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AIBU?

AIBU not to feel Christmas cheer?

46 replies

Flyingfish2019 · 24/12/2019 06:15

Or not to feel like it is Christmas Eve at all...

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

69 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
19%
You are NOT being unreasonable
81%
naughty40me · 24/12/2019 08:32

I'm not feeling it either although I am trying.

My depression has hit hard recently and I'm struggling. Got 2DC to be cheerful in front of so that should help but other than that I am so incredibly alone.

No other family or partner. Friends all tied up with their own families and I don't want to be a burden to anyone anyway.

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ibblebibbledibble · 24/12/2019 08:34

Just going through the motions. Can’t wait to get it over with.

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ballerinakatrina · 24/12/2019 09:20

I really dislike Christmas.

Recently split up with ex, who is struggling with severe depression. I know he will be alone tomorrow, like every year, and it makes me sad.

It used to be a big family event up til my teens in my family. My nan and grandad (basically my parents) used to make Christmas so special - not lots of money, but thoughtful presents (a book, a pair of PJs, makeup) and a lovely dinner.

They died 3 years ago. Christmas hasn't been the same since. I miss them everyday but Christmas is particularly hard for me. I feel like I want to drive to their house just to make sure they're not in Sad

They left a lovely legacy.

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Youngatheart00 · 24/12/2019 09:24

After struggle with infertility and a failed IVF confirmed just over a month ago, this year is a struggle. I’m trying my best.

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NotYourTypicalNerd · 24/12/2019 10:38

I don't necessarily feel the hyper Christmas spirit, but I am not feeling Grinch either. I am not feeling that I want it to be over either, looking forward to tomorrow - Just normal really. I am pleased with the gifts we have got the children and know they will like them. Dinner will be lovely. It is just a nice time to spend with the whole family downstairs (as opposed to teens on screens upstairs!)

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RobinHobb · 24/12/2019 14:42

I am happy to find this thread. I don't have any serious reasons to be feeling grumpy. Except Exams in January.
Have been looking forward to Xmas with two small DC. Parents in laws are here.
I like them and we get on but oh my god the enormous ENORMOUS amount of faffing about food. And talking about food. Laying the table is a 3 hour fucking affair (so good to get this off my chest). And then more talk about the fucking Turkey.and the ham. A 30 minute discussion about whether to parboil the potatoes in advance and not lose the vitamin c in them.
Omg people it's just a meal get over it. Get a takeout and eat it in pjs - that would be fun.

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Flyingfish2019 · 24/12/2019 22:54

Best of luck for your exams. I talk about food a lot lol, hope that it doesn’t annoy other people...

OP posts:
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MorganKitten · 24/12/2019 22:59

I spent the last two, and third tomorrow in my mums hospital.

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achainisonlyasstrong · 24/12/2019 23:01

Happy Christmas to those not feeling it. It will be all over soon x

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FrenchyQ · 24/12/2019 23:07

Really not feeling it this year. It has been a difficult couple of months with too much other stuff to deal with (including my dad having cancer). So I'll just try and put my happy face on tomorrow even tho I'm crying inside.

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Flyingfish2019 · 24/12/2019 23:09

That’s sad FrenchyQ.

OP posts:
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VanGoghsDog · 24/12/2019 23:26

Well, I thought I was up for it...but....

I decided not to go to my sister this year as she has moved house and I'd have to sleep on the sofa.
Have newish dp and he's been saying for months that he just wants me to have the Christmas I want.
Yet, every time I suggest something he says no, we don't do that.
He has adult sons, they are coming over tomorrow and cooking the dinner. As dp doesn't eat pork or duck, son one doesn't want turkey, son two wants gammon but was vetoed as dp cooks a gammon most weeks so it's not special enough (and is now sulking), everyone vetoed chicken, we were down to lamb or beef. I don't usually eat red meat but I didn't bother to say (dp does know this). Son bought beef.
And really there is nothing else. No pudding, no mince pies, no cheese, no sausage rolls, no starter....etc.
Oh, he bought one bottle of wine for the four of us
Well, there is other stuff, because I went to Sainsbury's and bought it. I bought wine, gin and tonics, fruit, crisps, mince pies, cheese, have made a cheesecake...
I suggested we have Champagne with breakfast, that was a no (because we're going for a walk and he'll have to drive, I didn't know about this and he doesn't, we can walk from the house).
If I hadn't got wine in we'd not even have had a drink tonight.
I suggested smoked salmon as a starter tomorrow, son says no, he wasn't anticipating taking a break from cooking to eat a starter.
Sons came over Mon to discuss timing, which was basically "we'll be at the pub from eleven til two so you'll get your lunch at three thirty", not really any discussion. I mean, I don't really care what time it is but it feels very much like they are coming under sufferance. They did bloody offer to cook!

And dp has been miserable as sin. There are no decs, just a tree with almost nothting on it, he doesn't turn the lights on, he doesn't even display his cards. He fell asleep on the sofa about nine tonight, so that was fun.

I had a bit of a go at him earlier saying I felt unhappy and that I know he's determined to be miserable but could he please try and be a bit more fun. Then he falls asleep on the sofa.

Wish I'd just stayed home on my own.

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katmandoo · 25/12/2019 09:06

@VanGoghsDog
I think your New DP sounds like a controlling twat and his sons not much better.
I think you should take the red flags he has given you and run far far away from them all. Don't look back.
In fact if you can get to her text your sister and see if there is room for one more and go today.

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PineappleDanish · 25/12/2019 09:08

Not a Christmas fan, months of build-up to a day which will be just the same as the last 40 odd christmasses.

Most overrated "thing" of the year.

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sqirrelfriends · 25/12/2019 09:15

I really want to feel the cheer, I was all into it a few days ago but have come down with Gastro and now feel like crap.

Luckily I have my lovely DH and DM here to sort out food and look after DS.

I feel like a shite mum, no cooking, no cleaning and I haven't even played with DS yet.

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Youseethethingis · 25/12/2019 10:46

It’s never been the same for me since I spent Christmas Eve a few years back at my grans funeral.
This year morning sickness is kicking the shit out of me so DH and I have stayed at home and my parents have taken baby DS so at least the rest of the family gets to see him and he gets out of this miserable house.

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AllesAusLiebe · 25/12/2019 11:25

YANBU at all, OP. It's overrated.

I was still sitting in tears downstairs last night at 2am following an argument with DH and DS hitting me in the face and throwing a gift bought for him by one of my friends across the floor.

I'm somehow going to have to put a happy face on to see inlaws in about half an hour and have no idea how I'm going to do it.

I'm usually pretty miserable at this time of year. No idea why, but my depression generally kicks in at the beginning of the month and doesn't abate until mid January. I'm finding it all a bit too much.

Sending solidarity to you. Xx

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thesnailandthewhale · 25/12/2019 18:27

Another one that will be glad when it's all over ... I used to love it as a kid but these days it's just so forced and fake. Too much money spent, too much tat given / received that no-one really wants, too much eaten/drunk, and too much enforced jollity that just takes too much effort to try and keep up.
I wish I could have one more of the Christmas's from my childhood, but I'd quite happily skip the lot of it these days x

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pigsDOfly · 25/12/2019 18:47

I've been on my own all day, well with the dog. So for me it's just a normal day.

I was thinking about this when I was walking passed all the decorated houses today when I was walking the dog and thinking how much money is spent and how much stress some people will go through to get it 'right', and for what, one day of over eating and, often, over priced presents.

And what's with the sodding fireworks that someone keeps letting off?

Definitely not a Christmas sort of person.

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StartupRepair · 25/12/2019 19:54

Just coming back to say I had a surprisingly nice day. Masses of work but there was a moment when I just let go and did a lot of laughing with DC and my sisters in law. I hope everyone on this thread got through it ok.

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VanGoghsDog · 25/12/2019 19:59

Dp isn't controlling, he's sad. He's a widower and his wife died when the boys were young. They've nearly always gone away for Christmas and last year was the first year since the mum died that they stayed at home. So, they have no traditions. No way of doing things.

I don't have loads of traditions myself. But a glass of champagne with breakfast doesn't seem like a big ask. We did go for a walk and I drove (simply because my car was at the front on the drive). We then met son no one at the pub, came back and son two was cooking. I helped out quite a bit. Dp got himself in a strop over some Christmas music!

Anyway, dp says it's the best Christmas the three of them have ever had together.
My gifts went down very well. In fact, all three were gobsmacked at what I got them.

So, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt.

If you want controlling, that's my sister. She goes off in a sulk, crying, to bed about three times on Christmas day and upsets everyone.

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