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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Babies first birthday

24 replies

NotAClue101 · 23/12/2019 09:21

Me and my husband have different ideas for our babies first birthday.
I want to have a gathering of family to celebrate, but due to having a large family and a small house, plus birthday being in winter, we would need to hire a room for this.
Some local pubs have small function areas that are free to use and can take your own food.

I don't want to have an actual party as he won't fully understand, but I don't want his first birthday to go by like another day of the week, as it is special, it's his first ever birthday!

If we had room, I would have the family here for cake, presents and a general family gathering, but our house is just too small.

Is it unreasonable to want to celebrate his 1st birthday with all the family? And for that to happen to hire a small function room so everyone can come (I'm from separated parents so my family doubled in size)
I'm one of 5, all have a partner (8 adults) and kids (2) he has a brother with 4 children, 6 parents, 3 grandparents and we're both really close to our uncles and cousins, so that's another 12 people!!

OP posts:

Fruityb · 23/12/2019 09:24

It’s not unreasonable but to me it’s unnecessary. My son was one on our honeymoon and while we made a fuss he didn’t have a clue! His second birthday we had a party and again he didn’t have a clue! His third birthday he knew he got presents and cake and it was far more fun.

If you want to do it then do but really it’s a party that’s a get together for the adults as your DS won’t understand it.

pumpandthump · 23/12/2019 09:30

Do what you want. Not unreasonable but completely unnecessary. We just had a nice lunch out the 3 of us and did a cake at home.DH and I celebrated in the evening with a bottle of bubbles and a takeaway. We'll be doing the same with DC2 in the new year.

Blackbear19 · 23/12/2019 09:31

1st Birthday is a party for the parents. Do you and DH want to celebrate your child with the family? Personally I'd do it. I also know people who've done a joint 1st birthday / christening celebration.

Baby won't have a clue if you do or don't.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 23/12/2019 09:35

We had tea, sandwiches and cake at home, DS loved it, DN had a huge party got overwhelmed had a tantrum, cried then fell asleep exhausted bless him. Could you do more of a drop in, so day please feel feel to pop in any time between 11 & 4 , make it known you're doing this due to lack of space, so people come for an hour or so then leave?

DappledThings · 23/12/2019 09:38

We went to a Sing and Sign class for DC1's first birthday because that was what we did on Tuesdays. DH did take the day off to come too and then we went home and had cake.

DC2 we had a day out at a farm place.

Seems a bit OTT to hire somewhere. You've got a lot of birthdays to spend money on once they can actually take an interest!

Original poster

NotAClue101 · 23/12/2019 10:03

Thank you all.

When I say hire, it's a room that is free to use at several local pubs near us. The rooms are only small, but would mean we could have family all at once.
They allow you to take your own food if wanting too.

It won't be a party as in friends, party bags, soft play, the works as I think that is more for older children. We just have a massive family.

If we do things singular with our parents, it means doing it three times over, and I just can't be arsed with that as it's us who will be shattered and him ratty!
I wanted to do it all in one go for like 2 hours max for some cake, celebrate him, celebrate us surviving a year and keeping a child alive, and just that it's a special time to not go by as an ordinary day.

He is from a family that did nothing as kids, no traditions, no special moments, no special memories even! He had money thrown at him and that was that! So husband thinks it's fine to be the same with our son, where as I had a wonderful childhood that was very poor financially, but have a close family, had small little traditions and birthdays we always had a cake and nibbles with the family only which I loved!!

OP posts:

PastelRainbows · 23/12/2019 10:16

Make a party! DD just had her first birthday and we did it at home for close family. Had simple party food, cake, presents, singing and I bought lots of silly headgear/glasses for people to wear to amuse her. I decorated the living room the night before and the next morning I took her downstairs telling her it was her birthday. Even though a one-year old can't remember or express much, I've convinced she understood it was a special day just for her. She'll remember that feeling of being loved and celebrated by so many people.

Hiring a room is definitely worth the extra cost. You'll probably save hassle by not having to do too much washing and tidying up afterwards.

maddening · 23/12/2019 10:16

As ds 1st birthday was a week day dh took day off work and we had a family day out. On the weekend we did as you hope to and had a small family and friends gathering in a village hall and put on a buffet with drinks and had an entertainer for the kids as there were about 10 children. It was lovely, and as we did not have a christening it was a nice way to celebrate ds being in the family.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 23/12/2019 11:56

As long as you understand that the party is really for you (the baby won't give two shits) do what you like.

I really enjoyed doing my babies favourite thing on the day itself (swimming, his favourite food for tea etc). I'm doing the same this year for DS (3rd birthday) - he's not interested a party, he just wants his grandparents to come, spaghetti bolognese for tea and to have his cousin over to play. Sorted!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 23/12/2019 12:17

Babies first birthdays are for parents and possibly grandparents.

I’d be if DH suggested we hire a room and invite everyone for a first birthday and wouldn’t go along with it.

SVRT19674 · 23/12/2019 12:43

YANBU, I totally agree with you. Memories are so special. It was a friend's birthday and they asked that we took toddler with us and bring a cake with a huge 1, so we did and they both blew out the candle together. Toddler thought it was hilarious for some reason. Photo of moment made it to album. It doesn't have to be an OTT celebration even something simple can be special. And yes, turning 1 is special.

Poorolddaddypig · 23/12/2019 12:47

I’m with your husband, I would very much not be up for this

swissmummy12345 · 23/12/2019 12:57

Is there more than one baby?

MRex · 23/12/2019 13:10

A family party is nice of your families are, so if the number coming don't fit in your house then go to the pub. At one year old, it's the baby parties that are really pointless with lots of little ones who'd largely prefer the others stopped touching their new favourite toy. Our families like that they hang out with each other every now and then for birthdays etc, they all enjoy seeing their own side and enjoy getting to know each other a little better each time too. With such a big family though I'd specify no presents, just cards to keep and if they really want to then all clubbing together for one or two gifts at most that they choose would be nice.

ColaFreezePop · 23/12/2019 13:24

Your child will not know it is their birthday. However if you are using the birthday as a reason for your relations to have a get together then you should celebrate it.

I didn't bother celebrating my DD with family as she didn't have a clue it was her birthday, and we had a get together for another relation's 60th a few months before.

DivGirl · 23/12/2019 13:31

Massive waste of time and money for me, but that's me. If you and your husband want to celebrate it with a family party then go ahead.

Some people might not come anyway - your baby's first birthday is really only a big deal for you and your husband.

Monkeymilkshake · 23/12/2019 14:02

I'd go for it and organise your party it sounds lovely!

Ginfordinner · 23/12/2019 14:07

I'm jealous that you have such a lovely sounding, large family.

Do what you want.

userabcname · 23/12/2019 14:27

Yeah, go for it. For DS1's first birthday we did similar- meant we could invite all family and friends (lots of whom do have kids so we did hire some soft play bits and made up little party bags for them). It was more for everyone to see DS and us to be able to host more easily rather than either trying to cram a load of people uncomfortably into our house or, as you say, put on the same event 3 times over. Of course, DS spent most of the time asleep and only woke up briefly for the last twenty minutes to smear birthday cake absolutely everywhere but it was fun and we enjoyed it!

MRex · 25/12/2019 11:36

@DivGirl your baby's first birthday is really only a big deal for you and your husband

Speaking for yourself there with that little put-down! It really depends on what your family's usual behaviour is, our lot are all pack animals. I'd love to see you try telling my aunt that it wasn't important to her because she's "only" a great aunt, she absolutely dotes on DS, while I was still excited for my DN's 18th. It's not just grandparents and our siblings either; all the great aunts and uncles made it along for DS's 1st and for DN's 18th, because they're big milestones. Even the older cousins who might not care much about a birthday still love a big family gathering. We were talking about plans for a cousin's child's first birthday just yesterday, checking the date so we won't miss it by making other plans.

DivGirl · 25/12/2019 11:48

@MRex it's Christmas - chill out.

NameChange30 · 25/12/2019 14:02

YANBU to have a party and hire a room/hall if you want to! We had a first birthday party for DS and hired a hall. It was absolutely lovely. We're not religious so we didn't do a christening and it was our way of celebrating DS's existence as well as the fact that we had somehow survived our first year of parenthood

I really hate the negative attitude of some mumsnetters towards first birthday parties. No baby won't care or remember but that's not the point. It's a celebration for the parents (and family and friends).

NameChange30 · 25/12/2019 14:02

PS however, YABU to write "babies' birthday", it's baby's birthday

Darkstar4855 · 25/12/2019 15:30

Seems a bit overkill for a first birthday but if it’s really what you want then do it. We just had a small celebration at home with close family and that was quite enough excitement for him!

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