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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH dragging me to Christmas drinks against my will

61 replies

almost2020 · 23/12/2019 16:38

DH’s friend is having a Christmas drinks party tonight and has hired a bar for 60 people. It’s an hour away and we’ll be getting the train. I’m 18 weeks pregnant, feeling tired and miserable and would dearly love to stay on the sofa in the warm, eating chocolate and watching telly. I won’t know anyone at the party either. However, DH wants me to come. WIBU to stay at home?

OP posts:

powershowerforanhour · 23/12/2019 17:24

I’d enjoy your child free life whilst you can.

So would I. By lying on the sofa in the peace and quiet eating chocolate, watching TV without interruption then having a good night's sleep. Childfree bliss.

No way in the everloving fuck would I want to traipse an hour on the train to then sit - or stand- trying to make sober conversation with 58 drunk people I don't know, for hours, then stand around in the cold at 1am waiting to get on a train for an hour with a load of drunks. Souds like a recipe for a shit night.

Original poster

almost2020 · 23/12/2019 17:28

Thanks for the replies! To clarify, DH has said it would be really nice if I could come and meet his friends - no actual dragging involved! He’s now trying to lure me out with the promise of dinner at a restaurant of my choice first.

Are you going to be like this for the next 20 odd weeks? not wanting to go anywhere?

I must admit, I’m a bit worried that I am using pregnancy as an excuse to be a bit antisocial. Is it unfair on DH to want to stay in all the time and hibernate? I just feel like some others have said - going to a boozy party when you’re pregnant, stone cold sober and don’t know anyone isn’t much fun. And it’s cold out there!

OP posts:

frillyfarmer · 23/12/2019 17:34

I must admit, I’m a bit worried that I am using pregnancy as an excuse to be a bit antisocial.

So what is you are? I'm 31 weeks pregnant and I've been using it as an excuse since the cold dark nights appeared. Unless I can do car to bar in less than a few steps I'm really not arsed about hiking about to socialise. Do what you want to do!

TheReef · 23/12/2019 17:36

Sod that, the last thing I wanted to do at 18 weeks pg was be around pissed people. All I wanted to do was sleep, eat and do fuck all.

ACouchOfOnesOwn · 23/12/2019 17:39

Have you never met his friends before? How close are they? If they're best friends that life has conspired to keep you from so far, then I'd make the effort. But I love socialising and went out lots during my pregnancy, at all stages.
If they're fairweather friends, then cuddle up on the couch and leave your DH to it.

Squigean · 23/12/2019 17:39

Is it because he wants you to drive? Or does he want you to actually go with him and meet these people?

Seeing you don't know anyone: YANBU.

Fr0g · 23/12/2019 17:42

You don't feel up to it/want to go - wish him a lovely evening and stay home.
Please don't start posting hysterically at five past ten because he hasn't answered your ninth text.

rudolfsquiffy · 23/12/2019 17:48

Frankly, watching people getting drunk when you can't drink is very boring. The first hour will be fine then you won't be able to get a coherent word out of anybody, least of all your DP.

Suggest he doesn't drink too in solidarity.

Whatnameisgood · 23/12/2019 17:48

If you said you’d go you should show your face and get an early train back. Unless you’re suffering with the pregnancy, in which case fair enough to stay at home

ChristmasCroissant · 23/12/2019 17:52

I'd go, but it's not unusual for me to go on a night out and not drink anyway, I often drive. I also went out with DH and on my own with friends really late into pregnancy though, so that wasn't an issue for me to be fair.

PotteringAlong · 23/12/2019 17:56

Don’t go if you don’t want to, but don’t get pissed off with DH when you ask him to do something for you and he says no because he doesn’t fancy it.

Make the effort. It might not be your greatest night ever but your DH clearly really wants you to go and it’s nice to be nice and all that...!

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 23/12/2019 17:56

If you're old enough to have a baby, I'm sure you're old enough to decide for yourself if you want to go out, OP

CFlemingSmith · 23/12/2019 18:01

I would personally go to show my face and to be seen to make an effort, however with the idea of leaving early.

rosieposies · 23/12/2019 18:11

Hour on the train whilst pregnant on a December evening to watch loads of people get drunk and annoying. No thanks.

YouretheChristmasCarcass · 23/12/2019 18:11

I'd go, if only to meet my DH's friends (you haven't already met them?). Who knows, you may actually have a reasonably good time. Just tell DH that you'll go IF the two of you can leave when YOU are ready.

My DH and I (in similar circumstances) always had an agreement. When one of us didn't want to go somewhere we would always set a 'minimum time' (usually 1-2 hours depending on the 'affair') and the person could call 'time' at any point after the minimum. The other had to leave with no complaining and no 'ball and chain' crap.

YouretheChristmasCarcass · 23/12/2019 18:13

Being pregnant, I'd also ask DH to keep drinking to a minimum. The last thing I'd want when pregnant would be to have to deal with getting a drunk husband home.

Butchyrestingface · 23/12/2019 18:14

Does he want you to go so you drive him home?

She’d struggle to get her car on the train. Can’t imagine the fare...

DrivingMsCrazy · 23/12/2019 18:24

I remember 14-20 weeks being Peak Exhaustion for me OP so I can completely understand. Luckily I got a second wind from 20ish weeks on and was buzzing for the next bit of pregnancy so I hope you get it too! Anyway you are totally within your rights to just not go. Growing a human is tiring!

sophiestew · 23/12/2019 18:24

YANBU

Stay home and out your feet up!

HeIenaDove · 23/12/2019 18:25

A few weeks ago was asked if i wanted to go somewhere on Christmas Eve which would have involved spending time with toddlers. Im childfree by choice.......HATE the toddler stage and just dont fancy it so said no. And that i had other plans. Which the person asking seemed to accept.

Then i got a text on Saturday asking me again so had to repeat it.

What the fuck is it with Christmas bullies

willowmelangell · 23/12/2019 18:33

Tell him you don't want to go and wave him on his way. He will have a good time. You will have a good time. Win/win.

HeIenaDove · 23/12/2019 18:42

Stay home and open the Quality Street OP or whatever you want to do

maddiemookins16mum · 23/12/2019 18:53

YANBU, I have the period from hell and DP has gone to a early evening drinks party and left me on the sofa with a hot drink, tube of Pringles, tub of Heroes, hot water bottle and my pillow/throw.
I expect to be in the same spot when he returns around 9pm with a battered sausage for me.

LovePoppy · 23/12/2019 19:27

@Esspee Don’t go. Stay home and relax but avoid the chocolate or you will have a terrible job keeping to a healthy weight.

What an unkind mean comment

RowenaMud · 23/12/2019 19:30

If you are shattered then explain you need an early night.

But if you are feeling lazy, then I’d go tbh. Soon enough you will have a baby and won’t be able to go everywhere you want!

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