Present giving

[Sunny3621]

Myself and my hubby spent time and quite a bit of money on my bro in law and sis in law and our nephews Xmas presents. I was quite shocked to discover that they got my son absolutely nothing which I am very annoyed at. They didn’t get anything for myself or my hubby either but what upsets me more is the fact that we’ve went out and individually picked out all four presents for them and they can’t buy my son a lousy thing! This isn’t the first time they’ve done something like this, on my son birthday a few years ago - my nephew had his b/day party (as his b/day is the day before) and invited us along. My hubby and son went and gave my nephew a present, wished my son a happy birthday and didn’t reciprocate, not even a card!!! It’s not like they’ve money as they have plenty. My point is though it’s the principle. I suppose I’m looking for advice on what to do, what would you do? Hurt me is one thing, but not my son! Please advise?

No more presents for them then! Put your foot down with your husband.

Do you always give just to receive? I'm with your DH on this.

Is it his brother? Maybe sil is making him do the presents and he can't be bothered. I would nip it in the bud and free the money to spend on your little family. I would have the conversation though. Once the dc get a bit older it is hard to know what to spend on them and you end up with stuff which isn't used which is just a waste.

Just stop giving presents if it disturbs you that much, they're hardly going to moan you didnt get them something when they dont do presents either.

Personally, I dont give presents to get them back but I do understand everyone is different.

Sounds like they’re sending out a message that they don’t want to exchange gifts with you anymore. I’d try to clarify this ahead of next Xmas - not passive aggressively, just ‘Would it be ok with you if we don’t do presents?’
I don’t really agree with PP who are saying ‘you don’t give to receive’ etc - this might be ok if it didn’t bother you, but it obviously does. If the same thing happens next Xmas you run the risk of more awkwardness and resentment, which is avoidable.

Sounds like they are trying to drop a hint that they want to stop the gift giving. If they have not given presents in a previous occasion they they could be wondering why you are still buying and not mirroring their actions, just as much as you are wondering why they are not reciprocating yours.

I would stop buying, save money and the planet, easy!

Next year buy them pounds hop gifts & don't get so emotionally invested. This your dh will feel he's done his duty of buying gifts. Plus when they don't thank you, you won't be so bothered because you spent £1 buying shit gifts to match their shit reactions.

The fault lies partly with both of you, you spent £££ knowing they won't even thank you for it. I would have spent the absolute bare minimum in your position, a tin of roses & boardgame from poundshop.

I would also call them out on it politely in front of relatives ilat the next family gathering. Ask them if they liked their Christmas gift of x as you hadn't heard from them you weren't sure if they liked it or not. That way you force them to acknowledge in front of all that they've received gifts from you.

Do you always give with the expectation of getting back, or do you do it because you actually want to give them gifts?

did your DS have a party they attended?

Honestly for birthdays we only gift/card if we get invited to things really, seems fairly standard around here. It would be bizarre and awkward for everyone if the birthday boy at his own party was gifting to one guest, expecting it would be deemed rude.

for xmas my brother has never bought me or my kids presents, I dont care though he a good person in general and helps us out often with odd jobs I cant do etc... and I gift him because I like too not because we expect it in return.

They are CF. Tell DH they are CF.

I'd have to have it out with them - that's pretty blatant! Ask them outright - "Are we not doing presents anymore then? Wish you'd said something BEFORE Xmas or we wouldn't have spent all that money on you guys."

On my sons birthday he attended my nephews birthday party (nephews birthday was the day before but cos it fell on a weekday they had the party on the Saturday, fair play) but my son and husband showed up at the party with a card and present (as you do) and my sil and bil wished my son a happy birthday but didn’t give him a card or present. I don’t give to receive, I honestly don’t but that was so insensitive. I don’t give a toss about presents for me or my other half - we’re adults and it doesn’t matter about us but because of how this happened and it’s my child, it’s a sore one. I would rather just give my nephews as it’s not their fault their parents are inconsiderate people.