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DH grandad just died

20 replies

Banana0pancakes · 24/12/2019 10:11

Posting for traffic mainly. My dh just found out his grandad has died, it's not unexpected but gutting for him nonetheless.

I just don't know what to do barring being here. Its dd's 2nd Christmas and ds's first. Should I just cancel our Christmas plans? How can I make this easier for him? I realise I'm rambling and theres probably nothing I can do.

If anyone has any experience or hindsight they'd share about new grief over Christmas I'd appreciate the advice x

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


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ElizabethG81 · 24/12/2019 10:15

Oh I'm sorry OP, it's always horrible news but especially at this time of year. What does he want to do? What were the plans anyway - being with his family/yours/on your own? With your DC being so young I'd just be flexible and see how he feels.


itgetshardereveryday · 24/12/2019 10:15

I wouldn't cancel Christmas, his grandad wouldn't have wanted that. Speak to your DH and ask what you can do to help him (don't be offended if the answer or 'nothing').

My Dad died 3 weeks ago and keeping busy helps. My 3yo keeps asking to phone his grandad which is hard Sad


Vulpine · 24/12/2019 10:17

Have a wonderful Christmas in grandfather's memory


Thorilicious · 24/12/2019 10:22

We're in a similar position, we put dhs grandad to rest at the weekend.
I would carry on, and don't feel guilty about it. I know dhs grandad would want us to carry on, especially for the dcs, so that's what we'll do..


Isadora2007 · 24/12/2019 10:22

Yup- have a wonderful Christmas in granddads memory. How many christmasses has he enjoyed? 60? 70? So although it’s sad for your husband- he really needs to have a Christmas with his own children that he won’t come to regret not enjoying in later years.


Banana0pancakes · 24/12/2019 10:28

Thanks everyone.

He's at work at the minute just composing himself before coming home so I'll speak to him soon. I like the idea of it being in his memory, sounds very fitting.

OP posts:

Dartsplayer · 24/12/2019 10:41

I'm so sorry to hear this. My dad died suddenly 9 years ago today and it was my daughter's first Christmas, my son was 3. My parents and sister were due to come to ours for Christmas Day and my mum put her foot down and insisted we carry on as normal as that's what my dad would have wanted so we did. If we wanted to have a moment, we left the room and then came back. I still find it the hardest time of the year. Just take the day as easy as you can and don't put any extra stress on yourselves. Thinking of you


NotHereToMakeFriends · 24/12/2019 10:47

Sending my condolences. My grandma died last month, the day before my nephew's second birthday and myself and my brother wondered if we should push back the birthday celebrations as he wouldn't be aware if we did. My mum was adamant that we kept going and celebrate no matter how sad we were. It helped to take our mind off things and that's my suggestion to you. Try to keep going, it's okay to be sad and understand if DH needs to take some time out during the festivities but it's best to keep going imo.


Haworthia · 24/12/2019 10:49

My grandad died a few weeks before my daughter’s first Christmas. Nobody wanted to cancel it. It was a quiet, more subdued Christmas, but we still got on with things and enjoyed everything we’d usually enjoy.


Ginfordinner · 24/12/2019 10:52

Just do what you feel comfortable with. I lost my mum the week before Christmas many years ago. Looking back I just felt numb, but Christmas still happened.


EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 24/12/2019 10:52

The plus side of your DC being so young is that they won't have any idea what date it is, so if you want to postpone Xmas by a few days they will never know.

I would wait until DH gets home from work and then gently ask him what he'd prefer.

I've postponed Xmas and birthdays a few times due to family bereavements. Everyone understands.


Mrsjayy · 24/12/2019 10:52

I think you should just go ahead and do Christmas you don't want to cancel and sit about al day, if your Dh doesn't feel in the mood just you take over


Whiskers14 · 24/12/2019 10:54

Presumably he'll want to be with his parents or nan, if she's still alive? Are they local? If not, be prepared to pack whatever you'll need, food as well as clothes, presents, etc, to go to his family if you weren't planning to see them for Xmas already. When my granddad died on December 17th we all spent it with my nan at their house. It just felt right to be there together and your DH and his family may feel similar.


iswhois · 24/12/2019 10:58

I'm sorry OP, my DHs grandfather died a couple of weeks ago and it shook the whole family.

We are going ahead with all as planned, although a couple of family members aren't participating at all as they don't feel up to it- it's personal choice.

You need to ask you DH what he feels most comfortable with and just go with that.


WonderWebbs · 24/12/2019 11:05

I wont lie it is always tough to have this type of news especially around Christmas as whilst other families are celebrating yours are not. My advice would be carry on as normal with a slightly lower expectations for tomorrow. Remember your relative with a toast at lunch/dinner and that laughter is fine but tears will not be far away. Most of all be kind to yourself.


Blackbear19 · 24/12/2019 11:26

Been in your shoes a few years ago. The last thing he would have wanted was to cancel Christmas. He loved Christmas, loved the kids. Would not have wanted us to cancel for the kids sake.

I'm assuming as a Great Grandfather he was a fair age and had had his fair share of Christmas fun. It is different if it is a younger person which totally takes your breath away.


GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 24/12/2019 11:30

What are other family members going? Is his grandmother still alive? If so, please look after her.

My grandfather died on Dec 23rd a few years ago. We realised that his widow would be on her own (her own family didn't care) so we cancelled plans and legged it across the country to be with her.

Somethings are more important than Christmas and your kids are so young, they won't know.


eurochick · 24/12/2019 11:30

When my grandparents died it was sad but not a surprise. They were a good age and had good lives. I wouldn't have let it stop me celebrating Christmas as usual. It was harder for my parents so if you are going to be around the child of the grandparent who died you might want to tone down the Christmas celebrations a bit.


hellcarryingahandbag · 24/12/2019 13:17

Awwww how sadSad. I couldn’t imagine life without my grandparents. Your poor husband


Jellybeansincognito · 24/12/2019 13:51

why would you cancel Christmas?
It doesn’t change the past.

You have to focus on the future now unfortunately.
Sorry for your loss!

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