to ask you to please be considerate of people TTC this Christmas?

[PrincessMargaretsGin]

Texting me that your 5 year old 'Was asking why you aren't a mum because you're so lovely and fun' is not the compliment you might think it is.

Asking if I've ever thought of having kids myself in a faux-concerned tone is stupid. Yes, the thought might have briefly crossed my mind, thank you for asking.

Sorry, OP, that is shit. I hope their kids wake them at 4am on Christmas Day.

YANBU - people who have never experienced infertility or miscarriage live in a bubble

They don’t mean any harm but it’s thoughtless and fucking hurts

Been there got many t-shirts

I’m sorry your friend was so insensitive. I’m afraid I can’t see the link with Christmas though. It’s just an insensitive thing someone has said.

Sorry you're hurting

I have learned to not ask any
acquaintances about their child situation ('Have you got any kids yourself?') because a) It's none of my business unless they volunteer that information. b) I don't know anything about their history regarding potential fertility struggles, and they certainly don't have to tell the likes of me about it.

I know that people don't have bad intentions, but it should be ingrained into us when taught about general etiquette--Don't ask if people have kids/ plan to try for kids. It is essentially a medical question when you think about it, and in no other circumstances would it be deemed appropriate!

Your friend is an idiot but rather than a general ‘be kind to people TTCing plea, you should have a very specific ‘don’t be an arse conversation with your dimwitted friend

Considerate people are considerate to everyone whatever time of year.

Your friend thought she was being nice by telling you the nice thing her child said about you.

It doesn't need to be so specific just

Don't be a dick

Will cover it.

My friend took 8 years and 4 rounds of IVF to conceive. It's made me a hell of a lot more aware and sensitive to others. Another friend had a 23 week loss this year which has hammered it home. I love them both dearly so being pregnant around them has been tense at times but both have thanked me at times for not ramming it down their throats.

It took us 2 years to get here so I have a tiny idea of it.

@thecanterburywhales If the friend had said “my dc said you are really lovely and fun” that would be a compliment. But the other bit was unnecessary.

I see the link to Christmas, it highlights everything good or bad in your life. It heightens emotions and leaves you very open. The time of year with the dark nights and the New Year around the corner puts people in a very reflective mood.
I remember when I was going through my journey of infertility and multiple miscarriages sitting in midnight mass watching the baby Jesus being put in the crib with tears pouring down my face wishing so much for a family. Thankfully my journey had a happy ending but no one ever knows that at the time .
YANBU op that was a stupid insensitive thing to say , what's worse is it didn't come out of her mouth but she had to think to text it.
I wish you a happy Christmas and hope the new year brings joy.

I hope their kids wake them at 4am on Christmas Day