To think people asking questions about how people got their money is just downright rude?

[lorettalemon]

I was at a Christmas party last night and a man sitting on the table asked me what I did for a living. I said what my business was and he started asking a lot of prying questions about how I got the money to set it up. My friend could tell straight away I was annoyed and tried to change the subject but the man kept trying to ask more questions.

This isn't the first time this has happened. The truth (which I don't mind telling people I know well, or sharing here is that I got a big payout following life changing injuries which have left me with long term physical disablement and I used this to start my business so I could be ok despite not physically being able to do a normal job like I used to - so on the one hand you could say I've been very lucky, but there's the other aspects which aren't so nice to live with)

I find from time to time I get men, often in the middle age group sort of bracket, interrogating me in what I often find to be a bordering on confrontational kind of way about how I got the funds to start my business. It gets my back up a lot. Sometimes I say something stupid like "bank robbery, "arms dealing," or "a bank transfer from Nigeria."

I think it's very bad manners to ask prying questions about people's health/finances/personal lives, but it doesn't seem to stop people.

I wanted to ask MN if people think it's out of order for people to grill others about where their money comes from and the best way to put someone in their place if they start asking questions like that, or worse, when they start asking me how I got my life changing injuries/how I became disabled (which they can tell from looking at me and is a whole other rant in itself!)

"I'd rather not talk about it", in a firm voice generally does the trick.

Is it possible they are asking because they would maybe want to do something too? I got asked how I funded my business. Never took it personally and people usually end up getting details for where I got a business loan because they have something brewing in their mind about possible business.

Oh and the injury part is not really ok.

I get it too and then when I say well I just saved the first £10,000 and turned into another £10,000 they then announce as it was so easy they are going to do it too and basically rip off my idea. Brilliant

Middle aged men you say? Hmmm I smell jealousy and feelings of inadequacy that a woman is successful.
Maybe they are prying as their pride needs to hear ‘my husband helped me set up’ to make themselves feel better

I know exactly what you mean.

When I got my first job the first question I got asked was "Salary?!" and looked at me like "you will tell me"

He'd get "mind your fucking business" now I'm older but I didn't know how to react then

And I work with vulnerable people on benefits, who often feel placed in positions of massively justifying their expenses to people who's business it isn't.

Similarly I think rich people get asked how they came by their money in a resentful sort of way that is equally vulgar.

I really don't understand why people push when you cut them off on these kind of subjects.
I also feel incredulous when people ask me things like what I remember about the accident that caused all my injuries

Wow I agree that is very rude and I would be shocked to witness a conversation like that. I don't know, or at least I am not friends with anyone so rude.

Are you sure it isn’t because they are curious as it’s an unusual sort of business (for example one that doesn’t usually get a bank loan as it’s too risky or unconventional or some other reason)?

Maybe they are suspicious of the lending practices of the banks?

Why don’t you just say you used money from your own personal savings. If they asked where your savings came from, then yes they are being very rude and prying!!

And I’m assuming it’s an unusual business as otherwise wouldn’t anyone just assume you got a business loan.

Make something up! I used to tell people that I invented the flavour sachets for Pot Noodle.

Make something up! I used to tell people that I invented the flavour sachets for Pot Noodle

That reminds me of Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion when they told everyone that they invented post-its .

I think an invention is definitely the way to go OP. The weirder the better.

"I find it terribly vulgar to discuss money like this. Shall we change the subject?"

Just say 'I do don't want to speak about this as its not something I discuss'. And then don't discuss it.

They are being very rude to ask. But that is something I have learnt along the way - some people are rude and they tend to be rude and ask prying questions; it is not personal.

...rude and ask prying questions to everyone (it should say).

Drug dealing.

(Drunk people at Christmas parties have impaired social inhibition, I wouldn't read too much into it.)

I always liked the response in Jaws.
'How much money you got?'
'Personally, or in the family?'

Generally people gloat about stuff they have brought like a new 4 bed detached house or a brand new 40k bmw or a fancy holiday away, other people are intrigued at how they can afford it and what they must be doing wrong in life and generally it is the parents gave them the money for it or they inherited it and not earnt it

I’d imagine that the business must be fairly unusual op? I know lots of self employed people (including dh) who are never asked this.

Having your own business isn’t really that unusual so I’d imagine they’re just interested. Just say you’d rather not talk about it if you wouldn’t.

Also wondering if you have a particularly investment heavy business (expensive stock, equipment etc) as we’re not asked how we financed our business set up.
People can be horrifyingly rude.

I think your funny answers would shut up most people but a “I don’t wish to discuss it” & straigh onto a new topic would be perfectly fine too.

Christ, people are rude. If you don’t want to discuss your finances or health, swerve both entirely. Perhaps, ‘I made a number of sensible decisions over a number of years do there was no one magic source. Anyway, it’s really not very interesting to talk business at a party, is it? Who do you know here?’ If they return to it because they are sensitive as a rock, just say bluntly, ‘from personal sources of income.’

So, not do. Can we have an edit button fgs

It's not very unusual business, it's only property development. They say "how did you get the money to buy your first house."

I get a lot of prying questions as bs "it's alright for some questions." Obviously I don't want to explain and start justifying it saying I needed to make sure I have to pay for carers and help at home for the long term because I can't do a normal job as I spend a lot of time having surgeries.

I think I should just keep a dead pan expression and say "busking" when people ask 🙄

Of course I don't take it the wrong way if people say things like "oh, how did you get into that?" It's when people say things like "how did you get the money to..." that's outrageously rude!

One thing that really shocks me is when people twig something has happened to me and ask questions like if I remember the experience of the injuries happening - I'm guessing they're the kind of people who also slow down to stare at car accidents.

It IS rude and none of their damn business. These days (I'm late 40's now) I have no problem responding to rudeness with rudeness. So I'd simply say

"None of your damn business"

Having said that I have a very very wealthy friend (I'm talking landed gentry, titles and all that malarkey) who has frequently had rude comments on his personal finances and he just amuses himself telling rude fuckers like this outrageous tales with a completely straight face!

It's us his friends who struggle to keep our faces straight when he does this.

A couple of the ones he uses already mentioned - drug dealing, arms trading but he doesn't just say the phrase he goes into some detail, seeing how far he can take it before the penny drops - it doesn't always.

In reality he's one if the kindest most generous people I know, think a good looking Tom (James fleet) From 4 weddings and a funeral. Just the sweetest guy.

Depends on your personality

If it's a stranger you could create a story which is partly true, to suit your conversation at any given time

I have a friend who has an usual job & she sometimes plays guess what my job is with people that she meets. They are always really surprised & impressed

Personally, I would add some mystery !