To hate my mum..

[FloppyBiffAndChip]

Grrrr..... She's so miserable.

So every year we alternate - with my mum one year (usually at my house) and the in laws the next.

Mum is more than welcome at the in laws anytime but hates them so that cant happen.

We r at the in laws this year, and I was worried mum'd feel a bit lonely and left out (her own doing, but anyway I love her and care so...) So I arranged for my mum and my siblings (who are at respective in laws this year) to get together on the weekend (we get back from in laws Friday night and it's a plane away, so couldn't do sooner) for a christmas lunch. I'm cooking and hosting, so nothing for my mum to do. She just needs to relax and enjoy and we r happy to get her whatever she wants etc ...

Anyway, I texted her happy Christmas this morning and I've just phoned her to wish her a happy Christmas and she sounded so bloody miserable and said 'im probably not coming on Saturday, I'll just drop your presents and go'. I tried to reassure her saying how much we all wanted her there and it wouldn't be the same without her etc... But she so sounded so angry. She always is angry, no reason, she's probably invented something in her head that I've done ... Anyway, I wished her happy Christmas and hope to see her Saturday.

She ALWAYS tries to ruin good times and I'm sick of it. She cried on my wedding day for fucks sake, making it all about her. I bend over backwards for her and she is always so hostile in return

Anyway...rant over. Thanks for that!

Grrrrr

Jeez OP, I empathise. And sadly I also know that with people like this, you cannot ever win. Best just to be bright and breezy with her ('Ok, well it's a shame you won't be with us on Saturday but it's your decision') and don't buckle to her guilt-tripping.

Mate, your mum is a nasty twat.

It is what it is, you sound lovely. You don’t ever have to see her again if you don’t want to. You can just engage up to a point then back off when she starts trying to emotionally manipulate you.

It’s your life, you don’t belong to her

I honestly could believe this was me who had written this post.
My mum, no matter how hard people try, is never happy. She is insanely jealous of other people and nothing I do is good enough.

It was IL's turn this year, she knew full well it was, but she still got all her digs in. Even though she stayed at ours Xmas eve overnight so could see DD open presents.

She's going to be fuming next year because we're having Xmas at home just the 3 of us and the dogs - no visitors and no visiting!

She's going to be fuming next year because we're having Xmas at home just the 3 of us and the dogs - no visitors and no visiting!

The best kind of xmas.

It's a shit time of year for travelling, and there's another eleven months of the year to visit family. Gave up doing the xmas visiting thing ten years ago and haven't regretted it (mum admitted once that she wish'd she'd done the same when we were kids).

Mate, your mum is a nasty twat

This. I'd look on amazon at books about "dealing with difficult people" lots of great techniques there. Grey rock technique is good. People like your mum are looking for a reaction, thats what they want- to get an emotional outburst which means they've achieved their goal, it means they've "won". Its pathetic really.

Your mum sounds so much like my mum. Mines a right martyr with a victim complex. Everyone is out to get her apparently.

Nothing helpful to offer but just to say you are not alone

She's fucking dire OP. Well done on recognising it and working at initiating healthy boundaries.

People like this think that they have birthed little versions of themselves, mini-mes, who they expect to fall into perpetual emotional labouring service to them.

They're often toxicly envious of absolutely everyone - including you - and will never, ever be happy for the health and good fortune of anyone but themselves not that that they would admit good health and fortune as that's not whinging and elicits no sympathy.

Ahh thanks everyone x well at least I'm not alone, though sad that others are going through the same. I've had some prosecco, white wine and chocolate, so things seem a bit better now!

Thanks for the tips and support