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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want friend to stay over

23 replies

Mystiquesummer · 25/12/2019 18:25

I haven't really spoken to her for about a month. She's just messaged today saying "Hey, can I crash at yours one night next week ?"

The problem is, I am in financial trouble at the moment. I haven't yet asked her what it's for, but if i'm hosting someone it will mean providing meals and entertaining her.

I have about £165 pounds until January 15th, for food, transport, any other expenses, and as much as I can of it on repaying debts, and I have zero savings.

Am I being unreasonable to turn her away ? I have got 1-2 engagements with friends before then which will literally consist of me buying one drink because I cannot afford much more. I'm luckily off work and staying with parents which is helping at the moment.

She might say oh no you don't have to pay for me etc. But I hardly think she will want to come here and eat the very basic cheap staples that i'm eating. I feel like it's bad though to say no. Should I just let her ?

OP posts:

DragonUdders · 25/12/2019 18:28

Soz, friend, that's not possible.

Newnamewhodis1 · 25/12/2019 18:29

If she's a friend why don't you say 'it would be lovely to see you. totally skint though so we'll have to eat from the freezer!' it's only one night and if she's a mate surely you don't have to host too hard?

Original poster

Mystiquesummer · 25/12/2019 18:30

I know £165 might seem OK for 1 person for 3 weeks, but I need to try and pay debts as well as save something out of it too.

OP posts:

Newnamewhodis1 · 25/12/2019 18:30

In terms of social activities, having a friend crashing over, maybe going for a walk and eating an oven pizza and watching a dvd is as cheap as it gets?

BaolFan · 25/12/2019 18:30

Message her back and say that you have a bug at the moment and therefore aren't up to hosting anyone.

It gets you off the hook without having to go into detail about finances.

Original poster

Mystiquesummer · 25/12/2019 18:31

Yeah true I could. I think it's also that she's gotten in touch just like that as she needs something.

OP posts:

DukeChatsworth · 25/12/2019 18:31

Just say no can do next week. It’s simple.

IdblowJonSnow · 25/12/2019 18:33

It sounds like you just don't want them to stay which is fine for whatever reason. I'd say it's not a good time/you're ill etc.

redcarbluecar · 25/12/2019 18:33

If you had more money would you want to see her, or are you not really bothered about her coming over anyway?
If you would like to see her, you could say I’d love you to come over but I’m skint - would you mind if we chatted / had a basic meal (or whatever) but didn’t go out? (As the friend in this scenario I reckon I’d bring a bottle of wine over and be happy just to chat).
If you don’t think that’ll suit her, or you don’t really want her to come, you could say no and that you’ll catch up with her for a shorter time or in the new year.

Original poster

Mystiquesummer · 25/12/2019 18:34

I think it's also because she's going on a date round here and wants somewhere to stay, rather than wanting to see me. (she's done that before). I can't say it's that for sure but it's the way she's worded it as needing somewhere to crash rather than coming for me.

OP posts:

redcarbluecar · 25/12/2019 18:36

PS; Don’t pretend to be ill, especially if a firm arrangement hasn’t even been made!

billy1966 · 25/12/2019 18:38

OP,
Don't stress about this.

Text her "Sorry, that doesn't suit". No explanation.

Sounds like you are a convenient bed for her.
Perfectly reasonable for you to say Nope.

Don't give it any further thought.

💐

gamerchick · 25/12/2019 18:38

Christ man. Message back with one word.

NO.

Job done.

Original poster

Mystiquesummer · 25/12/2019 18:41

I've just told her that I can't sorry, and she was fine with it so that's good !

OP posts:

churchandstate · 25/12/2019 18:49

I don’t think having not spoken to someone for a month is a big deal at all. But if you don’t want her to stay, you don’t. Say no.

churchandstate · 25/12/2019 18:50

And some of the suggestions here of how to reply to a mate who asks (politely) if they can stay over are plain rude.

Cheeserton · 25/12/2019 18:53

If this is a 'friend' then why on earth don't you be completely honest and talk it through?? Can't understand all the suggestions to make excuses or just refuse (the latter is slightly more understandable to be fair...).

MissMoan · 25/12/2019 19:00

Great news OP. You never have to justify your reasons. Just say 'no' without explanation.

Cheeserton · 25/12/2019 19:03

You never have to justify your reasons. Just say 'no' without explanation.

Of course that's true, but you also don't have to treat friends like they've done something wrong asking nicely for a wee favour when they've done nothing wrong at all. Real friends I believe would just explain honestly why.

churchandstate · 25/12/2019 19:06

Just say 'no' without explanation.

If you want to have no friends.

Newnamewhodis1 · 25/12/2019 19:08

I'm with you @churchandstate! So many mumsnetters give answers like this, and so many complain of having no or crap friends! I wonder what the crossover is...

breakfastpizza · 25/12/2019 19:11

I must be a terrible host because I never feed my guests, beyond coffee, tea, help yourself to whatever's in the fridge. Usually they take ME out to say thank you.

Cheeserton · 25/12/2019 20:28

Glad to hear some like-minded comments. Ridiculous rudeness to just dismiss everything with flat refusal and rudeness. Very shit friends would do that.

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