Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features


Husband disappointed with present

26 replies

Starfish27 · 24/12/2019 21:10

AIBU I lost my job in September and have been working temporary since. I've had 4 days all of December. We had to open presents tonight and my husband didn't like his. He told me he wanted nothing so I filled a stocking with toiletries and novelty gifts then made a token book with flights to London, cinema date, dinner date and jokey things. He seemed very disappointed that it wasn't an actual present. I asked what else he wanted and was told nothing as if he wants something he just buys it himself. AIBU thinking this was a good idea?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

murasaki · 24/12/2019 21:12

Sounds lovely to me, we occasionally do 'vouchers for stuff and it always goes down well.


littlepaddypaws · 24/12/2019 21:12

what a shit he really is !


AnotherEmma · 24/12/2019 21:13

Well he's an ungrateful sod.
What amazingly thoughtful and generous present did he give you, then?


2020BetterBeBetter · 24/12/2019 21:14

I think it’s one of those things some people really like and others don’t. It’s the same as spa or experience days that some people hate and others enjoy.

I wouldn’t like it. I don’t think it was kind of him to say anything since he told you he didn’t want a present though.


PityParty4one · 24/12/2019 21:20

He said he didn't want or need anything.

At least you actually put some thought in to it.
By the way the token book is fab and I would love it...I will also steal the idea.


gothefcktosleep · 24/12/2019 21:20

He’s being a childish shit. It’s a lovely thoughtful present. Don’t let him spoil the day for you xx


80sstyle · 24/12/2019 21:21

So what did he get for you?


1Morewineplease · 24/12/2019 21:22

What a silly man.


anxioussue · 24/12/2019 21:24

If my wife had lost her job and then did a token book with flights to London I'd be thinking well I've got to pay for those. It's a nice idea but not really a present from you.


Starfish27 · 24/12/2019 21:26

He did great and got me a trip away for my birthday/ christmas and jewellery. I think it was more he was expecting something more tangible like I usually get him and this was different.

OP posts:

Pieceofpurplesky · 24/12/2019 21:26

What amazing things did he get you then op?


WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 24/12/2019 21:26

So he said he wanted nothing, you gave him something that you put a lot of thought into and reckoned he might like - and he made it clear that he was disappointed? He couldn't even say thank you graciously for your thought and effort, even if he wasn't too fussed by what it was?

I really wouldn't bother at all next year.


RedskyAtnight · 24/12/2019 21:32

Going against the grain here - if I tell people I don't want a present, I don't want a present. If they ignore me and get me a present anyway, they need to be 200% sure that it is something I really want.

You ignored his request, bought something he didn't want and then expect him to be grateful. I'd be annoyed too.

I don't understand why gift givers say "they put a lot of thought into" choosing a gift. The proof that you put a lot of thought into it, is that the recipient actually likes it, not that you think they should like it.


hifolks · 24/12/2019 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 24/12/2019 22:22

Tbh, if you are going to buy toiletries and novelty stuff then you may as well have put some thought into buying one or two larger items that he would have really liked. As for the token book, well flights to London? Hiw do you pay for that if you aren't working, who pays the accommodation when you are there, who pays the cinema tickets, the petrol etc. A gift should never cost the recipient anything unless they have asked for vouchers towards something or a piece that is part of a collection.


apacketofcrisps · 24/12/2019 22:29

Will you be able to come through on the London flights?


bridgetreilly · 24/12/2019 22:31

Well, if he didn't like it, it wasn't a great gift for him. But it sounds like you tried hard with not much to go on - either in terms of money to spend or ideas of what he wants.

I wouldn't take it personally, OP. Some people are just a nightmare to get presents for and are never thrilled with whatever you do get them.


Frozenfan2019 · 24/12/2019 22:32

I don't think you are being unreasonable however if my gift was going to be substantially less than It normally is I would probably let DH know in advance. That said it sounds like he should have been aware of your finances given everything and it's the thought that counts anyway.

So he shouldn't have been ungrateful.


Postmanbear · 24/12/2019 22:33

Token books aren’t a real gift as if he presented you with the ‘voucher’ for flights to London next month does he actually get to redeem it for that? I was given a similar book for mother’s day and the idea that I could pull out the ‘day off’ card and my DH would happily let me stay in bed all day is bollocks.


ElmStreet · 24/12/2019 22:41

Postmanbear That sounds like a your DH thing. If I gave someone a day off voucher, I'd expect they use it.


Jux · 24/12/2019 23:01

But you've had hardly any work so very low earning. What did he expect you to pay for his present with? He could at least be pleased you tried.


TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 24/12/2019 23:07

Hmmm, books of homemade tokens are tricky. Will you/can you follow through on them all? Flights to London sound pricey - he might just think, "Well, this is never going to happen". It's the difference between me getting DS actual tickets for a gig (which I have done) and giving him a homemade token which says "tickets for a gig" on it. One of them is an actual gift which he knows is going to happen on the date on the tickets, the other is just a piece of paper which promises something vague at some future, unspecified time, which may or may not ever happen.


WaterOffADucksCrack · 24/12/2019 23:28

Tbh if I were him I'd smile and say thank you. But I'd be thinking "Im going to end up paying for these" which would make me never redeem them. A "token book" has nice sounding presents in it rather than being a nice present because anyone could write anything in a book.


HackAttack · 24/12/2019 23:28

To be honest the token book sounds lame to me and I'd have been unimpressed, it's pretty teenage stuff like that name a star crap

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?