To be feeling confused by this

[IntoTheWilderness]

Ex bf and I broke up in July. Since then we’ve kept in contact, sometimes initiated by me and sometimes by him. We’ve met up and slept together a couple of times.

After the last time we slept together I asked him if he thought about giving a relationship another try, he said no, that he didn’t want us to be together again.

I was going through some things about a month ago, told him I was struggling a bit, he told me he was going through some things himself and couldn’t be there for me. I thought fair enough, he doesn’t care about me the same way I do about him and distanced myself a bit from him.

We were talking again last week. He mentioned he was worrying about money so I offered to lend him some. It wasn’t a lot and I 100% trust him to pay me back. I know him circumstances and that he genuinely needed it.

Since then I’ve been getting daily texts off him with kisses on. Him telling me he’s been thinking about us being together again and that he wants to take me out on a date.

It’s not about him wanting to keep on side so he gets the money, I’ve already given him that. And I’m not naive enough to think he’s suddenly decided he does love me after all. So what’s this all about? I can’t work it out and thought someone outside of the situation might be able to see it more clearly than I can.

I think you need to move on. Plus don’t lend him anymore money

That would confuse me, too, sorry I'm no help.

Only advice is be careful, he seems to know he's got you dangling on a string and can pick you up amd drop you again wjen he no longer wants/needs you.

That is confusing. I suppose it's possible that you lending him the money has made him see you differently - maybe not the money itself but the fact that you still trust him 100% to pay it back - it's nice to be trusted. That's the nice interpretation though!

Why did you split up?

He’s told you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. You need to believe that and stop sleeping with him. The texts are him trying to keep you sweet for the next time he wants to get laid/borrow more money.
I know you’re hoping everyone will say he’s fallen back in love with you, but that’s highly unlikely to be the case.

I would move on.

If he really does want you to get back together he will persist and in time you'll know the truth but it seems like there has been too much tooing and froing to take it seriously right now.

I mean, if he keeps you hanging on you may give more money 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thanks everyone for your thoughts.

OceanSunFish he did say something like that, that it’s made him think differently because I was still there for him when he needed someone. But then I think well he wasn’t there for me when I needed someone so he can’t really care that much.

PurpleDaisies we haven’t slept together again since he said he didn’t want a relationship. I have been trying to distance myself a bit. I haven’t replied to all the messages he’s sent over the last week and haven’t been engaging too much with what he’s been saying. Just feeling really confused by the sudden change of it all.

It’s not about the money either I don’t think, and I know that sounds incredibly naive.

He’s self employed and hasn’t been paid by some people so was struggling a bit with Christmas. He’ll be paid after Christmas so he’ll pay me back then and he won’t need anymore money off me. I know what his circumstances are so know it’s just for this week and that he was genuinely in need but that it also generally happen that he’s short.