To wait to see DC before giving presents

[Butterflyflower1234]

DP has three DC however one DC is feeling a little under the weather (has a headache). They have family over from another country and naturally they want to spend time with them. I suspect by the time it gets to Boxing Day, when we're supposed to have DC for a few days, they all won't want to come with us.

I just said to DP will we wait to see them before giving them their presents and he mentioned about 'dropping them into them'.

Neither of us will then see them open their presents. I put a lot of effort into getting the right presents so I'd love to see them open them but DP thinks we shouldn't wait to see the DC before giving them.

AIBU to want to see them enjoy opening their presents?

I'd wait too, tell him it extends the Christmas fun.
And if I didn't get to see them open them, I'd consider it dh job to buy them in future

sounds reasonable - they'll probably have loads, makes sense to spread them out.

You are and you're not
If you think they will like their gifts then they will like them whether they open them with you or not. But the presents are for the DC so it's not reasonable for you to hold them back until the DC come to visit you.

I would wait. I have family who aren’t seeing my DD at Christmas and so we wait till we see them before she gets them. It extends the joy, gives them more time to play with the items too as I think Christmas can be a bit overwhelming for kids (especially if they are young)

If it is extending the joy from them by all means wait. If it's because you want the gratification of watching them open them and the DC would prefer them dropped in then drop them in.

Gift giving should not be about you but bringing pleasure to the reciever

Wait. I don't understand this whole "they must have their presents to open on Christmas day" thing. It's not like there's nothing to open. I used to love going to see relatives after Christmas day, knowing there would be more presents. It was an extension of the festive period.

YANBU. DC are going across the country to see DH's family on Friday, that's when they'll get gifts.

YANBU

I put a lot of effort into getting the right presents

Huge red flashing wifework sign right here - why isn't he buying presents for his own kids?

Let me guess - he can't be bothered, doesn't know what they'd like, anyway I actually doing it, this works for us, he's too busy working hard to support us, etc etc.

The problem is, you've now started feeling as though you are owed something (ie the right to decide when three kids open their presents) because of the effort you put in. I think your choices are :

1. leave the gifting to your partner and don't get involved
2. buy the presents but do it with no strings - Christmas is a fraught time with loads of competing traditions, expectations and unmet emotional needs floating about, ESPECIALLY for kids whose parents are separated. Don't add to all the pressure and guilt by demanding to "see them open their presents" and perform gratitude, delight and Christmas magic for you.

I'd want to wait too.
They were going to have them boxing day, so late anyway. A few more days won't hurt.

If it was you actually changing the plan, then it would be Unreasonable.

Depends on the age of the kids.

I honestly end up over buying because of the 'they'll have load to open', 'spreads it out' logic.

I always think half a dozen things, (4 from us, 1 from my parents, 1 from my sibling) isn't really much of a pile for Christmas morning. So I end up buying extra stuff that actually I probably wouldn't bother with if the gifts from DHs side were there on Christmas morning too.

My children know they get 3 christmas celebrations, us and santas pressies, seeing my family 200 miles away is christmas #2 then dp family after that #3, they dont get a massive amount of pressies at any of then but it extends it out and they have no other expectations.

Thanks for the replies. Glad most think I'm NBU.

@FineWordsForAPorcupine I totally get what you mean. The issue is a bit of both. I am very organised so I bought the presents (he has paid for them!) and wrapped them otherwise it'll be left till the last minute. He has bought other presents for the kids which still need wrapping so classic man will do it tonight no doubt.

For me the issue is, I want to see the excitement on their faces. Currently the relationship isn't the best with his ex (she really dislikes me and I'm not sure exactly what I've done wrong) so I can't even see them open them if they do stay with Mummy.

Hopefully little one will feel better and will want to come with us but we'll have to see.

For me the issue is, I want to see the excitement on their faces

Oof. In the nicest possible way, get over it. Don't demand that the kids perform the correct level of christmas excitement for you, don't impose your emotional needs on them, don't add your burden of expection onto those kids, who will be juggling all the other adults expectations and traditions and demands.

Can't you just put your need to "see the excitement on their faces" to one side, and opt to do Christmas in whatever way is easiest for them?