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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to cook Christmas dinner again.

21 replies

sarah8484 · 23/12/2019 15:18

Ive cooked every Christmas dinner since me and my (now ex) partner have been together for the last 11 years. But for the past 6 i have cooked for his parents and my mum. I never fully get to enjoy the day, im always checking on the food, making sure my children are ok and checking on everyone else. I feel like a maid, (ex) dp just sits in the conservatory drinking until its time to eat, his parents pretty much do the same and dc play in the front room with my Mum. My mum is a huge help, she lives quite far so always comes xmas but she will help me prepare the dinner xmas eve night and also help cook in the day. We have recently separated and ive moved out. Everyone is like a deer in headlights because i said im not cooking for everyone. Ill cook for me, my mum and dc at my house but no one else. Everyone is trying to make me feel like im being selfish for it. I have a small house so no way can cater to them here even if i wanted. No one has offered to cook and invite me round, instead i get the impression they want me to cook round ex's house like i have every other year. Ive told ex we'll split day with kids, him morning, me afternoon or vice versa but its almost like he wants the whole package or nothing. Aibu for wanting to actually enjoy this Christmas instead of catering to everyone else?

OP posts:
Oilyoilyoilgob · 23/12/2019 15:20

Cheeky twats! Enjoy an awesome and relaxed Christmas meal with your mum and kids and let the others learn how to cook themselves a roast dinner!

GreenTulips · 23/12/2019 15:21

Absolutely! I think they have a cheek even assuming you’ll do it!

Buy everything ready prepared and shove it in the oven.

Have a great day and ignore the CF EX in-laws

wineandroses1 · 23/12/2019 15:22

YANBU! Ignore any hints from Ex and his parents. He needs to start setting up his own routine. You will have a lovely relaxed day with your DC and your Mum. Be strong and say No, that's not happening. He's an Ex now, he needs to move on.

ComtesseDeSpair · 23/12/2019 15:27

Well, it’s not unreasonable to decide you’re no longer going to cook for the whole extended family now you’re separated.

It is a little bit unreasonable that you haven’t made Christmas plans clear by December 23rd - particularly with regard to which days your DC are going to be with you and your ex and therefore which days each set of grandparents can expect to see them.

Regardless, I think you just need to say there’s no space at yours for everyone to eat dinner and you’ve already made your Christmas Day plans accordingly, but are happy to visit others / have others over for afternoon tea on Boxing Day or whatever.

AwdBovril · 23/12/2019 15:38

Aside from not having decided by now who the DCs are eating their Christmas day dinner with, YANBU at all. And TBH, it sounds as though your XP is as much to blame for the lack of definite plans in that regard.

Your ex, and his family, sound like a bunch of lazy CFs. I would leave them to their own devices. They don't get to treat you as the maid any more.

OhioOhioOhio · 23/12/2019 15:44

You are really clever. Tell them to get lost.

billy1966 · 23/12/2019 15:44

Boohoo!!🙄

Of course you have every right to say you are not cooking for his family.

Good for you.

CF's!

The cheek of them just to just expect it!

Let them sort themselves out.
Do NOT back down.

Have a lovely peaceful Christmas OP.

Sounds like you deserve it.💐

Igmum · 23/12/2019 15:50

Can't believe they seriously expect you to spend your Christmas skivvying for them after you've separated! Have a great time with your DM and DC and Merry Christmas 🎄

Hopoindown31 · 23/12/2019 15:52

What happens at his place is his business now. You are absolutely right to have nothing to do with it.

Sofabitch · 23/12/2019 15:52

Haha, don't do it. This year i'm just cooking for me and the children. my ExDh can fuck off, and it is the most relaxed I have ever felt about Christmas as an adult!

Enjoy your Christmas, scale back the cooking, keep it simple, use cheats and enjoy your day as well.

FruitcakeOfHate · 23/12/2019 15:56

Fuck 'em. Of course, YANBU.

lifeisgoodagain · 23/12/2019 16:01

I'm thinking it's my last but for happier reasons. My kids are adults I'm on the cusp of making the decision to relocate. This year will be hard as the person I want to spend Christmas has to be dutiful and see his kids and I have my ex here playing happy families ... for the good of the kids we decided but none are under 18!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/12/2019 16:02

Just don't do it.

i get the impression they want me to cook round ex's house like i have every other year

They are all lazy and cheeky. Just leave them to it and stick to your plan.

They ARE using you like a maid. Time to put your food down.

KarenChungus1975 · 23/12/2019 16:04

You made the right choice to break up with that cocknostril! My kids Braydon and Jaydon always help me cook the Tesco turkey because the vaccines havent made them stupid... Crown Grin

pallisers · 23/12/2019 16:08

Your ex expects you to come around his house like a maid service and cook for him and his parents? I can see why he is an ex. You are going to enjoy the day so much more this year with just your mum.

BlueBirdGreenFence · 23/12/2019 16:19

I would have thought it was obvious their son's ex-wife wouldn't be up for cooking them dinner... Just laugh OP and say you can't actually have thought that? And then leave them to it without another thought.

speakout · 23/12/2019 16:20

What's the alternative OP?

......

Straycatstrut · 23/12/2019 16:24

FGS you're not the caterer, it;'s YOUR Christmas too. Say I'm not cooking one this year I'm having a break from it. My mum did too and I don't blame her, it always seemed so stressful.

I'm veggie so I'm never asked or expected to, it's pretty good actually Grin... I just do a small one for me and my boys but it's me who enjoys it the most, it's my fave meal of the year.

Beautiful3 · 23/12/2019 16:25

Good for you op. I'm genuinely interested, why would your ex and his parents think that you would cook for them?!?! My mind is bamboozled by that assumption. Please dont give in and become their slave for christmas day. Hope you have a lovely Christmas.

StripeyDeckchair · 23/12/2019 16:39

Hang on, your Ex & your Exs family still think you should cook for them!
Bloody hell, I understand why hes an Ex.

Once separated you do your own thing, they need to sort themselves out & stop looking to you. VV Unreasonable.

Knittedfairies · 23/12/2019 16:50

The people that really matter to you surely don't think you're being selfish not cooking for your ex. Have a wonderful Christmas!

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