ExP Lazy parenting or am I being dramatic?

[Aliceinunderland]

ExP and I split up when DD7 was a baby but generally get on well. I get frustrated sometimes as he does very little actual parenting but they do have a good relationship overall.
DD7 has been really unwell over the past few days and didn't spend time with her dad yesterday as they normally do. He picked her up this morning as I'm still working and she seemed much better but still had a slight cough. Knowing that he doesn't really have any routine or boundaries, I specifically asked that she was in bed by 9pm as I didn't want her becoming over tired etc.
Lo and behold. I receive a facetime call from her at 21.20 tonight and realise that they are in the car on their way home having been shopping all day. I am beyond angry that he has done this when she's not 100% better and this isn't the first time I've had to pull him up on what time she's going to sleep in his care (once I could see she was downloading apps on her tablet at 12am!). Do I just need to accept he will not actively parent her and suck it up to maintain their relationship? I feel like I'm constantly bringing this up with him just to be ignored. What other tactic can I try?

Was she happy? I think that's what you have to concentrate on. Not everyone parents the same and as long as it's nothing dangerous I'd let him get on with it

My ex is like this, our youngest needs a solid 11 hrs sleep a night or she is a nightmare (she has adhd). She's typically up at gone 9 when with him. I've decided as long as she's happy, fed and watered there is bugger all I can do.

Yes you're both right. I think it's just angered me tonight because she's been so unwell. I'm no way a perfect parent either so will say nothing and try and channel zen like composure 😌

Totally justified in having a rant. I would be really annoyed too. But probably not something you can do anything about so better not to dwell too much on it.

As others have said, there is t much you can do about it.

Rant away, I feel your pain.

ExH is the same with our dc. 7 yr old is regularly up well past 9pm (regular bedtime 7.30) and is an absolute nightmare when overtired. Problem is he gets really horrible to his sisters when tired, and isn’t actually that happy - he ends up a ratty miserable bundle of nervous energy, snapping at everything and in tears every other minute due to exhaustion.

It’s shit when parents can’t take their dc’s needs into consideration.

On occasions, if we have something booked that will mean a late night, I do it the day before my ex picks the kids up they are always knackered for a day or so after they come home due to his crap bedtime routine, so I get my own back now and again and he can deal with the tired tantrums