Mother doesn’t accept my veggie/ vegan diet after over 30 years

[Everythingnotsaved]

I have been vegetarian for 32 years since I was a teenager. 18 months ago I decided to turn vegan for ethical reasons. After most of my life spent not eating meat, it felt like a natural & well researched step.
My mother STILL can’t accept my choices!! She bought me milk chocolates for Xmas, constantly makes references to ‘well that’s not how you were brought up’ ‘surely you could eat bacon, you liked it as a child’ and is openly embarrassed by my dietary choices. I have called her out on it multiple times but she makes jokes at my expense, is disapproving of one of my kids being veggie (my 12 year old DS decided to turn veggie but my DD eats meat in school/ when we go out etc - I just don’t cook it at home but have always said it’s up to them to decide)
Aibu to be so fed up of it? It’s over 30’years 😳

Can you stop seeing her for meals?

Do you think she sees your veganism or vegetarianism as an implicit criticism of her? Some people seem to be unhealthily occupied by what other people choose to eat, especially relatives. I don’t know what you can do about it except refuse to react to her provocation. It must be very annoying though.

@lovepoppy it’s not like I even see her/eat with her that often as we don’t live in same place. She mentions it on the phone too. My DS is quite proud of his decision- he made it himself & thought about it himself- I have never pressured my kids- she makes it clear she is disappointed in him too because he used to eat meat at her house & now he doesn’t! I am so fed up of it

@CardsforKittens possibly- I was 15 when I turned veggie so a looonnngg time ago & maybe she thought it was a fad but it’s pretty obvious now it isn’t & I just don’t get the weird attitude. It feels really disrespectful & like she has no boundaries & feels like she can say what she wants to me if that makes sense

She is being completely unreasonable. She's had 30 years to get used to it, and half of us are veggie these days, it's hardly anything weird.

Of course she is being unreasonable and you are not.

She's obviously very stuck in her ways. I'd buy her vegan chocs and then when opening them suggest you swap, you get to keep your vegan chocs and she can have her milk chocs back.

The disrespect and lack of boundaries makes sense. Some parents seem to think their children will grow up to be just like them and really resent any indication of individuality. If that’s the case in your situation I imagine there are other examples but it’s the response to your vegetarianism / veganism that particularly annoys you.

She’s completely unreasonable. But she’s probably never going to change. If you want to argue with her every time she says or does something inappropriate you can certainly do that. There’s something quite satisfying about starting every sentence with, “Since I’m 47 years old and able to make my own decisions, I remain committed to an animal-free diet...” or whatever works for you.

I think ignoring is probably better for emotional stability in the long term. But maybe you want to make your point a few times first?

I've been a vegetarian since 1974 and my mother could never except it. She also used to say the same things as your mum - "you used to like meat" & "try it you'll like it". Also, "It's not meat, it's tongue".

I live in another country from her and when I would visit her I wouldn't eat what she had cooked because she'd sneak meat into it. She told my adult life-long veggie son the sausages she cooked for him were vegetarian. He didn't believe her and got the wrapper out of the bin and it had PORK SAUSAGES written on it. Her plan was to have him eat them, ask him if he liked his dinner and then tell him he ate meat. "See, I knew you'd like meat".

She died this year.