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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are all kids obsessed with screens?

46 replies

Thelowquietsea · 25/12/2019 22:10

I have a 9 year old boy who drives me mad for the family ipad or his old Wii (which he just got this birthday, he's not had any devices).

We're controlled about how much time he gets on it (he also watches TV) but however much he gets, he wants more.

He's constantly asking for it. Today, at friends, he must have asked a dozen times.

I find it so depressing. Generally speaking, are most kids like this?

OP posts:

selmabear · 25/12/2019 23:22

My eldest can be be pretty bad sometimes. He has a lot of devises to play with. He doesn't really switch from one to the other, he goes though stages of playing with once device for a few weeks gets bored and picks up another device and so forth. And he is known to become grumpy and annoyed when he's told ti switch devices off. But he also does go out to play with his friends at any opportunity, he does well at school, he's incredibly well mannered and kind so I'm not overly concerned about how much screen time he gets.

bridgetreilly · 25/12/2019 23:29

You need to start putting an end to the constant whining and asking for more by setting consequences for it. Every time they ask for screens beyond their agreed time, they lose time the following day.

AndAnon · 25/12/2019 23:30

Nope, maybe depends on the child.

My 7yo has her own iPad, Switch and an iPhone (old one with no credit so it’s more of a camera and mini iPad in functionality). She has unrestricted access to these and the TV. She can easily go several days without touching any of them. She is very into books and prefers to read and do crafts and plays quite a lot with toys. Today she got a new game she requested but hasn’t opened it but has done lots of Lego. If she had been more inclined to be a screen addict she wouldn’t have so many devices and unrestricted use of them, but perhaps that’s why she isn’t screen obsessed.

Our 4yo DS also has his own iPad and can have it whenever he asks but again he rarely does, he prefers to play with his trains or out in the garden. He has never been a big one for TV or the Switch either.

I’m probably lucky, we are laid back about screen usage but only because we can be as they don’t seem bothered. But maybe they aren’t bothered as it’s not a thing they have to ask for. They did play the ipads a lot the first few weeks they had them (4th and 5th birthdays) but the novelty wore off very quickly.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 25/12/2019 23:35

I have two teen boys, and I’m generally very relaxed about screens. Their downtime is their downtime kind of thing. Ds1 is 17 now, and moving out for uni after the summer. He actually thanked me not that long ago for the attitude I had, and giving him the opportunity to self regulate. I do think with ds2, I need to help him find a type of exercise he enjoys (ds1 has always trained twice a week at a sport), but that’s more from a health perspective than an anti screens one. The family I knew with the most conflict and whining about screens? The mum who was super strict with her son, but on them all the time herself. And I would wonder why she bought him the shiny new console, then didn’t let him play it 🤷‍♀️ I do think leaving it as late as possible to introduce wee ones to tablets etc is a good idea though.

DonutMan · 25/12/2019 23:37

IME, most are. But adult use had hugely gone through the roof too since the advent of smartphones. But it's also situational. They're less likely to pester for it if there's something else to distract them like a ping pong table, as opposed to sitting listening to adults talk.

mrsp2009 · 26/12/2019 01:35

My almost 13 year old DD is like this. We gave her a phone in year 6 as she was walking to and from school alone and assumed the novelty of it would wear off - it hasn’t. Given the choice she would spend the whole day on her phone flicking through insta / tick tock / FaceTiming friends. We subscribed to the OurPact app in the end which allows us to block certain apps (eg social media when at school) and schedule screen time allowance otherwise she would be on it all day. I’ve spoken to her friends parents and it’s a common problem unfortunately

Durgasarrow · 26/12/2019 05:05

We were very strict about screens when the kids were little. We didn't allow them to watch TV during the week, only Saturday morning before we woke up and occasional video nights. No game boys or computer games. No computer or cell phones until they were teenagers. They moaned a little about how we were the "Amish parents," but now that they're grown-up, they like how they were raised (of course they tell long stories of how 'deprived' they were to their friends!)

Original poster

Thelowquietsea · 26/12/2019 07:13

Sorry, maybe I haven't been clear. We have very strict rules around screen time. He has 2 x half hours in the week after school (no screen ever before) and 2 hours at the weekend.

It was his birthday recently (9) and we got him an old, secondhand Wii with the old games on. We let him have a few days to play himself out on it (as in far more time than usual) and it was never enough.

And yesterday, whilst at friends for Xmas, he just kept asking and asking. His friend, who is the son of our friends, is a year younger andf far less bothered by it, never asked so it was illuminated even more.

It's our main battleground and I fear that his and my relationship will really be damaged by the conflict generated around it.

OP posts:

AlaskanOilBaron · 26/12/2019 07:46

My 14 year old is still fairly obsessive, but my 17 year old has moved out of it almost entirely and has spent most of the holiday reading.

Youngest is at boarding school where they have strictly controlled screens, so we have a lot of ambivalence about how much time he should spend on his computer at home.

runninguphills · 26/12/2019 07:47

My 2 older children weren't that interested in screen/ipads/computer games. I've never had to regulate it.

When I had my 3rd child - I carried on being relaxed and not regulating it as 1. It's never been a problem 2. I was busy with 3 children who were very close age

My youngest has completely gotten pulled into the screen thing and is now addicted whilst my eye was off the ball (he's now 8).

I've reduced it - he has to wait until 6pm to go online for an hour and I have to spend a lot of time distracting him.

It worries me.

AlaskanOilBaron · 26/12/2019 07:51

9 is a tough age for video games, it's easy for them to perceive them as their whole world.

In my experience, it will get better, but only with a continuous emphasis on cultivating/rewarding other interests.

bridgetreilly · 26/12/2019 10:45

OP, that's why you now need to also start being strict about the asking. The more he asks, the less screen time he will get. Saying no and being strict about the screen time is good, but he also needs to learn to stop nagging, so start being strict about that too.

Serin · 26/12/2019 11:02

Meh, I'm not that worried TBH.
In the past parents moaned about kids reading books. I can remember my own mum trying to prise me away from Enid Blyton.
One of ours has always been fascinated by tech, we used to drag him away on long hikes etc but you could tell his heart wasnt in it.
He is now forging a fantastic career in IT.

BlaueLagune · 26/12/2019 11:33

Mine is but I think most adults are too.

IndecentFeminist · 26/12/2019 11:37

Phases tbh. We've had times when they want to watch all the time, times when they're not interested. Minecraft is the current love, which I don't mind too much.

At this time of year they naturally gravitate towards that kind of thing. Come spring when the weather improves they defect outdoors.

HildaRumpole · 26/12/2019 12:57

What parent has ever moaned about kids reading books ?? Blimey. And I used to read so much I would forget that you can’t read when you take your eyes off the page...🙈

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2019 12:59

I think a lot of kids are obsessed but then their parents tend not to lead by example.

phlebasconsidered · 26/12/2019 13:10

Nope! My 12y0 ds does have a ps4 but today he was up at 6 and out in the rain carp fishing - not back yet!
Most of my class are obsessed but the ones who do better are the ones with other interests as well.

Charles11 · 26/12/2019 15:32

I have to be strict about my dcs gaming time rather than screen time. I think tv is usually fine but gaming has a hold over them and can get addictive.
It confuses their emotions and makes them aggressive which I think from reading somewhere, is linked to the adrenaline rush. It also holds them back when all their down time is spent gaming.
I don’t allow any gaming during the weekday.
They don’t ask for it at all as it’s a habit now. They just get on with other things.

Indie139 · 26/12/2019 17:51

My 9 year old is like this too. She would sit watching stuff all day if i let her. Ive had to restrict time but she always goes back on without permission. So now once time is up i hide all screens! She has my mums old phone plus a tablet. The tablet is currently lost as i forgot where i hid it

Original poster

Thelowquietsea · 27/12/2019 07:10

Yes, I think habit is key. Habits during term time are clear. it's over holidays where it all gets more tricky, amongst others/guests - and especially around older children who have far less restrictions.

God, I hate it. I really do.

OP posts:

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