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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To climb in to bed and sleep the rest of this day away?

42 replies

Platypusmama · 25/12/2019 15:29

Dd is 17months. I put a lot of thought into planning for today, getting her gifts she would (I thought) love. I know she’s still wee but I wanted to start the magical train off early.

It has been a disaster. Tantrum after tantrum, wanting to be held the whole day, which I gladly do but I was trying to get everything ready to head to my mums for dinner and of course OH is a useless twat busy doing other stuff and unable to help. She missed her nap because we’ve been rushing around and was overstimulated, overtired, I ended up having to cancel on my mum and she’s now snoozing away happily while I try not to cry.

Every year it’s the same. Mad excitement about how the day will be Oh so magical but it always ends up being shit. oh is such a moody twat, he started the day off shouting at me and then was in a mood because no one messaged him merry Christmas, even though I did, his mum did, his dad etc. We’re obviously not special enough.

God. First world problems I know, but I feel utterly defeated. Please tell me this is all because dd is too young and overtired? I don’t want to believe that I’m a crap mum but I sure do feel it.

OP posts:

peachgreen · 25/12/2019 15:33

Your OH sounds like an absolute arse to be honest which definitely can't be helping. But yes, your DD is too young. Mine is not much older and we had a similar morning - she's overtired and over stimulated and was a right old pain! I have to say I did think to myself how much better Christmas was pre-children! But that won't be the case forever - this time next year the magic will start, I reckon. If it helps, DD has just woken up from an epic nap and is in a much better mood so hopefully that will happen with your DD too.

FilledSoda · 25/12/2019 15:34

I feel worse for your mum to be honest .
Could your dd not have had a nap in your mum's house ?
How many is your mum hosting today ?
Won't your absence make an impact ?

userxx · 25/12/2019 15:35

It's just a day like all the others, just don't build up the bullshit next year.

churchandstate · 25/12/2019 15:36

No, it sounds like your OH is a tool, though.

NeedAnExpert · 25/12/2019 15:39

in a mood because no one messaged him merry Christmas, even though I did, his mum did, his dad etc. We’re obviously not special enough

WTAF?! Why message someone that’s in the same house?!

Soubriquet · 25/12/2019 15:42

I always remember how excited I was when my two were little

They were never as excited and usually overstimulated and grumpy because routine was broken.

It’s nicer this year.

Last year, poor ds, was 3 at the time, had to have help to open his gifts and then he went straight back to bed because he was tired and grumpy.

He’s 4 now and much more enthusiastic

Trews2019 · 25/12/2019 15:42

Why did you cancel going to your mum’s?

7Worfs · 25/12/2019 15:43

The magical train

You are the architect of your own disappointment. It’s a day to spend with the family, relaxing and having a bit of fun, nothing more.

Your OH however is a disrespectful twat, and I suspect that’s any day of the year. It’s your most pressing issue.

Celebelly · 25/12/2019 15:44

I wouldn't have cancelled going to your mum's! Sometimes a change of scene works wonders, plus more people to entertain so you can have a break!

thewinkingprawn · 25/12/2019 15:47

I mean this kindly but you are setting yourself up for disappointment. As a PP said, it’s a day to spend with people you want to spend it with, have a nice meal and a bit of fun. There is nothing magic about it, kids are kids, they will bicker, tantrum etc regardless of day. I too feel sorry for your mum - it’s only nearly 4pm - can you not pop over now and put your DD down there?

PumpkinPie2016 · 25/12/2019 15:52

Your daughter is too young to get it really. My son is 6 now and it's so much nicer than when he was a baby (though we didn't make too much fuss when he was young).

It was a shame to cancel on your mum though- she'll have gone to a lot of trouble preparing things and your daughter could have napped on the way or while she was there.

Original poster

Platypusmama · 25/12/2019 15:53

My mum is Fine, she has my nephew sister and brother, it was a last minute plan to go over there anyway. I would have let dd nap there but it’s a 50 minute walk and she never naps in the pram. I was literally about to cave my own head in with dds high pitched screeching, I had to just put her down for a bf and nap. I’m not a shouty mum, but have to be honest that’s the closest I’ve gotten to telling her off! I knew if I didn’t move her into a calm situation I would have ended up shouting and I don’t want that for her ever.

Thank you for all the similar stories! Feeling much better about it. God, it’s nothing like the films is it! I could barely sleep last night because I was so excited to see her face light up! She couldn’t have cared less Hoping she wakes up in a happier mood so we can have a lovely evening.

OH being twat is a common occupancy, though he won’t admit it. It’s a cultural thing I think, he is just very abrupt and loves to pass opinion without offering any help. Hoping all of your Christmas’ are going lovely

OP posts:

Original poster

Platypusmama · 25/12/2019 15:54

Occurrence not occupancy

OP posts:

Kittykat93 · 25/12/2019 15:57

God at that age she has no idea and probably doesn't care about gifts. My son is 26 months and even he was a bit meh about all the presents and he's not very well so has been very clingy and upset. Lower your expectations and go to your mums.

UnnecessarilyUpset · 25/12/2019 15:59

Mine are 3.5 And 5 and this Christmas has been the best yet! They kept looking outside last night wondering whether they say a plane or Santa in his sleigh

My 3 year old was more excited to see that Santa and the reindeer had eaten their snacks we left out for them than she was the presents!

mamma536 · 25/12/2019 16:02

Much sympathy from me! DS is 2.5. We bought some lovely presents but as expected he didn't show much interest and just wanted to destroy everything. The whole morning DH and I were just trying to cope with getting him through his routine and open the presents. At midday we sent a message to my mum and dad asking if it was a good time to call and when we didn't hear back we just got on with things. 3h later she messaged back saying she and my dad had been waiting the whole morning for our call, making us feel like sh*t. When we called later in the evening DS' mood turned so we had to hang up after 5 mins. I can't decide if we're being self-centered trying to stick to our routine or we should have just abandoned it for the sake of calling my parents because on a good day we're already exhausted.

mamma536 · 25/12/2019 16:05

I agree about lowering expectations. Ours are just to make today a little bit more social than a regular day, but not try to do too much, and to be flexible. Christmas meal had to be swapped out at the last minute for something else, but I don't care, I just wanted a meal at a normal time for DS.

mamma536 · 25/12/2019 16:05

*special not social

Megan2018 · 25/12/2019 16:12

I have a 14 week old, we have opted to spend today just the three of us and tbh it is just another (fairly hard) day.
DD in the start of leap 4 and uber clingy, did a poonami that saturated her Xmas day dress and had to bath her which led to a screaming melt down. Not taken a single photo, not spent any time together as DH has been in the kitchen and I’ve spent the day with a screaming baby. Ate my cold dinner one handed and can’t even get drunk! No magic here!!

But its just a day, we are so happy to have her and there are plenty more years of magic to come

VisionQuest · 25/12/2019 16:12

Ok so last year was horrendous if that makes you feel any better. DS, then 3.5 was AWFUL all day, tantrumming, screaming. We didn't bother having Xmas dinner, the whole day was a write off.

This year has been really lovely. I don't think you can expect too much 'magic' until they're 4.5+ (in my experience anyway)

However, your partner certainly hasn't helped matters. You could have laughed through it together but he has clearly made things a lot worse than they needed to be.

I'm sure your DD will be back on form over the next few days. So just enjoy the Xmas period rather than focussing on the day itself

Thesearmsofmine · 25/12/2019 16:24

Aww yes she is too little to get it. Give it a couple more years.
With my 3dc this has been the best year so far)they are 9, 7 and nearly 4), they are all at the stage of believing in the magic and they were all so excited this morning and have been fantastic all day. l aim for a pretty relaxed day and it puts less pressure on everyone.

Can you go to your mums this evening? If she has had a late nap going out for a while will probably be a good idea and tire her out.

ACouchOfOnesOwn · 25/12/2019 16:24

I think the bigger problem is your OH rather than your DD. He's an adult and he's deliberately trying to sabotage the day.

Go for a nap whilst your DD is sleeping (if you can) and then go visit your DM. Christmas doesn't need to be miserable or a big production. You can find a lowkey but enjoyable middle ground.

TheMustressMhor · 25/12/2019 16:35

Don't beat yourself up OP.

Just try really hard to stick to your child's routine next year. Toddlers cannot cope unless they get their naps and meals at the same time.

And a 17 month old child doesn't understand Christmas at all.

Sorry your OH has been a bastard. and and

Witchend · 25/12/2019 16:42

At 17 months all she knows is things are different and she doesn't know how to process the emotions. That's why she's tantruming.
Next year manage expectations. She'll be old enough to have some knowledge but make it not too much a build up.
Decorate the Christmas tree together, see Santa, talk about the stocking, say you're going to see Granny... but don't make too much of it. Don't put the Christmas tree up on the 1st and expect her to keep the excitement up. By the 25th it'll seem like it was always there to her. Don't keep asking her if she's excited, looking forward to it, or she'll feel too much expectancy on her.
And don't worry if she only wants to open one present on the day and doesn't want to eat much dinner and is scared of crackers going bang! Do it at her pace and let her. I think when dd1 was 2yo she was still opening presents into January as she liked to open one and play with it thoroughly before the next. It didn't matter, although we did have to let a couple of people know that thank you letters would be late.

For your OH who was he expecting to message? I can get the hurt by someone not messaging, as one year all my family was together and I was at the IL, which they knew I wasn't looking forward to. I messaged them early on Christmas day, which them a Happy Christmas and said I hope the day went well, and received nothing back until Boxing Day evening when I got one gushing about what a lovely time they were having together. That hurt.

Notsure94 · 25/12/2019 16:44

Your kid is just a tired toddler. Kids only really get into the spirit of Xmas at 4 or 5 (and then they realise Santa's not real around 9 or 10)! She's just too little to register anything like that at the moment. I agree this is more an OP problem.

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