To ask for a handhold because I'm sick and scared?

[Sickandscared]

I have been diagnosed with a cancer that is curable. I need a minimum of six months chemo and had my first round yesterday. I felt sick last night but ok today. Apparently I shouldn't feel effects for a few days.

I had an unrelated cancer six years ago. I made a full recovery.

I have had unbearable symptoms for nearly a year of all over (inside and out) extreme itching. Doctors repeatedly told me there was nothing wrong with me and proffered antihistamines despite me saying they wouldn't work. Eventually after I persevered and persevered a scan showed numerous masses on my body. The cancer is now advanced and recovery rates have dropped.

I just need a handhold. I'm so afraid. I have a sixteen month old baby and a partner who is great. I am early 40s. He is currently out of work, trying hard to fix this but no success so far.

I feel so anxious. I'm still itchy but hope it passes with the chemo. I don't want my hair to fall out (it will) and look in the mirror and not recognise myself, I don't want to go into menopause, I don't want to have six months minimum or feeling sick, I don't want to have complications, develop secondary cancer or not respond to the treatment and die. I don't want most of all to recover and then be back in next year (this was a somewhat common story i keep being told).

I know now wanting it to be happening isn't helpful because it is but I'm so upset right now.

Hugs to you OP.

Sending more love and strength your way. That sounds very tough, but there will be a day when things are easier and hopefully soon. Do try not to catastrophise. Practice relaxation and yoga. I sincerely hope you make a full recovery soon.

Good morning OP. I don't have any experience of this and so don't want to try to offer any advice in case it is misplaced but I wanted to say that I read your post, along with all of the replies and I feel for you hugely. I wish you all the best in your recovery

What courage it takes to open up and face all the feelings you've been writing. Your strength and courage will take you through it once again and leave you even stronger mentally and emotionally. Sending you all the positive energy I can share virtually and look forward to reading your posts in 6-9 months time telling us how you've conquered yet again a mountain that felt so unattainable at the start of the year.

i can understand you must be terrified i would be have you spoken to Macmillian or any local groups probably connected to the local hospice? they could discuss your worries and maybe help or have a day group you could talk to others then sending love and hugs to you xxx

Oh darling ❤️

I had a rare cancer with a zero recovery rate in our area, I’m still here 15 years later.
I had my time of being frightened (I too had young children and a wonderful DH) but then I decided to crack on and DO IT head on.
The shift in attitude really helped me on a day to day basis. I dealt with 6 months chemo as a mountain to be climbed, a day at a time, so no matter how shitty, I was one step further at the end of the day.

I don’t believe a positive mental attitude can cure cancer, but it can make the journey through it more bearable.
Wishing you well x

Best wishes to you OP.

You've got a lot to fight for. I'm holding your hand right now, you've done this before and won the battle, you sure as hell can do it again. Cancer will not want to mess with you again after this. Be an inspiration for your daughter because you HAVE to live. Be scared right now but find your inner strength and positive mindset and show the world how strong you are. Losing this battle isn't an option. I think cancer has picked the wrong person to fight with.

I know you have a tough path ahead my lovely, I'll be thinking of you. If you ever need to chat or a shoulder to cry on we are all here for you. X

I couldn't not post any thing, but sending you so much love and light. X

Thanks for all the replies.