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AIBU?

Child weight issues

64 replies

Twistables · 26/12/2019 02:02

How should I handle my dd's (12 years old) weight? She has always loved her food - she was way more excited by xmas dinner than any presents. My dh is really overweight and will be getting a gastric surgery soon. I've noticed my dd has a bigger tummy than she ought to. Aibu to tell her? I'm afraid she will suddenly become self conscious and she isn't at all yet. She reckons she looks slim. She is very active. The problem is portion control. This has always been a battle but, now she is 12, I just don't have as much control on this as I did previously. I need her to realise she can't eat like a horse without gaining weight. She keeps arguing- just like her father- that each specific instance is perfectly ok. I'm totally worn out by the constant fights over what she can or cannot eat.

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

90 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable
22%
You are NOT being unreasonable
78%
Fieldofgreycorn · 26/12/2019 22:48

I will 100% stand behind my claim that there is nothing wrong with being overweight. Overweight individuals can be healthy and fit, it depends on the individual.

You can be overweight and not necessarily have detectable health problems at any one particular point in time. But being overweight/ obese over time is unhealthy and more likely than not will cause health problems. It can directly cause or increase the risk of diabetes, heart disease, stroke, joint problems and cancers. You won’t necessarily know until it’s too late.

Sorry it’s hard to say that without coming across as preachy, but it’s important to challenge misinformation.
www.nhs.uk/conditions/obesity/

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ProfessionalBoss · 26/12/2019 22:50

@amusedbush I completely agree... I've been great friends with Ana since I was 12 years old, so 26 years for me, and when I feel like my "life" is out of control, then I relapse and control what I can, my food intake... When forced to eat/take nutrition, I've been known to behave like someone with bulimia and either abuse laxatives or induce vomiting... It's such a delicate age, which is why I asked that the original poster @Twistables please be careful...

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ProfessionalBoss · 26/12/2019 22:54

@Fieldofgreycorn I do NOT believe in bmi, and a number of health professionals are refusing to use that as its an outdated standard.

I've always been under weight until I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Now I'm slightly overweight due to the medications I take, and of course the reduced amount of exercise, but I'm not unhealthy due to my weight by any means, I havelow blood pressure, perfect blood sugars, and probably eat less than you in a day...

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Frozenfan2019 · 26/12/2019 22:58

I absolutely wouldn't tell her she has a belly. I would personally open a conversation about healthy weight and BMI, maybe in discussion about her dad. Then she can weigh herself and if she is overweight perhaps come to the conclusion herself. If she isn't then she has nothing to worry about and the belly you have noticed is irrelevant anyway. I would imagine she is from what you've said but obviously we don't know.

She is old enough to understand if she is overweight and begin to address this herself but will need your help. I would suggest things like cream and butter are no longer in your house at all. We are not health freaks but these are not staples in our home, just replace he with healthy low fat alternatives. If your DH objects tell him about your concerns about your DD and surely he will understand.

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Booboostwo · 26/12/2019 23:09

Fieldofgreycorn I think you would have a better understanding of what I said if you read all of it. The OP was stressed about her belly and her sister’s belly which seems to be part of their body shape and not necessarily indicative of obesity. in light of this I said there is nothing wrong with being overweight, that is, it is not in itself a moral issue. My next sentence said that excess weight is only a problem if it causes health issues or self-esteem issues. Some overweight people are healthy and happy, risks are just that: risks not certainties.

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Fieldofgreycorn · 27/12/2019 00:27

Boo I haven’t mentioned anything about ‘moral issues’. I’m sticking to the evidence.

You can say smoking only increases the risk, not a certainty. Some smokers are healthy and happy. Moderate obesity (extremely common) reduces life expectancy by 3 years. Severe obesity by 10 on average.

Professional BMI isn’t perfect, but it isn’t outdated. Still used by the majority of the NHS. I wasn’t talking about being ‘slightly overweight’. You’ve got other things going on and medication in the mix. Problem with population health is it doesn’t always apply to individuals just averages! Stay well and happy x

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UnrelentingFruitScoffer · 27/12/2019 00:32

Vegetables are the key. And making sure the portions are small.

If you want to get on top of this you are going to have to do the cooking yourself.

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Twistables · 27/12/2019 00:49

Cooking. All roads lead to me cooking. I'll do it . But God I hate it. Thanks everyone x

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Jenpop234 · 27/12/2019 01:02

I wouldn't mention it specifically. Just say you are all trying to be healthier. Cook healthy meals, only fruit or veg food snacks. Obviously no sugary drinks. Perhaps take up a new hobby like swimming together.

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Jenpop234 · 27/12/2019 01:06

@WellErrr sorry but you're so wrong. Obesity causes a shit load of health problems. It's a massive drain on the NHS and being fit doesn't counteract the damage done by carrying excessive fat. There is literally no research to support your claim. No, of course nobody should be made to feel bad for being obese but don't pretend it's good for you.

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Jenpop234 · 27/12/2019 01:09

@ProfessionalBoss BMI works for the vast majority of people. Unless you are very muscled, very tall. www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-43895508
It is used and recommend by the NHS.

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chipmunkcalling · 27/12/2019 02:23

I've gotta say, bmi is a load of rubbish for alot of people, for example, my son, he's classed as borderline overweight for his age, he's 8, and in age 7 clothes and they drown him, there nothing of him at all, if anything he looks like he's not been fed for a month as he's so active, he doesn't know how to sit still lol. My bmi at last check was 30.5, apparently obease, but at a small size 14 at that check and my midwife saying that I hold my weight well and don't look the "norm" for my bmi to be that high, and other health related factors that were checked at my booking appointment and since she has commented about being extremely good for someone of my bmi, I so you can have a high bmi and still be healthy. My partner also, average height, not much of him, but a bit of muscle as he has a very physical job, and he's classed as borderline overweight. It really doesn't take into account muscle mass, bone density and other factors.

Just because she has a bit of a belly doesn't mean she's an unhealthy weight. You're looking at it as body shape, which she might pick up on and then end up with body confidence issues later in life, the average person will not look like a swimsuit model, ever, that shape does not suit everyone. I have a friend, she's 5'8" and when she was the top end of the "ideal weight" for her height it made her look anorexic and very ill, she gained a couple of dress sizes, which then put her in the nearly obease section of the bmi chart, but she had a really nice body, which suited her.
Your dd has to find a shape she feels most comfortable in as well, don't pressure her into looking a certain way, she will pick up on it.

By all means help with getting healthier options in her normal diet, as this will help keep her healthy in the long run, and involve her in meal prep, and make it fun for all of you, but don't pressure her into anything.

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Booboostwo · 27/12/2019 06:44

Fieldofgreycorn it’s really difficult to have a meaningful discussion if you don’t read what I say.

Jenpop234 now that’s well understood...it’s all WellErrr ‘s fault. Xmas Grin

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WellErrr · 27/12/2019 07:26

Jenpop think you may need to go back and reread my posts...

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