To ask DH to stay at dads when pissed?

[CombyourhairNow]

Not all the time but when my children are home? (They spend a lot of time with their dad too so not here 100% of time) they’ve never seen anyone drunk and I wish for it to stay like that!

There’s a few of them including his dad that go to their local and have a catch up but do go OTT and get quite drunk. I hate seeing him out of control like that, especially when kids are in bed.

My dad was an alcoholic and almost set the house on fire on a few occasions so it bothers me seeing someone that out of control. He’s not aggressive or anything, just drunk.

He’s not a young lad, he’s 40! He’s spent years being single and drinking until 3am without having to consider anyone. We’ve only been together 5 years so he’s had plenty of time to spend in the pub in the past.

It’s not cos I want him to stay in with me (is often prefer him out) so I’ll say please stay at your dads. He’s done it once 🙄 under the circumstances and the fact his dad is out as well and my dad being an alcoholic, I feel it’s not an unreasonable request.

If he went for a couple of pints that would be different but it’s never a couple. I end up staying up until 2am until I know he’s in bed and hasn’t left on the oven/grill and locked the door!

It’s not about trust, I just think it’s unfair that I stay up all night when he could easily stay at his dads.

It’s caused rows in the past this. He’s mentioned going out for a couple tonight, and I asked if he was joking! Kids are home and he’s already out this Sat and Sunday (both of which will be messy but I’ve resigned myself to that) and he was out last Sat did his works party and shin fit back at 2am so it’s not like he doesn’t get to go out!!!

Again, if he wishes to go that’s fine but I wish he’d stop trying to make out I’m the dick abd understand it from my view!!

Thoughts please

Ps DH has a respectable job etc and isn’t out every weekend but probably once a month. I don’t ask him to stay at his dads every time but I feel tonight it’s fair of me to ask.

How drunk is drunk? Is it his house as well as yours? I think understandably your views are a bit skewed from growing up with an alcoholic.

Kids are not adversely affected by occasionally seeing a parent drunk

I wouldn’t want my children witnessing it either so YANBU.

However I’d not want a partner who drank a lot so would be rethinking the whole thing.

There is no way I wouldn’t come back to my own home after a night out and being drunk. And if the kids are in bed then they don’t see him?

If he isn’t doing anything apart from just being drunk then you are being unreasonable. The main issue is that your dad was an alcoholic, I think.

op YANBU.

I ask my DH to stay with his mum if he’s had a skinful.

I end up with three children instead of two when he’s hungover and I can’t be arsed with it.

He’s the same as your DH in that it’s not every weekend and he has a good job.

It’s just that he’s too old for the hangovers and it reduces arguments because, by my own admission, I’m a right moody pain in the arse when he’s hungover.

I think it’s a fair request. I’ve asked the same of my DH ( his DP’s around the corner) when my DC home but he won’t do it. He’s a noisy drunk and the whole house ends up awake and a bit chaotic because the dogs also get disturb and start barking or darting under beds if doors get opened . I feel your pain.

@Nicknacky

Yes if I was asking every time he went out that’s perhaps OTT but when he’s out with his dad then I don’t see why that’s a huge deal either. It’s definitely to do with the fact my dad was an alcoholic but I thunk he should take that in to consideration.

I would make mine stay out if I could. He has form for not knowing his limits so ends up in a complete state, normally waking the kids up by crashing into walls/throwing up everywhere and then passing out so it’s up to me to clear up the mess

Totally fair request imo

If my dh is going on a heavy night out eg works Xmas do he stays at a hotel. It's not often but maybe a couple of times a year.
He's noisy and inconsiderate when he's drunk. Plus he snores and gets up about ten times for a wee in the night.
I basically lose a nights sleep plus I do not want to risk him waking the kids up. I would not want them to see him drunk.
I'm also the child of an alcoholic and I wouldn't want my kids to see him drunk.