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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect better table manners?

19 replies

Dollymixture22 · 25/12/2019 19:32

I hosted a family Christmas meal and am just a bit annoyed at the lack of table manners from adult guests.

I set out the starters (cold) and was calling everyone to be settled. An adult relative sat down and ate his before most people were even seated. He then proceeded to check his phone constantly and read out messages he thought we would want to hear - many from people we don’t know.

Two other guests started eating the main course while I was still bringing out the plates, meaning they had full forks while we were having a pre meal toast!

Another guest repeatedly talked with his mouth full which was really off putting.

I put a huge amount of effort into hosting this email and am annoyed family members couldn’t show basic respect. Am I old fashioned? These relatives are in their fifties and sixties.

OP posts:

OhTheRoses · 25/12/2019 19:35

Nope. MIL who is in her 80s has been counting food. It irks doesn't it

Cauliflowerpower · 25/12/2019 19:36

Why didn't you tell them to wait? That's so rude

Pegase · 25/12/2019 19:36

That would infuriate me

Cauliflowerpower · 25/12/2019 19:37

Not that you should have to tell them. Not like they're 4 years old...

Original poster

Dollymixture22 · 25/12/2019 19:38

I told the children to wait thinking the adults would take the home. I was told by a five year old that he knew he had to wait. The adults carried on.

OP posts:

Arthritica · 25/12/2019 19:40

You wait for everyone to be seated and recieve their food unless specifically told otherwise.

No phones at the table.

I can't believe someone over 18 needs to be told this!

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 25/12/2019 19:41

I don’t know.. when I was growing up, the rule was that nobody started eating until everyone was seated (food was plated in the kitchen if that’s relevant). When I married ex dh, his family served at the table, and you were expected to start as soon as you were served, which I found weird, but it was their norm, and if anything you were considered rude if you sat waiting (as you were letting your food grow cold).
So it certainly isn’t universal manners to wait.

CurlyMango · 25/12/2019 19:41

We had people talking with mouths full. Not using serving cutlery but stabbing items with their own fork. Groans about items. Little conversation....come on. And one whom wanted tea throughout. When cooking the rest making lots of tea for one is a pain.

ImADadButThatsOKIsntIt · 25/12/2019 19:43

I’ve had this in the past when hosting DW’s family, they’re half way through their meal before DW and I have sat down. One reason no family this year

FudgeBrownie2019 · 25/12/2019 19:44

Oh I don't know, we have two DC and their table manners are better than most I know (and that's not me tooting my own horn - they're also a bit ridiculous on a frequent basis). I find older people in our family have fewer table manners than younger ones.

Okbutno · 25/12/2019 19:50

I would hope so but my family are the same. You can't really pull other adults up on their table manners though. (well I would my dp)

busybarbara · 25/12/2019 20:01

To be fair we were playing a game of calling random people from our contact directories and seeing who would bother to pick up while we were eating Christmas dinner

maddiemookins16mum · 25/12/2019 20:03

YANBU, I’d expect them to know better.

CarolinaPink · 25/12/2019 20:05

Talking with mouth full is tge one that really pusses me off. Horrible.

NataliaOsipova · 25/12/2019 20:05

I remember cooking Christmas dinner for my in laws. They’d eaten half of theirs before I’d finished bringing in all the serving dishes. It’s so rude - like you’re the under scullery maid rather than the host....

hidinginthenightgarden · 25/12/2019 20:06

My inlaws came for dinner and did the same. By the time me and DH had finished serving and sat down, there was no gravy left so I had to get up and make some more.
At least they thanked us afterwards though.

Okbutno · 25/12/2019 20:56

@busybarbara that sounds lovely and kind?!

TulipsTulipsTulips · 25/12/2019 21:00

I can’t bear people looking at their phones during a meal. I would have been seething but it’s difficult (for me) to say anything unless it’s my own family.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 25/12/2019 21:02

YANBU bad table manners are quite disgusting.

Everyone waits until everyone is seated before eating.

Everyone thanks the cook/host and says a variation on “this looks delicious” before eating.

No elbows on the table

No phones at the table

No talking with food in your mouth.

No asking questions of people who have food in their mouth.

Everyone compliments the cook on the lovely food.

Everyone waits to be offered seconds (rather than just taking)

Everyone thanks the cook when they’ve finished.

Everyone stays and chats until the last person is finished.

The cook does NOT wash up!

^thems the rules. Not difficult. Everyone should know them.

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