't know the road other people are walking, and getting yourself worked up about their "trivial" issues isn't making your own problems any better. In fact it's probably one the factors keeping you locked in that spiral.

Next Christmas you may well be posting here about your Christmas trivialities. I hope you are. You can do this. It's in your hands.


OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


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